R.A Dickey

Ya know what?
Can we for once, maybe sign someone to a contract that has NEVER played for us?
I still like that idea of us finally signing an Asian pitcher.
(that is in my top ten "what the twins better do before I die" list.)
I'm not whining about it, he's an okay guy.


Dear Mr.Smith,

Oh hi there, this is just your average Joe six pack MN twins fan. I speak behalf of all of us when I (we) say "DO WORK SON".
I mean come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, if you don't do something by spring training I might purposely put myself in harms way just to get some excitement around here!
Yes, I know you signed my baseball boyfriend Nick Punto but we need someone to man the hot corner! And get a starter that is older than 18 years old that isn't Livan!
You know what R.A means? RINCON ALTER-EGO. AHHH run for the hills!
(yes alter ego is a two word one word. Mull that one over in your mouth for a bit)
Sign kouzmanoff. He has a cool name, then we can make beer cozies with his face on them and name them kouzies.**

Bahhh hummbug,
Twins Fan.

I was bored and looked at what you crazy people who stumble across my mini slice of webdom google to get to here.

"what does it mean when a man starts drinking and he doesn't know when to quit"
Richmond, VA.

Hmmmm. I think you are an alcoholic. Shot in the dark? Eh? I think I win this round. So you buy this round of drinks, sucka.

"why the Minnesota twins sucks"

Case and point: Juan Rincon. He is gone now, but without him even being on our team or playing against us he still can screw us over. That man sure has talent. To fail.

"MN twins Brendan Harris shirt"

.......................who would want one of those?

"nick punto web gems"

A whole bunch of you googled me and came to this site. Congratulations. You are a Nick Punto fan. I enjoy you, let's date.



"MN sucks"

Uh, blow me? Wait then you would suck. Oh burnnn. I love my 6th grade come-backs.


"boof bonser music"

Yes the rumors are true, there IS a band named boof bonser and no it isnt /boofbonser if you go there is a 50 something year old man from Yemen. Just as creepy as boof himself but could not top the creep hard-core band that is http://www.myspace.com/boofbonsermusic
Oh yes. Soak in the greatness. I would link it but the links aren't working with me at the momento.

Oh yeah, also this made me want to google and find out the meaning behind "boof" and "bonser" since I mean, they are from California and I am just in shock that out of all band names for a hard core band they picked "boof bonser"

I would so have gone with "Pat Neshek" aka death metal. Or R.A Dickey because it just makes you want to smile/giggle and say "....dickey" Then laugh harder thinking of Blyleven saying his name over and over and something along the lines of "so what do you think about Dickey Dick?"

from wiki:
Boof: "to have sexual intercourse" I could of used a more derogatory word but, I'm in that whole it's x-mas time I will tone down on the swear words kinda mood.
Bonser: means nothing, apparently.So I will make one up "to be good then suck very bad at the wrong moment" hopefully the first name and last name don't intersect otherwise that's just a shame.


** I am copyrighting that as we speak, hey Target want me to head the new marketing campaign for the new stadium? ;)

I think baseball needs to come back........

Reaaaaaaaaal soon.
I think I'm already losing it, need proof?:


You mustard heard about Punto.
He's so fast you can't Ketchup to him.
I relish in the thought of him being with the twins for two more years.
Im glad he's going to stick around.

I am now a BONIFIED PUNTO PUP!




I went there. Punto Pup, I can't handle how much of a genius I am.
It hurts sometimes.

I know what you're thinking...

Yeah yeah yeah, it's been quite some time since I've been on here.
Wanna know why?
Exactly who cares YAY I'm back!
WITH MORE SASS.

Anyways.

Lets begin this blog post by saying this:
WTF.
Yep, I am quite irked about this whole everyone wants Nick Punto as their utility player.
I mean, can't some of those *coughs* tough skinned twins fan realize that well, if the yankees, mets, dodgers, and phillies are looking at him MAYBE just MAYBE he might be a good player?

He is the perfect fit for the twins, tell me how we are.
We play hard, we give our all and we are scrappy.
Now tell me how that doesn't scream Nick Punto to you.
I, for one will be heart-broken and will be in a puddle of my own liquid sadness if he plays for someone else.
Yeah, that sounds gross but you get the point, lots of tears.
He's like that annoying kid in school that does really awkward shit, like eats paste or drinks fish bowl water but you come to school one day and he isn't there and it just doesn't feel right!

I KNOW you are shocked, you all were thinking of the same exact thing.
Nick Punto drinks fish bowl water.

America's past time

I know I haven't been on here for what seems like forever.
But I've been pretty busy going to the games, and being busy off my ass.
(and on occasion guest blogging on pulling a blyleven.)

I must say this year has been a surprise, so many break out stars. So many highs and heart breaking loses.

Now it all comes down to one game.
It's the mini world series, as I call it. Yeah it's catchy and I'm copyrighting it so back off.

Two teams.
And when it comes down to numbers, it's almost a mirror image.
They lead in HRs.
But we lead in RISP and two out RISP.


The white sox are telling their minnions that they must wear all black.
Did they hear what happend when a certain football team did that?
Guess not.

I won't lie, I am super nervous but I ate Jimmy Johns and mac and cheese and a slushee today. That means morneau will get two more rbis so he can be #1 in rbis.
He already RBI'ed my heart *pitter patter*
Okay I addmit that was pretty hallmarky.


I sit here now, eating ginger chicken and I think "wow this is good." and then I think "If the twins can be as good as this, they can win." then I realize I'm slowly making myself go insane because of all the stress pushing on me. I am talking to myself.

I would really like for us to win, not only because we'd win the division but we'd clinch it IN chicago, Blackburn would be the winning pitcher. And Ozzie Guillen would probably spontaniously combust. Instant replay that. Delivery of the game THIS!

I will post soon after the game, lets hope I am a happy panda, not a sad one.


ps: FUCK NICK SWISHER.

Remember the Minnesota Moose?

You Don't?
Good.
Moose...or Mooseys (more than one moose who sucks at grammar) in Minnesota= bad news.


I kind of thought we had a chance to win tonight.
Adam Everett has now used up all his greatness the past couple of days, I'll be gosh darn sure of it if he starts sucking a big one.

Oh no, believe me I'm the type thats more, optimistic than pessimistic.
Only if involves me not making fun of someone.
If I'm able to make fun of something, I'm ALWAYS negative.
I always make fun of something or someone.
So I hate you all.


Oh. Speaking of sucking.

Twins Bullpen.
I remember last year I'm all "we got this bullpen locked up all we need is a good dh and a third basemen and we're good to go!"

Then our whole team left.
Then Pat Neshek show boated.
Then he got hurt.
Then all a sudden, we just imploded.
Cuddyer got hurt.
Punto got hurt.
Everett got hurt.
Then everyone got hurt.
Then the bullpen got used way too much and now they cannot come back from wii elbow.
I mean...pitching too much.

I saw the always annoying ball boy take one right in the hoodinks.
I got hurt, yes..I got hurt.
Right *points to heart* here.


You know when you write down lets say, a long letter to a loved one with a pencil?
(this might only apply for left handers, since everything is made for you right handed nazi monkeys)
And you get all that lead on the side of your hand?
Thats (B)Oof.
Everything is going fine, you made mistakes but you erase them and like, draw a cute heart with the lace around it with the innitials JM&JM=...J&JM?*
You smile at your work. And then you fold the paper and...

SHIT IM SO MAD, I have this nasty mark on my hand and it wont go away.
OH NO I folded the paper with my hand! MY NOTE IS MESSY.

