Back to The South Side

Pre Game:

-I have come to realize just how important Joe Crede was to the White Sox. And it makes me just that much more excited to have him. Dingo= MN Twins Baby= Joe Crede. We stole your dingo, Chicago. Yes we did.

-I hope they stop showing the last game of last year. Please it hurts too much.

- Joe Crede is great. He is just cool beans, and all that and a bag of chips. He says Minnesota like Minnesotans do, I just got the warm and fuzzies. Why yes I did.

- R.A Dickey, I am kind of way too excited to watch you pitch. I just sure hope Morales can catch you. Nerves, I has dem.


Top Of The First.

-Bert Blyleven already wants to punch Dick in the face.....I sense it. Dick you just called Bert fat.
-Hooded jerseys? That just looks silly as all get out.
-......I wonder if Dickey is wearing a dickey....hehehehehe.
-Sand Castles takes a walk, with his cool hood. I want him to put the hood up.
- J Mourn up in teh hizzzzy. He is hood-less. It's because he's Canadian and 30 degree windchill is shorts weather to him.
-Sand Castle scores, by the most awkward J Kubes hit I've seen. Oh hai we are ahead.
- Cuddyer so has the hood on. He looks so snuggly and cute. So Cuddy-bear-esque.
-Pierzynski so just said something to Crede, probably "I miss your epic neck massages in the hot tub after each game"

Bottom of The First
-Dickey does not have a dickey on. I am so sad.
- Uhm, Delmon Young you are an epic failure. I don't know how to feel about that error and lack of catching that ball. Lets blame it on the wind? BERT stop being a homer.
- Nick has a beanie under his hat. And that makes his cuteness level to level "seafoam green"
- Dickey strikey outy.
- two on board for Jim Evil Evil Evil Evil Evil Thome
- Thanks Dick for telling me Dickey got pounded last year VS the White Sox. I didn't miss your negativity.
- I can has Jim Thome strike out? Yes <3
- Morneau, I love you.

Top of The Second
-Air Supply as his intro song!? I just laughed so hard. That was probably amazing. Wait...that was the best thing ever.
-CREDE HOME RUN AHHHHHH, I feel so grand right now!! Oh, I love baseball. I think we need air supply as his walk on song from now on. Agreed?

+my interwebs is being mean, I'll update when I can. All I can say is Joe Crede= love

Best team ever!

....well standings wise we are #1.
We'd be going to the play offs if the baseball season were 3 games....

Here is my thoughts so far on this team this year:

+I chose Cuddyer to pick on because I know he'd prove me wrong. Maybe he is scared he'll break all his fingers and miss the rest of the season like he did last year. Thats why most of the time the bat didn't leave his shoulder. Rbi leader, I say I am sorry. FOR NOW.

+Joe Crede has anger issues. I mean by all means get pissed off at yourself for striking out, throwing your bat, gloves and helmet. Just use that anger to actually HIT the ball next at bat k? Oh I also love that his walk on song is Metallica. He is so hard core.

+Nick Punto was already shown on the final score for his double play amazingness. He is eligable for a golden glove this year, I officially start the PUNTO FOR SS GOLDEN GLOVE, BLOW ME JETER 09. His walk on song is "Thriller"....I swear my crush gets bigger as each day goes by. It's disgusting to tell you the truth.

+Shit...........I miss Joe Mauer.

+ I love D-Span. Each day goes by, he gets more amazing and I think less and less of sweetcheeks...*weeps* Tooooooooooooorri.

+My friend had on a rivas t-shirt tonight, I love her.

+ Joe Nathan is not human.

+ Gomez, SETTLE. NOW.

+I really really really really miss Mauer. It's like that annoying neighboor that always has to talk to you when you go to your car? And you are like "why are they ALWAYS outside? Do they just WAIT TO ANNOY ME!?" then one day you go outside and you get that "i just got spooked" feeling. Said neighboor is nowhere to be seen. You shake it off. Then the days go by and no said neighboor. Your whole life is off it's axis. I need you Mauer, like bee's need flowers, and us needing bee's to pollenate the flowers to produce oxygen and...I need my honey! I want my honey back!