The Paper= The Game
What u wrote on the paper= The good innings you pitched
The nasty mark on your hand and now on your paper= Boof sucking.


Boof, I'm breaking up with you.
I'd send my homing pidgeon with a note attached that said "Im leaving your heart in the bullpen. You are no longer my starter. PS:Light beer still makes you fat"




*JM+JM = JJM = Joe Mauer + Justin Morneau= Justin & Joe Mauerneau

Yes, I'm alive.

I tend to disappear out of sight sometimes.


Run down of the past 5445844 days I've missed I will post you 50 thoughts:

1. Nick Swisher sucks super bad at first base. You made me laugh hard, and I burned calories on you account. Thank you for making me less fat.
2. Nick Swisher loses his gloves because he likes boys.
3. Nick Punto is great.
4. Carlos Gomez needs to step it up or get outtaaa herrrre.
5. I don't know about my feelings for cuddyer coming back. No serious. I don't know stop nagging me.
6. Our Bullpen sucks a big huge one on the road, and its starting to piss me straight off.
7. Why is Adam Everett still playing?
8. I don't give two fucks about Brett Farve, this is a damn BASEBALL BLOG! :)
9. But hes kinda cute for an old guy.
10. AJ Pierzynski even gets punched in the face when he isn't even IN the fight.. that how much people hate him.
11. Joe Nathan has been making me nervous lately. And ya know what that should NOT HAPPEN...example tonights game. He hits a hitter. Then gives up two singles now bases are loaded with 2 out. Bottom of the 9th. Joe Nathan do not make me wanna cut a bitch.
12.Thank you.....we win. ANYWAYS.
13. I miss Juan Rincon.......HAH KIDDING.
14. I have a huge new hatred for "ibanez" why hes in " " 's? I don't know. But he's what we call a "douche bag"
15. On a scale to one the ten, who would win in a running race? Carlos Gomez or a great horned owl. I know the owl can fly, as can gomez.
16.I miss guardado. And I miss dougy baseball. He so could of learned how to play third base. Admit it he'd be better at third than Lamb or Harris. Buscher eeeeeeh i dunno.
17. I like ta do tha cha-cha.
18. I really hope the last games this year won't give me an aneurysm. It seems like the twins and fux have raced ahead out of the gate. Detroit has no chance anymore.
19. I really wish we got someone before the deadline. How about we pick someone up off of waivers? Oh crap I forgot it's the MN Twins I'm talking about.
20. You getting bored yet? Just think of Nick Swisher wearing a panda costume. Then think of you holding a bat. Yeah see I got you interested again.
21. I think Mike Pomeranz is sexually attractive.
22. Sorry did I creep you out? He used to play in the twins farm system, thats why I brought him up, yep.
23. You know who else did? .....I don't know I'm asking YOU.
24. every time I go to a twins game, I end up getting into a stare down with a kid. And why do they always win? I should creep them out enough to turn around and watch the game. But no. They stare at me. It's creepy. Maybe they want my lucky charms who knows.
25. New Kids On The Block played at M.O.A today.......what?
26. Packers new quarterback has big eyeballs.
27. Oh when we're in the world series, I'll be having viewing parties at my house. Oh you think I'm being super crazy thinking we'll be in the world series? We will. And it will be again the Cubs. Ron Coomer will burst into a butterfly since his very puffy body was it's cocoon.
28. I love Stephen Colbert. I wish he was my creepy next door neighboor. Read his section in his book about sports it will change your life.
29. I love the person who picks the music at the dome. Whoever plays the ting tings and vampire weekend is good in my book. I think they should play the Jonas Brothers. I mean the Doobie Brothers...wait I mean..The Allman Brothers...I mean The jackson 5...or...the osmonds.
30. I'm a little bit country.... I'm a little bit, ....let's make out sis.
31. BACK TO BASEBALL! So whats the deal with Manny? I never saw him as a east coast guy. He can sock puppet* it up with Torii Hunter. (*hand puppets made of socks, who are more than likely very annoying and they blab about nonsense)
32. Ozzie Guillen is also a sock puppet.
33. I will be selling Ozzie Guillen sock puppets soon.
34. My mom says whenever she hears the name Guillen, which is too much since there is a guillen on almost every team, I swear. She says it reminds her of Ed Gein. And in which it reminds her of Skin Stretched Lamps. I capitalized all of that because I think that would be a dandy little band name.
35. The Skin Stretched Lamps and Pippy...with the new single "it puts the lotion on the skin"
36. So anyone hear about Johan Santana? No? Shock.
37. Delmon Youngs new nick name: dark knight.
38. On my x-mas list: the twins to get an azn to play for us next year.
39. So I hear Casilla is healing nicely and he might be able to play in two weeks? Thats epic.
40. I'll admit it. I'm happy that Barlett and Garza are on a good team. But uh, they got the better side of the trade I concur.
41. I love it when 70 year old men wear bright blue shirts with pink red and yellow stripes. It makes my day brighter. Because WOW it was a bright shirt let me tell you.
42. As you can tell I'm kind of loosing steam here. Let me chew on a starburst to get some of my creative juices flowing.....
43. Jesse Crain sucks....WOW see the starbust worked!
44. I think Brendan Harris' next walk on song should be Burnin' Up by the Jonas Brothers. If you don't know the song, listen to it. It would be great. Oh and Mike Lambs should be "loser" by Beck.
45. Now I'm disgruntled. The starburst is stuck in my teeth *mini panic attack*
46. Oh my friend Joe says that the MN TWINS probably sit in the club house eating candy watching little big league waiting for milk and cookies from Gardy. Scary thing is I think he might be right.
47. ......white chocolate macadamia cookies. Straight up. Dammit Christy.
48. I'm going to the yankees twins game. Anyone else going? I'll be holding my "Circle Me Bert my mom thinks your hot" sign.
49. Oh yeah speaking of Bert. He eats crickets, and enjoys it.. I think he'd eat anything. I think someone should test this out, every week it's a different package dried animal that either tastes like bacon and cheese, sour cream and chive or vinegar.
50. ITS MY CATS BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALLY ON YOUR 15 YEARS OF MEOWZERIFICNESS!

Come from behind wins

I think the MN Twins need to start wearing shirts that say "we like it from behind"
Because,
1: It's true.
2: It sounds kinda kinky.
3: It would look good on a blue shirt and big white Tahoma, Verdana or maybe Webdings if you wanna get all cryptic on peoples asses.

I was watching the home run derby because well, that piece of canadian bacon was playing.
Josh Hamilton is one crazy cyborg alien.
Oh yeah, if you guys didn't know but JUSTIN MORNEAU WON THE HOME RUN DERBY.
Yeah, espn didn't catch the memo I think their heads are too far up the sob story that is Josh Hamilton.
I mean don't get me wrong, that kid is one big piece of talent. And kind of nice to look at.
He has tattos, so he's automatically kind of a big deal. I wanna meet him and play the "I'll show u mine if u show me your(s).................tattoos"

But congrats Justin for being a super awesome guy.
We're only 1 1/2 games behind and we have the home run derby champ.
Watch out.

As if my crush couldn't get crushier.

Nick Punto has been on a 7 game hitting streak in which he's batting .478 (11-23) over that period of time.



YOU do not know how happy this makes me.
Wait, if you read my blog you probably do know how happy it makes me.

Last time I was at the game every time he was up to bat I'd sing "dream weaver"
The chorus not the creepy noises before and after the song.
I see the past games I've been people have been bowing and saying "we're not worthy"
That shits epic. I enjoy it thoroughly. If I was a dominatrix I'd whip out my.....whip.

Moving on.

Gardy pretty much said he's going to be our every-day SS.
I knew this would happen and I'm calling that we're going to win the division at the end of the year. We're going to sweep the white sox then go to kansas city and win them all too. I see these things.

Wishful thinking brings you a looooong way.

He's short.
He's "scrappy".
He's easy going.
He's a leader.
He rides unicorns.
He's a ninja, and lately a pirate because he's been stealing fast balls and hitting singles.
He's the resident slurpee maker.
He's Nick Punto.

....I'm not worthy.


PS: And all you Punto haters who hate on how he sucked and now you hate him more because he doesn't? Please send $1.00 to the "go f-yourself" fund. It's for a great cause.

/show-boating

ooooh we're LIVIAN on a prayerrr

Ahhhhh...baseball.
It's been a while, I hope I'm not bad luck and they lose.


Top of the second
mil-a-wau-kee-yeah 1 minnuh-so-duh 0

-SO Alexi likes flicking people off,livan really enjoys those sleeveless jerseys. Has anyone give him the memo that they are inside and it isn't hot out...or in..there?
-Livan, stop breakin' my balls man. It's my first day back from the long hiatus and you gotta play me like that?
-Livan, an error? Lets thank that the ninja Nick Punto was fast enough to make it a less horrible mistake, kind of like when your parents conceived you...okay that was too much we're only behind by 2.
-Livan is also a ninja.

Bottom of the Second
-So last night, the game was interrupted like 4-5 times by a beach ball? Oh Yeah. Screw Brewers fans.
-Dick Bremer should of played for the rock cats..or..st paul saints.
-Kubel, now walk it out.
-TC and the milwaukee mascot looked like they were making out. In the darkness. Creepy. And to think TC wasn't going to walk in the same footsteps as Miley Cyrus.
-Mike Lamb looks like he should be wielding a sword, and body armor. He looks like such a...narnian character, Punto can be like a narnian since they are super short. Yep.
-I'm Bobby Boucher, my mammy said dat baseball is duh debil..so I swing and miss baseballs, because mammy says that they are orbs of the debil in which if it hits my baseball bat it sucks out all the happiness out of me. Brian Buscher you fail me once again. Go to narnia with Lamb.
-Hey Repub, or Tom Cruise and George W Bushs love child. Please hit a single?
-Rally cookies? Bert by the end of the season you are going to turn diabetic.
-Tom Harris W Bush...how dare you.

Top of the third
-Ryan Braun looks like a 12 year old whos father was a galago:
am I right or am I right?
-whilst I was googling galago(holy crap say that 10 times fast) aka bush babies livan has gotten himself in quite a pickle.
-He got himself into one of those pickles you get at the gas stations in that big bag full of pickle juice. Yep one of those since he decided to let another run score. And I will full-out say this. If they eventually take him out and put in Boof, I'll jump out of this here plane. And there isn't even any snakes on it!
-GOD NO! RIGHT WHEN I SAY THAT he takes off his car cover and probably drinks two more beers before half assing-ly warming up.....yeah its 5-0 now. I think this means I should NEVER blog ever again.
-Karlee. It's only the top of the third. And this is the MN Twins. We like come backs. We love coming from behind. Tee-hee.
-See wow, a couple fly balls and we're out. Why couldn't you of done thatuh..yeah..earlier?

Bottom of the third
CHEEEEEEEESE-5 SPAM-0
-Punto, do work! Please don't strike out again. You already threw your bat. Settle. Or fail.
-Mauer, wassap.
-.........we're already done? WTF? What happend!?


Top of the fourth
-oh thank you livan is still playing. Id rather have him pitch than Boofeteria.
-oh...could this be a 1-2-3 inning? *gasps*
-Oh it so is!

Bottom of the fourth
-THANKS MORNEAU for being strong and sending a laser beam to the second basemen. I don't know his name, wanna know why? Because I don't care.
-Monroe its okay *hugs* and Kubel, go yard. Make momma proud. Think of lolcats.
-Buscher stop making me feel like I'm going to throw up my spleen and hit the ball in a gap and let morneau score okay?
-Im super hating on this umpire. Suck a big fat one.

too busy sulking, woe is me and karlee has to eat now.

Kevin not so Slowey (Oh I'm such a card!)

I enjoy that our pitchers are better in clutch situations than our 3,4,5 hitters.
Can our 3,4,5 hitters be Slowey, Korecky, and Hernandez please?
Since ya know, Livan forgot how to pitch and all.

I guess things are kind-of looking up for the yellow submarine shaped cakes filled with cream.

I mean, Juan Rincon is gone, it's like your worst player is off the dodge team ya know, the kid who always gets hit right away and you end up losing because everyone is just so pissed that he doesn't even give any effort into "dodging"

That's Juan Rincon.


Perkins is going to go yard tonight, I mean we're playing Milwaukee.

there comes a time.....

when a blogger becomes more than a blogger.

my friends..

I have become.

Debbie Downer.

Dear MN Twins,

6 game losing streak? Oh and you got swept by the FUCKING WHITE SOX?
Out of alllllllllllll the teams it had to have been them?
NO! STOP!

fldfjagl;'uaopgfdflvb;lfddld;hfsdjasaslk!!!!,
-Karlee

Ick ick ick.
AND NICK SWISHER.
A TWINS KILLER?
AHHHHHHHHHH WHY?
UGH.

Okay and this is why I haven't blogged, because of this.
I just get mad again.
Just let it go, life goes on.


I'll be back when Im in my happy place.

Jeter you silly foooooool

Lat time I checked, when ANYONE, even ichiro hits off the right field wall you know better that you BEST not try to turn that into a double.

But this foolish man thought different:

ya know, the very homosexual looking one?
Uh.
...........wow.
Okay the one on right right in the front. HIM. YEAH. PETER, oh..Jeter? Oh alright.

But he hit a "I'm Derek Effing Jeter wanna be double" off the wall where the cobra commander lives.
He's a part of the fantstic four, see the stretchy guy :)


When he throws I hear a faint whistling noise comming towards me, oh...whats that? Oh it's a MISSLE.
BOOM.

Jeter one word of advice:


side note: Who else would play cuddyer BUT ADAM SANDLER, right? Right. Imagine him juggling a ball on the brim of his hat. He could so pull cuddyer off.

Karlee-1
Jeter-0

i dont know how to quit you

Hi I'm alive. *waves*


Top of the first:
-Boof, I'll probably piss out unicorns if you get out of the first without anyone scoring.
-Saltallaaamachiaaabananaboat is playing!
-Cuddyer is in center field, Kubel in Left. This will be exciting.
-I still really hate Alexi Casilla, just to make sure everyone knows.
-Ian Kinsler is a stud.
-Boof is a stud for using his Jedi powers to lure a line drive right into his glove, he didn't even move it. Powers, he has dem.
-Micheal Young is a stud.
-if Boof is lucky he will still have his head by the end of the game.
-Josh Hamilton is a stud...woah I didnt notice how attractive this team is.
-I lied, Josh Hamilton is a big ugly because he just got a home run.
-OH YEAH guess what guys, I'm not going to piss out unicorns, I was so excited I already named my unicorn Nico.