+We are 3 games deep, and I am already being a complete spazz. For the two people who read this (HI MOM!)* get excited.


*: my mother does not read this blog.

live blogging

Wanna see me blabber? Live blogging it tonight with Pulling A Blyleven, check the links ;)

-kar

Opening day blues

Here I go being a debbie downer right off the bat, but it needs to be done.
I serve it up straight, with no filler, tough love my friends.

Michael Cuddyer needs to learn how to step out of his comfort zone. To me he seemed very reserved, and waaaaaaaaay too picky at bat. The guy barely swung, yes he got a run but he also struck out what seemed like 4904908 times. Yes, 4904908 times. I can go on and say that it's beginning of the season and he will get better but it felt just like the little of the Cuddyer we saw last year. He is past his prime in my eyes.


Wow I really shouldn't be blogging and listening to Metallica at the same time. It's anti Cuddyer music I guess.

This is what in my mind, was going to happen last night:

Liriano going 6 innings, 8ks with 1 earned runs and 4 hits. Then in comes Jesse Crain giving up 30 hits and 24 earned runs. Hmmmm weird, the guy next to me asked his friend is that was Juan Rincon when the Crainadian came out. I held back my laughter.

SIDE NOTE: I DON'T LIKE KEN GRIFFEY JR. Every game I've gone with him in it, he's gotten a HR. And every time it reminds me of little big league. He crushes my hopes and dreams. Him, Frank Thomas, Jim Thome and Nick Swisher can suck it.

Tonight will be better. Oh yes, it will be.

ps: Punto's ass was in prime ship shop shape last night. Esp when he was charging home plate then ran back to third and yelled SAFEEEEE. lol.

A True Yankee

My great uncle Johnny Blanchard died of a heart attack this morning. He was a two time world series champ with the 61' and 62' New York Yankees and won 5 pennants with them. Every time I saw him he always had some sort of yankees logo on him, he was a true Yankee till the end. And even during some sad times in our family he always seemed to put a smile on my face, may you rest in peace.

I wrote about him in this blog two years ago:

Welcome to Blylevenland

Spring Training re-cap so far:

We signed Joe Crede, didn't you hear? I'm going to go and say that it was a great idea. We aren't wasting money if his back flairs up again, but it seems like the back pain is contagious, since Joe Mauer has been having issues. Thankfully it's only a inflammation, give him some pills and he'll be ready to go.

But here is the debate; should Joe Mauer not play catcher? It seems the issues he's had could possibly stem from being a catcher. He's a young guy and he's already falling apart? Yes I bet he could make an amazing third basemen but then people go in and say third basemen has to be a power hitter, and Mauer isn't the type. I really think we'd be fine if he kept up with how he's been hitting. Last time I checked he has some hardware to show you that he's a good hitter.

Now onto more less argumentative things.
Bert Blyleven looks pretty fantastic in a baseball uniform still. I already prepared myself for this season. You know he'll bring this baseball classic up anytime he can, something along the lines of “blah blah blah youngsters blah blah blah scrappy blah blah blah I wish I had my telestrator so I could circle them blah blah blah I kind of missed Sidney Ponson, he's a GAMER.”

Now it's time for things Karlee wish would happen but never would:
If Mauer moves to third, which wouldn't happen since we have Crede. We could sign Ivan Rodriguez. Pudge Pudge Pudgey Pudge. Then some-how we'd get David Wright to sign for a one year deal just to stand there and look super brooding and tall, dark and handsome. Strictly for visual stimulation only. He would even make Valdimir Guerrero blush. Or he could be that a-hole in the home run porch who starts the wave going the WRONG WAY. I HATE IT when that happens.



side note: Last update I said we needed to drop Bonser. Well jeez, he dropped himself. Maybe he stopped eating meat like Neshek and got wii elbow/shoulder.

should have seen this coming a million miles away

Let me make this short and sweet.

Bill Smith,

You are sneaky. But not THAT sneaky.
We were all wondering as to why you did nothing in the off season?
How it's aware we need a good 3rd basemen.
Now I see what you were doing, you were waiting for Corey Koskie to
emerge out of his crypt to say "meh...lets do this!" and have at the ball and bat once more.
If this is true. I might spontaneously combust. I really don't want to die. I like the guy but if we sign one more person who used to play for us and think:
"maybe THIS TIME they will be good/ lets hope they dont get another career ending injury"
I just might...AGH!
Just let the guy play catch with the guys, feel like he's cool again and then just give him a werthers original and pat him on the back for a good days work.


ps: we need to drop Bonser. I said it.

NEWS FLASH!!!

Once again the Twins have been projected to be an epic fail.
What is up with everyone even certain beat writers *cough* think so low of the Twins?

I guess you gotta pick on the good guy.
Or at least THE GUY WHO DOESN'T MAKE ANY MOVES IN THE OFF SEASON.
Okay....okay relax. We locked down Nathan, Morneau, Punto, and Kubel.
Why fix something that did so well last year? Right?
I guess this is how the big wigs and GM's are thinking.
I'm trying my hardest to stay calm and collected but it's 4 days until pitchers and catchers report.

I guess it's understandable why we'd go for Crede.
He's prone to injury and won't be as good as he used to be.
That's the Twins way, that or bring em on up from the farm system.
I mean that isn't bad, that's where we got uh, all or our players pretty much?
I think Twins fans secretly wish we could toss our money around and buy players and build a massive huge epic team like the likes of the Yankees,Mets,Dodgers,Red Sox...etc.
If you disagree it sure seems like that's what everyone wants.

You gotta keep everything chill in the system, with the players, coaches, and GMs.
You see, just think if we signed a well known 3rd basemen. Let's say for the sake of my dreams coming true that 3rd basemen is David Wright. For mucho money, all the players get jealous and He's the new poster boy. Think how Mauer would feel, very un loved. Do you want to make Joe Mauer cry? Exactly.

Now you are saying, "Karlee...Justin Morneau is getting well paid and is well known!?!?!!one//"
Well, random mad person might I add this:
He's been playing for us and only us for a while. He deserves it. And he loves the Twins system. He has been seasoned, and simmered in the twins pot for hours. So there would be no animosity between the players because he deserves it.

Think of it this way, your in pre school hanging out with the red head, the girl who's cute but smells like pee, and the boy that will end up being smarter than any of you. And you all hang out every day, playing with legos and experiencing 4 square for the first time in your life. WOW, the red head sure knows how to toss that ball! After 4 square each day you get juice boxes and cupcakes. Isn't that something? But then a week later a new kid, overweight Tommy joins your pre school jamboree. Then something horrible happens, your teacher Mrs.Pennyworth announces to the class for the sake of being healthy there will be no juice box and cupcakes. It will now be until the end of time........one percent milk and carrots.

I WOULD BE MAD TOO, and then all your pre-school friends will start turning on each other and eventually kill Tommy.

Do you really want to mess with a very good combination of people, do you really want carrots and milk!? Watch out maybe karen the vegan will join your pre school and you will have to drink HEMP MILK! Then dan the guy who is allergic to everything can't eat carrots because he's allergic to carotene. Now you will eat celery. And cry.



.............baseball please start soon, I think I just might be going a little bit off the wall.

You say you want a Kubeloution....

The Twins today just finished signing a deal with the rubix kubes for signing him for two more years, filling out his remaining years of arbitration. And also giving him a club option for 2011.

I might as well go out and say it, that was a very good idea. I was assuming they would be doing that but the club option is a nice extra incentive. I gotta tell ya I like what direction Kubel is heading in.
He is still a "youngster" ( so stealing a word out of the Blyleven dictionary) and he is just getting better. IF ONLY he can be better in the outfield, even though we don't really need him out there anymore if I had to pick between Kubel and Cuddyer I would pick Kubel. Yes Cuddyer has his big rocket launcher arm but ridden with awkward injuries and his dwindling power makes me feel antsy.
Cuddyer will never leave, kind of like Nick Punto. So we all might as well get used to it. But thankfully we have the amazing awesomeness that is Denard Span. I think I will just start calling him dream weaver.
Next time he walks out on the field, make it slow-mo and play that song in your head. it just FITS.