Bottom of the first
-I don't like Alexi. He's the poor mans Carlos Gomez. You do not deserve the #1 spot. Oh I'm going to keep on talking crap because when I do that you "bad" players end up being "good" but its 1-2 I'm sensing a awesome strike out. Oh, nubber to the pitcher. heh nubber is a great word.
-catalanottosaltalamacchiavasquezboggggs.
-I love me the repub. The only one I do love, little brendan harris foo-foo walking through the forest scooping up curveballs and boppin them in the gaps!
-I just heard a girl yell out "JOE MAUER" yes he's going to turn around and start unbuttoning his shirt slowly, winking at you and yelling out "take me here, right on home plate infront of 20,000 people!" .....shut your trap.
-Oh hai Mauer, line drives straight to players are NOT cool, but look at it this way if I was out there I wouldn't be able to catch it because I would of been too short. I guess thats a positive.
-I get to eat pei wei tonight, jealous?
-Morneau can you always hit home runs? Please? Every day? I'm not asking much I'm not saying every at bat just every day. Or a walk.
-Cuddyer, can you always hit home runs? Please? Every day? Am I a broken record? I WANT POWER!
-fill the bases so kubeloution can spank one up on the second level.....or it's the end of the first.

Top of the second
-coomer is on his second hot dog. Such a fattie, he should eat a hot dog each inning. If Bert was smart he'd say "you have to eat a hot dog each inning until we score"
-Oh yeah and Boof is gaining his weight back sloooowly, thats what happens when you drink BEER BOOF, yeah I seen it. I have eyes. I know what beer does to you. He's moving around like "yeeeesh...weird, why does my uniform feel more snug, hmmmm."
-Guess boof wanted to get out of that inning so he can make coomers stomach explode of hot dogs and chips.

Bottom of the second
-LMFAO DICK MADE A FUNNY! There is a poll on who is the best young left handed hitter and he's like "I wonder why Jason Tyner isn't on there" and Bert did his "ooooh you silllly" giggle. Yeah. Dick I like you more and more each day and you haven't used your damn maps yet. You got the hint.
-Oh I'm excited for the Tigers to come so we can feel the tiny wrath of renyt, his evil twin.
-Young I want to see a home run....young got thrown out by young. I'm happy I'm not drinking.
-Nick Punto is having a slow recovery, and they might send him down to florida. Nick Punto's hamstring stop being stingy and mean and selfish. We need his spunk back! I mean look he was in the duggout playing catch with himself, thats just pathetic.

Top of the third
-Sorry inhaling my food, if anything awesome happens I'll type it.
-Kinsler isn't cute anymore either. You "cute" guys getting solo home runs. psh.

brokeback mountain2 Little Big Leauge0 (bottom of the third)

-"Bronco Dicky lets go"- Bert Blyleven
-When you try to lay down a bunt. You don't try to run out of the box whilst trying to hit the ball. Okay? ALEXI!
-she's my cherrrry pieeeee....sweeeet rebup pieeeee.
-Oh yes....Harris to third. Thanks one guy who got a home run, you messed up reeeeal good.
-Joe Mauer you're good. Do work son.
-random: I really want to see Cuddyer use his rocket launcher from center field to get a guy out at home, and get him out.
-Joe Mauer= did work
-Morneau remember when I told you that you should get home runs? I'm just sayin....
-Morneausy gets his second walk.
-ick Cuddyer.

Top of the fourth
-42 pitches in 4 innings. Wow Boof if you didn't give up two home runs I'd be praising you.
Not burying you. I'm not doing that either though. I'm content.
-..................whoa that was,EPIC

Bottom of the fourth
-Kubeloution is still rearin' to go. Nice single.
-I'm surprised I've never seen a hitter actually swing and hit the catcher. I got hit in the head when I used to be a catcher, but also the girl didn't know how to hit on men let alone balls.
-reason 45904508 why i dont like everett: His walk on song.
-saltalamacchiachiapet is really cute too. Oh, I like the twins I forgot sorry.
-HOLY CRAP ALEXI CASILLA GOT A HOME RUN.....WHAT!? HE PULLED A JASON TYNER WHOA!
-I knew gomez and casilla would be bffs...they are like joe mauer and justin morneau but.....yeah you get the point.


Top of the fifth Cow Pokes 2 The Alexi Casilla show 4

-I still don't like Alexi Casilla. *pouts*
-I love the salty sweat line on your hat Morneau. Super attractive.
-I kind of like Kubel in right field. Just a tiny bit though.
-55 pitches thrown in 5. He can go the whole game if he keeps up being all super awesome and epic.

Bottom of the fifth

this inning disapeared

Top of the sixth
-Mike Lamb=Nick Punto=Mike Lamb=Nick Punto=Mike Lamb.
-1-2-3 sixth. mmmmmm.

Bottom of the sixth
-DLMON YNG TRPL MG
-Mike Lamb is about to break a bat up in some bitches ass if he doesn't hit it seems.
-There, sac fly....relax Lambers.
-They haven't shown coom dog since the second hot dog. I think he's in a dome dog coma.
-Mike Lambs eyebrows are so....tiny now.

Top of the seventh
-66 pitches into the seventh.
-now hes like 4560598459048 pitches. gahhhh.
-nice obnoxtious throw there boof..
-4-5.........ick
-Boof you a need Bacardi and diet coke, 0 carbs 0 fat.
-Matty G, you going to be all super hero for us please?
-Matty G, you are my hero.

Bottom of the seventh
-every day eddddddie!
-literally....dang.

Top of the eighth
-seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeething.
-annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnger.
-6-5 rangers now. ICK.

Bottom of the eighth
-Justin Morneau, this is when you should get home runs and such. Such meaning rbis.
-saltys catching stance is kind of....preying mantis...and kind of...hot.
-LTS GO DLMN YNG.
-Dammit, Bahh bahhh

Top of the ninth
-
more cat pictures

Bottom of the ninth
-you know your team has no bench people when you let redmond hit for everett.
-this game is starting to make me nervous now. ughhhhh.
-lets go repub.
-OMG Mauer please don't hit into a double play, I might actually throw UP a unicorn.
-MAUER YES YES YES DOME MAGIC AHHHHHH
-6-6.....this game all a sudden made me happy again.

Top of the tenth
-extra innings broseph.
-wham bam thank you mizzzzaam

Bottom of the tenth
-wham bam oh noez :(



post game:
HAPPY SALAD!
That game was EPICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

Dear Minnesota Twins,

Small ball is nice and all.
But you don't produce home runs, tonights game will happen.
Only way the bo sox are scoring?
Solo home runs.

Ick,
Disgruntled Karlee

Red Sox silenced by the Lamb

hahahaha.

Oh if I wasn't lazy I'd make a picture of lambs face with that silence of the lambs mask on.
With the bars.
And yeah.
Anthony Hopkins.


THERE WE GO.
Anyways.

Mike Lamb, we have this love hate relationship. I still don't know what I feel about you but last night, I wanted to marry you. That was pure magic. I missed the magic. <3

I missed being able to high-five and hug random people, and they feel the same exact way you do <3
Oh yeah and making kids who like the red sox cry is also a lovely past time of mine. I do my other past time during americas favorite past time.

Later on I will write a eulogy for pat nesheks ulnar collateral ligament.
You will be greatly missed, but you shouldn't of played so much wii and not eat meat mister!

Nick Punto, save us!

Like I've said before.
We need Nick to play.

Here's proof:

Twins record with Nick Punto starting: 14-6

Twins record with Nick Punto not starting: 3-10


Yeah, chew on that bitches.

OMG MN TWINS

13-1
I like how you boys bounce back.


This is how serious tonights game was, I used my blogs title to use for the blog title. Did that make sense? Sure.

Punto got 5 rbi's
2-5.
Wait...

PUNTO GOT 5 RBI'S
That looks better.
Here's my out-look on Nicolas Paul Punto:


He reminds me of the water boy.
Bobby Boucher.
He's a quiet, innocent nice little guy who is just all around a likable guy, but kind of a wuss.
But if you get him mad? He lets it out being amazing and doing good things sports-wise.

SO thank you nick for being a big suck not running on that bunt you thought that was foul, because then you spanked that ball to the left field then the right. Could Mike Lamb do that? DO NOT get me started on that.

Nicks new nick name= water boy


Carlos Gomez.
The #2 most awesomest person born on Dec 4th 1985.
You hit for the cycle, nobody has done that since Kirby.
I love your sassafrass. And how adorable you are. It's sickening.

Livan on a prayer.
You rock my world.


Karlee's feeling of the moment= Overwhelmed with awesomeness

I like sweeps, ya'll.

So we shut down the ligers and bitch sox, I'm guessing you all saw that.
Good times, sorry I didn't update during that awesome-ness. Too busy soaking in the awesome.
We swept them SO hard we didn't think twice about using the regular sweep.

We brought out the big guns my friends.

We needed the street sweeper 8000 xtz 6.0 limited edition with now %50 more extra sweeping action.
It's sweet looking, I'd drive that around.


Went to twins unplugged, that was pretty fun.
Cuddyer thinks I'm a klepto, since I steal posters off of walls for them to sign.
And Crain told me..."pretty nice inkage you got there"
Yeah I'm kind of a big deal.
And Blackburn, I will say this again. YOU DO NOT LOOK LIKE JOE MAUER, you're actually attractive.
I'm glad you enjoyed my comment.
And ladies, Blackburn is engaged so put away your wedding dresses.




And for you Ozzie Guillen lovers, sorry....he's taken too.


I have a feeling he'll be kicked out of the game tonight.
Anyone want to take bets?

Magglio Whoredoniez

Pre Game

-Welcome back Bert and RIP Gardy's brother, may you rest in peace <3.
-Joe Nathan takes golfing seriously, too seriously. I would assume his random twitches and jolts when he's pitching goes for the same when he's playing golf then randomly screaming "THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!".....ya creep.
-Hi Cuddyer, I'll be seeing you sunday. And I'll be asking for a card trick. If you don't bring cards I'm going to, no backing out buddy.


Tpp of the first
-Livan, you picked the sleeveless look tonight. How fancy of you, did I mention I love those? I do.
It's so red neck...it's kind of like they are wearing muscle shirts. With shirts underneath because you wanted to wear your muscle tee super bad, but it was too cold out.
-WOAH LIVAN YOUR GLOVE IS SO RED.AND SO AMAZING. I cannot handle how amazing your glove is.
-Polanco still looks like a chipmunk.

-If Livan has a shut out tonight, we are wearing our hick muscle jerseys every time he pitches.


Bottom of the first
-galaragawagamaga goo goo chicka boom boom?
-Who walks Carlos Gomez? Oh, people who throw balls. Duh.
-Good job harris if you weren't so impatient gomez would of stolen second.
-Double play Mauer is up. *waits* (Gomez stole second. Because Mauer isn't impatient) grounder to the right side? *GASPS* NO WAY!
-Gomez scored on a wild pitch. SUHWEET, Morneau looked waaaay too excited.
-Morneausy two out single, I'm liking this whole Morneau hitting thing. I enjoy it.
-Known fact: It's hilarious to hear a grown man say "come on Cuddy Bear!"
-"ever been to never never land?" Bert...you never cease to amaze me.

Top of the second
-Magglio Whoredoniez tied the game. Your hair is disgusting, you and Nick Swisher should date.
-home run, double, and a single...three pitches. LIVAN NO.
-Bases loaded? Nobody out? Where am I?
-Ughhhh...Cuddyer I love your rocket launcher. Loves it.
-Jacque Joneeeeeesssss. SWEEET CHEEEEKS.
-AMAZING DOUBLE PLAY, hey Livan....hug your infield right now.


Bottom of the second
-ohhh, Kubeloution. Isn't this like your 5th strike out in a row? Yeah. No good.
-Lamb has thick full black hair. Bahhhh bahhh black sheep have you any wool?
-*ps* I miss you Marney.

Top o' duh third.
-Ooooh we're halfway there...OOOOH-oooh we're LIVAN on a praaayer.
-Gomez and your crazy over throws.
-Bert, say something funny. Whoredoniez is skurry.
-We got out of the inning safe again. Heart Palpitations=4

Bottom of the third
-They need to stop feeding Bert sweets. First it was his b-day cake. Then Mauers. Now he has cookies.
-Mr. I got a cortisone shot in both of my shoulders and I hit doubles wassap?
-First dumb Liger move: hitting Gomez.
-Second dumb Liger move:Not catching a ground ball to third. Bases loaded 0 ut.
-ahhhh...ball 4 bases loaded rbi. Thanks Mauer for not hitting cause ya know..double plays..ick. But Morneau took the double play for him.

Top of the third Minne-snow-ta Twins 3 Detroit Ligers 1
-Andy Van DYKE!
-Slow Lollipop curve? Really Dick? Stop free basing black tar heroine?

Bottom of the third
-OOOOOOH Kubeloution is back. With a triple too.
-Kubel tagged out at home. Good job. You aren't back.

Top of the fourth
-Bert cooked his head, I guess.
-61mph curve ball. Awesomeness, Livan has it.
-Hahaha, Bert so wants Dick to swear.

Bottom of the fourth
-Rain, Snow, Locusts?.....Dick you actually made a funny. *claps*
-Gomez getting on base 3rd time tonight. You are great.
-"A bert blyleven curve ball"- Bert Blyleven.....wow your name dropping yourself? Who does that?
-Oh my gosh, Gomez is hurt :( Poor thing don't scare the shit out of me. Oh good he got up and now hes being driven off the field. Go Go Gomez be okay!
-Nicky is playing for him. *squeaks*
-"I just wanted to ask you a question with a mouth full of cookies"

Top of the fifth
-Nick Punto, center fielder. Let's see some magic.
-1-2-3 innings make karlee smile.

(bottom of the fifth was non existant so was top of the 6th)

Bottom of the sixth
-Bahh bahh black sheep got a single.
-"do you have a car? YOU have a car right?"- Bert Blyleven

Top of the seventh
-blah.

Bottom of the seventh
-the cutest republican in the world got a home run.
-5th double of the year, good freaking job. And Mauer scores from first? WHAT? Yeah. Wow.
-Cuddyer with a double? Morneau scores? I'm liking this.
-5 straight hits= niceeeeeeeeee
-young gets an rbi single. cuddyer scores. 8-1.
-sweet baby jesus i love baseball.

Top of the eighth
-suckage. yay.

Bottom of the eighth
-We just kick ass, two more runs. The guys who are supposed to be hitting are hitting...finally.
-OH wait three. Good hustle Cuddyer.
-OMG, I can't handle all this awesomeness.


Top of the ninth
LE TIGRES 1 ROCKET BATS 11
-"awwww did that hit anthony? I sure hope so"-bert blyleven speaking about a foul hitting towards La Panta. And his sudden hatred for him.
-Juan Rincon actually sits bitches down and wins the game


Post Game
-I'm swimming in a huge pool of happy soup. It's warm and it makes me feel happy. Roy Smalley looks like that one thing in lord of the rings..that says my precious. Sorry I don't know his name because I'm not a damn nerd like you!
-Mike Lamb, you are very adorable with clean waxed brows. I'm glad you took my advice.

SWEET NIBBLETS

Okay kids.
Guess who might be starting for the Rangers tomorrow?


Sidney Ponson.


hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I'm TiVo'ing that shit you best believe.