All you kids have fun at Twins Fest this coming weekend. I shall not be going because of lack of money and lack of anyone interesting to go with haha. I'm sure it will be as fantastic as always. And someone can please tell Boof light beer doesn't mean you won't gain weight. I remember twins unplugged mister....haha.
Come to think of it my good friend RK from Pulling A Blyleven just pointed out how better Boof was before he was (B)oof. The kid needs to gain his weight back. The whole weight distribution is throwing his, well throwing off. I mean I've lost quite a bit weight this past year and when I throw punches they are much more out of control and not on target. So sorry for anyone that I punched in the throat the past 5 months. Which is, about 0 people so hey I don't feel bad!

Bring Boof those bars that chick ate and gained a good amount of weight in mean girls. Oh yeah, and lots of beers. And deep fried deep fry. And a pig roast. And something from Hardee's because that place is a one stop triple bypass. And just jugs of Crisco, the kind you get at Sam's Club!

I know you can agree.

I sit here in the warmth of my house, and I watch the news every day and there is not one thing interesting about off season trades, or even thoughts of doing anything coming from the Twins camp.
And if you think of hearing something about a certain player from a different news paper in a different city who is just a guest blogger on their site is useful...then I GUESS MAYBE in the imaginary twins-might-be-doing-something world, they ARE doing something. But they ARE NOT.

Yes, Carl Pohlad died, rest in peace by the way. I bet nobody thought that could even be some-what of a set back (and I am assuming that it is) It's hard to get back to business when things like that happen.

Okay, there is my sensitive side. Now onto how I REALLY feel.

Uhhhhh, hello? See my last post? Spring training is in 26 days for catchers and pitchers. I'm waiting. Not so patiently anymore.
You thought Bill Smith being the new dude would make the Twins outlook on how they sign people be different? Aka do something? Yeah, right. It's the Twins. I mean, I should get used to this by now. Everyone should too. Yes it would be super duper cool if we could actually sign someone that:
A. Has never played for the Twins
B. Is under the age of 30
C. Doesn't have a broad history of being so accident/injury prone.
sidenote: I still think Pat Neshek got hurt from playing too much Wii and going to death metal concerts.

Speaking of old twins players....lets take a moment and remember some:

Lew Ford.
Lew...oh Lew.
I miss making fun of you, playing D&D and losing 3.5 million balls in the baggy.
And whenever I see this video it reminds me of you:


Jason Tyner.
I mean, who wouldn't miss someone who's middle name is their last name backwards? Renyt. Wow.

Sidney Ponson.
.....actually I don't miss your greasy, sweaty..scary presence on the mound. Heaving and. Oh goodness. NEXT.

Douglas Andrew Mientkiewicz.
My baseball boyfriend forever and always. Don't make me get into how much I do miss you. I still have your jersey somewhere. I'm too sad to wear it. You went to the dark-side and you can't come back from that. Even though you are a free agent and could come back but we have Canadian Bacon now sry.


It's very hard to be writing this when the new clue for the winter carnival medallion came out. Yes I'm one of those people. I just like feeling smart.

Speaking of smart, I have another awesome idea for target for R.A Dickey.




DICKEY DICKEYS! UGH, someone is going to have to knock me down a couple of notches I am inches from being so into myself.
I am ri-dickeylous. HA.
Come on, with the twins logo on the turtle neck, first 5,000 get em.
I would go every home game if I could get myself a free turtleneck dickey.

I didn't tell you?

*sing to the tune of sexy back by justin timberlake*
I'm bringing dickeys baccccck.
(yeah)
Just the arms that what we laaaack.
(yeah)
Who needs a whole shirt when you got whats best
(yeah)
Now turn around and the fronts the same as the back.
(take it to the chorus)

Go ahead boy.
Show me your dickey.
Lets go girls.
Lets wear them dickeys.
Come on child.
Who wears them dickeys?
Bert and Ernie-ahhh.

*dance break*


It hurts to be this good.

Plus hearing Bert say "Dickey Dick" isn't enough. I NOW want him to say "so you got a Dickey Dickey on Dick?"

PS: R.A Dickey, please be good enough to make it to the bullpen. Please.