TOO. excited.

NEW BOOTY OF THE DAY!

Oh yeah.
Last nights game.
Rincon pitching the 10th, really Gardy?
Last time I checked it would of been a grand time to put in Nathan.
But it sure as hell shows how much you trust your hitters.

This is what I do.

When the Twins decide to do horrible the past two days:


I watch my *NSYNC live from Madison Square Garden dvd and dance like I was 15 again.
Then my rush of hate of Justin Timberlake comes rushing in the front burner, completely forgetting how horrible Fransisco-you-make-karlee-say-lots-of-f-bombs-Liriano was.

When it comes down to it, I think Joey is the hottest now, since I'm a full grown woman.
Of course when I was young and didn't know my left hand from right I loved Lanth (the gay)

I compare it like how the young girl baseball fans love them some Joe Mauer.
But the real women enjoy us some Micheal Cuddyer, I wonder what else he can hide other than his cards.

(and just there I wasn't insinuating anything about Cuddy Buddies cash and prizes nor the fact that Joe Mauer is gay, Lance Bass is.)

The lyrics of *NSYNC sure shows how I feel about the twins right now.

"It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
with or without you "

When your at home, you get horribly beat.
And when you aren't at home....you still lose horribly.
And my friends, that tears up my heart.
I love expressing myself and my feelings through the magical wonders of music..

Thanks *NSYNC.

the oakland elephants balancing on a baseball.

Your winning streak has just been DENIED.
Livan, having a good outing.
Nick Punto, I swear by the end of the year your going to pull a Delmon on an Ump.
Is it just me or has he been super duper whiny? And it's funny because every game he's been playing he's gotten a hit, so why the child-like tantrums? Because secretly you know I like seeing them?

Oakland A's fans:
YOU ARE LOUD.
Do you all have voice immodulation? Van Horton's Syndrome?
AND A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW.
(if none of you know that skit off of SNL, thats just a shammmme)
And the whole, horns and the drums. No.
But the best thing ever was the last thing I heard was a guy screaming "NOOOOOOO!" like he just saw someone fall off a cliff right after Twitch and Pitch struck out the last guy.

Craig Monroe, thanks for being good against the guy everyone knows your good against. So can you keep this up against people we wish you'd be good against? Maybe? No?

Boof is up next, I hope he can handle the crazies.

rocket bats

They are silent against the almighty Scott Baker.
Punto had a hissy fit and threw his helmet. When I saw that I felt like daddy hit mommy at the dinner table, awwwwwkwaaaarrrrddd. Is it just me or has he become very irritable?


-Punto was 2-3. Cute.
-Rocket Bats Muffin Man Mr.Scotty Bakes had an amaaaazing outing.
-Carlos Gomez,your making us dec 4th 1985 peoples look amazing, keep at it.
-There is a bald eagle nest by the 5-8 club, call the press.
-Brendan Harris got his first home run, and first home run by a right handed hitter.
-Justin Morneau hit at the right time, thank you kindly sir.


Todays game was grand.
Seeing them jump on Justin made me smile all big.
Got the warm fuzzzzzzys.
life is good, for now.

Thoughts, by Karlee

On tonights game:
+Joe Mauer showed me he can still be productive, and is oddly a bit faster than last year. Justin Morneau still runs as fast as my cat Alice. My cat Alice is dead.

+Jason Bartlett's new number is 8. Really now Bartlett. Changing your number doesn't make you more of a better defensive player (ie:Punto) since ya know you already have 3 errors. One in tonight's game which scored two runs, ahhhh it's nice to see it from the other side finally. Remember last year? You had the most errors by a short stop in all of the MLB? I remember.

+my friend thought there was 2,000 people at the dome rather than 20,000. I asked her if her vision and "guesstimation" was a bit off since we sat on the first base line and she was oogling Justin Morneaus ass half the game.

+There we're these two drunk obnoxious men at the game sitting two rows in front of me (surprise)
Well needless to say they were screaming at Pena, thinking he was looking over at them.Because I bet Pena cared about what two d-bags thought about him to the point he kept on giving them the stink eye. So they decided to stay standing during the 8th inning. It's tied. KIND OF IMPORTANT. I don't enjoy it when people are standing in my view of Morneaus ass okay? Oh yeah, and the game too. *flips hair*
So This guy in front of me was laughing hearing me bitch and moan, I can tell everyone around us wanted to kill said "red shirt" and "orange shirt" so I yelled out "HEY RED SHIRT AND ORANGE SHIRT, yeah HI! Uhm, SIT DOWN? I'd loooove to watch the game" and they were drunk, laughing mumbling incoherently towards me then winking and being gross men. Everyone smiled at me since I was the savior, I should get a medal for standing up to two drunk guys in their mid 20's.

+Punto does his on deck warm ups very awkwardly arousing. I don't know if you've ever sat on the first base side. I sure as hell haven't. He crouches down like a catcher, puts his bat in front of him holding onto it then like moves his hips up towards it? Like he's working it like a stripper pole. I spit out my sunflower seeds on a innocent un-knowing small child. My bad.

+I feel gross saying I was yelling for either Reyes or Rincon to come in and pitch rather than Guerrier or Neshek. Has hell frozen over? No. Nick Punto was hitless, hell is still in it's dazzling hot state. But I sure as hell still feel awkward.

+Livan loves giving up home runs. So does Baker. And Neshek...uhhhh...

After the game thoughts:

+Carlos Gomez is going to have more stolen bases than hits. I swear. It can happen. Shut up.

+Cuddyer is supposed to be playing on Sunday, I'm soooo going to miss Span. Oh yeah also I need to stop being so sarcastic all the time.

+Seeing Bert Blyleven and Ron Coomer frolic around on the field makes me smile. And Anthony La Panta standing there with his shoes that look like they are gold because they are so shiny.

+My California math say's YOU know way too much Bert Blyleven, I'm speaking from the major league level because I'm a youngster. Fuck let's start this over I fucked up, what? It's live. Oh I didn't know, Booooooooooof, so you got Dick on your shirt? (thats my Bert Blyleven quote mash up)

+The free Kubel movement is in full effect. 2-4, run, rbi motha....shut cho mouth.


Update: I still don't like Everett.

An open letter to Pat Neshek

Pat Neshek.

Less of this:



And a lot more of this:



PS:Yes. Yes you can Pat. You need your meats.

pps:dont you love his new hair?

most depressing game ever

We were ahead by 5 twice.
I FUCKING HATE ADAM EVERETT.
Pat Neshek, EAT MEAT RIGHT NOW! NOW! On Wednesday I'm bringing you a 30 oz porterhouse and your EATING IT ALL!

Nick Punto, you crushed that ball. You still make me smile, truly.

The Wild better win, I can't sleep knowing the wild lost, and Pat Neshek can't pitch anymore.

Tomko.TomKat.TimmyTam.kokomo.

In Soviet Russia, Ball hits you.
Morneau layed a nice one right on your right shin.
But you got the slow lumberjack out, he runs as fast as I think.
And thats sloooowly.

The Kubeloution is moving along at a steady pace knocking another out of the park.
Oof Onser is being quite the good pitcher, getting out of sticky situations. Skills, he has dem.
OH, by the way. It's bottom of the 4th.
Oh, one more thing. Punto hit a single straight up the middle.
And very sexily might I add.
When I saw him running towards first I could hear "dream weaver" play in the distance.
Oof really should wear a tighter uniform, he looks so frumpy now. Like, he's wearing his dads uniform. And "his dads uniform" meaning Boofeteria era.

Top of the fifth

-Yay, Harris I like you kind of. You hit balls.
-Punto wanna go 2-2 and make me happy? Gotta love your .500 avg. And I gotta love your sexy patience Punto. I can't believe you just didn't swing. That just made my damn day, the end. I'll take walks a plenty from you.

Bottom of the fifth
-Gload single. That just sounds disgusting.
-4 strike outs so far for Oooooooooof.
-Oh Oof, two people on base two out. This is when you strike someone out and make me happy.
-I can deal with a high pop up though;)


Top of the Sixth
-Let's go Hummingbird let's go!
-Oh, I think we are trying to hit the pitcher.
-Joe, you so know girls love it when you grab your crotch like you have to pee. Do you really need to do that every time you stand up or spread your legs. Maybe the nut cup is too big ;)
-Morneau like hitting people with his balls. Uhm. Yeaaaap.


Bottom of the sixth
-The acee of spaaaades. Five dollar fooot looooooooong. Wow, I'm already sick of commercials it's only been two weeks. Uh oh.
-Those teenage girls screaming in the background, not cool. It's okay to be jealous of our hot line up.

Top of the seventh
-You say you want a Kubeloution well you know, we all want him to DH *whistles the beatle song* infield base hit.
-Hit and run loves the Harris.
-Span up the middle, Kubel scoring. 2-0 Twinkiez.
-OH bunt single by Nick Punto. <3 I MISSED YOU.
-Gomez-0 Pressure situations-1
-well if you get hurt and miss work, it wont hurt to miss work. and they give you cash which is just as good as money.Oh Yogi. So old. So senile.
-Oh goodness, Joe-rally-killer-Mauer is up to base, what ya gunna do? Ground out to second? Hmm?
-Got him looking, ouch Mauer, ouch. Bases loaded. Ouch. Mauer.


Bottom of the seventh
-So, Guerrier is pitching. And I'm going to be re heating my food


Okay it's like...bottom of the 8th now.
-Neshek is a scary pitching man. Watch it. I love it when Bert "cackles" because of Neshek.
-Yep, you all were spooked.

Top o da ninth to ya!
-Marney, I do need my windshield fixed and your soothing voice makes me want to go to luther to get it done.
-Nick Punto 2-2 with a walk and his avg is .600....nice. And he broke his bat. Good at plate. Minus the whole strike out, its okay.

Bottom of the Ninth
STAND UP AND SHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT.
Excuse me whats Joe Nathans ERA? 0.00? Okay just checking.
Oh well, I guess someone can hit Joe Nathans awesome pitches. Usually in like the baseball video games when you throw hard you see flames and it makes that cool WOOOOSH noise, when Nathan throws it's a glittery rainbow with doves flying towards the sunset.
-Oh back to back shut out games? YEAH.


Pre game
-Player of the game? Who to pick? The amazing pitching outing of (B)oof (B)onser? Jason Kubels 2 rbi night and home run? Or Nicks 2-3 night with a walk and amazing start of a double play to end the game?

OH OH.
I'm picking Nick, of course. Since ya know, he deserves it. Kubel already has a more kubel pic.

Join the movement my friends

Jason Kubel, if I was super musically inclined I'd so write you an awesome theme song.
But alas, I haven't written any music for quite some time, so next time your up to bat I'll just hum a random friendly ditty, deal?

And I think your walk on song should be "welcome to the jungle"

I'm going to be sad I won't see you boys play tonight, since the wild are supposed to win the game tonight, oh and they will my friend. THEY WILL.


Awesome pic of the day:

Skillz, he has dem.

Bitch Sox

Top of the first

-gomez is fast. very fast. he scores thanks to baby jesus.


Bottom of the first
-I HATE NICK SWISHER, ick you make me want to hit things. You are such a pompous ass, really.
-uh, Nick Blackburn. What the hell is this? Keep those balls down. DOWN. Runners at the corners nobody out, and thome is up now. Great. Grand. Awesome. Nice.
-base hit right field. Game tied. The bat flew in the audience and hit a old lady, hahahaha.
Oh wow Thome, good job. An old 70+ lady. BAM RIGHT IN THE KISSER. That so sounds like something Pierzynski would do.
-I'm calling that someone is going to get hit by a pitch, and AJ is going to punch someone. Senses, I has them.
-yeah, blackburn does what he should.

Top of the second
-Kubeloution single.
-Harris got that there Kubeloution to 2nd.
-Lamb rbi double? Yeah? Bahhhhhhh.


Bottom of the second
-What in the hell is on Swishers chin? No really. Someone please explain what that is. It's like...who bleaches their facial hair? Oh I forgot, douchebags do.


Top of the Third
-denards first major leauge hit, go boy go.
-Hey guys, its only 364 days until Berts birthday. Just to let you know.
-Either Joe Mauer side burns are getting smaller, or his head is getting bigger.
-The wind swirls in the stadium, so says Bert. Thats why Justins ball didn't go all the way.
-I hate it when Dick says anti twins statistics. yeah 12 ground ball double plays. Got it. Shut your trap.

Bottom of the Third
-Ozzie gets tossed out of the ball game? What? Well thats a shocker. Good idea Mauer, walk away. Mommy and Daddy are fighting.
-First piece of bazooka joe gum: "Joe where's my english paper I asked you to check" "relax I gave it to jake" "are you sure your dog is smart enough to check my paper?" and then the dog says.."the way you write, one of my fleas could do"
........wow, not funny.
-EW, PIERSUCKSKI. Go do something more your style like, Pretend you can wrestle.

Top of the fourth
- I miss Nick punto.

-Harris hit zee ball. Harris go to second.
-Mike Lamb looks cute from the side, and with a helmet on so you can't see his eyebrows of doom.
-Harris scores, Lamb has his second rbi double, aw snap.

-neverhitt..i mean everett...struck out.

Bottom of the fourth
- These are like crack. And so is Bazooka Joe gum. nom nom nom nom.
-Ew. bleach pube chin face douchebag got an rbi.
-I think Blackburn should hit Pierzkynski. Sorry, I was getting so used to watching hockey in the off season. And Blackburn has almost hit cabrera twice, and the fans are like AW SNAP OOOOH. I wonder what would happen if they hit nacho libre.
-Brian Bass= Sidney Ponson.
-Jim Thome hides underneath my bed at night.
-Nick Blackburn strikes out the boogeyman who dwells under my bed.

Top of the fifth
-Baltimore is 5-1? Wow, the beginning of the season makes horrible teams look good. Thats why in baseball, everyone wins.
-Why does Bert Blyleven know everything? He should go on Jeopardy.
-I'm still saying Morneau is going to get a home run, but I guess not right now.

Bottom of the fifth
-Bert is really starting to make those circles look so perfect and pretty. He's sober. Sad.
-If you were in a dark alley and Jermaine Dye walked up to you with a foot long 4.99 subway sandwich. What would you do?
-Pierzynski is up. And he's down. 1-2-3 inning.

Top of the sixth
-fly ball outs and strike outs piss me off, thats all I have.

Bottom of the sixth
-Matty G 1,2,3? Maybe?
-surprise! Strike out.
-OMG, I SPY PUNTO, aw.
-Oh my god, I really want to punch Swisher. He is so gross. I bet he's so gross he has mirrors on his ceiling, thats how gross he is.
-Bert and Dick are fighting again.
-Mike Lamb denies douchebag a run.

Top of the seventh
-BOONE LOGAN, your beard is scary. Okay, are the Bitch Sox attempting to see who can have the nastiest facial hair? Do they all envy Jesse Ventura?
-yeah, we need to start hitting.

Bottom of the seventh
-Bert doesn't want to get the flu. Bert hates the cold, and I think it's making him loopy.
-Matty G stop getting me all mad and such.
-Oh....lookie there lets put in Patty Neshekles Death Metal Vegan Wonder Boy Side Show Pat.
-I wish I had a herky jerky delivery.
-NESHEK, what? tie game now? Oh ouch, that hurt.
-*whispers* Neshek, hit Pierzynski....wait that would be a bad idea since its only one out and two people on base, jk.
-Striking him out is also a good thing.
-bases loaded, two out. Neshek why do you give me heart palpitations?
-BIG BALL OF HATE BIG BALL OF HATE. GRAND SLAM? NESHEK. NO.


Top of the eighth
-So, we scored a run. I'm kinda sad.

Bottom of the eighth
-that one guy I hate is up to bat, and that one pitcher I don't enjoy is pitching to him.
-Rincon strikes the douchebag out.


Top of the ninth
-white sox= horrid beard club.
-Matt Tolbert just broke the tv. Oh wait it's back.
-Go Go gadget Gomez.
-oh go go suck.

Karlee+Nick= too awesome for our own good

Okay so I first posted that lovely picture of Nick Punto being all ninja like flying in mid air, and I wrote "Nick Punto, I choose you!"

Then Nick Nelson from Nick and Nick's Twins Blog
noticed that Brock from pokemon looked a lot like Nick Punto.


So we decided Nick Punto is now Brock.


Fin.

A big bag of suck

Thats what todays game was.
4-6-3's make me want to rip out my hair.

Dear Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau, and Micheal Cuddyer,

Hi, it's me again. I think the last time I wrote you all was when you did good.
Which was feels like hmmm...I forgot. But anyways......
Last night Joe decides to hit into a lovely double play.
Then today, YOU decide to just give us a sloppy sac fly, good job?
(I dont care if you got two doubles and two rbi's. I look towards the negative side of things)
Micheal Cuddyer, stop learning card tricks and start learning how to hit under pressure.
And I saved the best for last. Justin, hey whats your avg? .000? WOW REALLY?
I like the beginning of the year, only time I can actually say Nick Punto is doing better than you. And he is my friend, he is. Since he's actually hit the ball and got on base. Now you know how Nick feels, you did an amazing play at first base, BUT you cannot produce any important hits.

Woe is Morneau.
Woe is you.

Good luck against the 3-0 KC ROYALS (wtf?),
-Karlee



Jason Kubel,
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey rubix kubes.
Nice ringy dingy you got there, first of the season. Congrats.
I don't want to hurt your feelings but I thought Morneau or Cuddyer would of gotten it before you.
But, alas you triumphed against the others. Oh Kubes, how do you do it.

I got a fever,
-Karlee

"nick punto is to web gems, is how like peanutbutter is to jelly"

So says the awesome guy on ESPN.
Top 5 web gems, Morneau was 3 and Punto was number 1.

it makes me excited, so excited I want to flash my tatt!


And I looooooove Gomez's sass
"Everybody here knows we've got a good team," Gomez said. "In the middle of the season, we'll see what happens. If you're scared for now, don't worry about it. I know the team will be great. When we've got 50-60 games, we'll be up on everybody."

Nick Punto, I CHOOOOOSE YOUUUUUUUU.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes ya don't.(live blog)

Pre Game:
-Game three, Nick Blackburns first major league start. I'm half and half for him. He was amazing in the arizona fall league, his follow through is so smooth looking, just like his doughy joe mauer-esque face. He has chicken cartialidge in his right knee. His new nick name is chicken leg.
Do not fight me on that one. He is SO soft spoken, but he will make bitches sit down. He will.

-Cold lo mien is good, but cold chicken isn't. SO I guess I have to warm it up. Since it's chicken le mien

-Delmon Young and Vladimir Gurrero kind of have the same swing. Weird. But Young is adorable. And Vladdy is a scary scary voo-doo master who doesn't use batting gloves :(

-Anthony LaPanta has such a strong voice. I couldn't sound that cool if I tried.



TOP OF THE FIRST:
-Harris, you dissapoint me time after time. Yuck. But Blackburn you do not disappoint me. Your strike to ball ratio is already making me flustered.

BOTTOM OF THE FIRST:
-Stop it, this is reminding me of last night. ICK.
-go go gomez. Patience, use it.

TOP OF THE SECOND:
-I love that Nicky hustle. Esp when it's when he gets out Torii Hunter.
-Casey kotchman= Casey Crotch-man.
-Bert Blyleven "youngster" count:1
-Bert Blyleven "at the major leauge leve"l count:1
-Nick Blackburn hitting pitcher count:1
-cuddyer awkward catch count:1

BOTTOM OF THE SECOND:
-Telley Hughes looks very huggable.
-Morneau you should ya know, be good. Lay it in there, meat.
-17 ground ball outs last night. Don't remind me Dick, talk about something happy. Like, how good Delmon Young is.

TOP OF THE THIRD
-Berts circle machine isn't working. Or he's already drunk. Either or.

BOTTOM OF THE THIRD
-Bert Blyleven "youngster" count:2
-Nick Puntos song is still "whip it"
-I hear a drunk man cheering him on...line drive to the pitcher. S-kay.
-UGH TOLBERT. Getting picked off trying to steal. Those youngsters I tell ya. But you did get your first major leauge hit.

TOP OF THE FOURTH
-gomez does what gomez does, and catches another fly ball.
-Kansas C
ity is 2-0. Creepy.
-1-2-3 4th for Mr.Chicken Leg

BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH
-Bert Blyleven "youngster" count:3
-GO GO GOMEZ single.
-double play balls make me feel icky.
-short stops who make errors, that aren't OUR short stops=makes me feel not icky
-Morneau, one pitch. High chopper. Fail.

TOP OF THE FIFTH:
-Blackburn makes me very happy.
-MORNEAU= AMAZING FIRST BASEMEN. Knock that ball down. KNOCK IT. Then back hand that ball to Blackburn to get the out, show em who's boss.
-9 men retired in a row for blackburn.
-I like it when they play good.

BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH:
-Redmonds walk on song is Led Zeppelins Kashmir. One more reason to love him dearly.
-123 inning. I have a feeling this will be a 20 inning game. Jokes.

TOP OF THE SIXTH:
-This is such a pitchers game. And thats fine, because that shows we still have a good pitching rotation.
-46 strikes 17 balls 6 strike outs.Blackburn you are greatness.
-Torii looks like he wants a home run, and I hear hecklerssss haha.
-Oh, he got his first hit! *gasps*
-six shut out innings for blackburn. nom nom

BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH:
-Lead off single for PUNTO, who what? HUH? Punto? Yeah. Nick Punto.
-"one ringy dingy"- Bert Blyleven, speaking of the catcher just getting spanked in his cash and prizes.
-Now Bert is saying he should put coomer in a catchers uniform, throw balls between his shin gaurds and show kids to wear nut cups. Bert, I love you so much.
-STOLEN BASE, ERROR PUNTO TO THIRD. SEE, Punto brings the awesome!
-we dont score but, that was grand. Good job Small Fry. Hustle hustle hustle.
I dedicate this to you, Nick Punto.


TOP OF THE SEVENTH:
-DAMNIT REDMOND/BLACKBURN, wild pitch run scored ick.

BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH:
-lead off hit by our cuddy buddy.
-ick morneau, your like turning into 07 Mauer. Double play rally killer Mc.Gee....

TOP OF THE EIGHTH:
-86 throws 63 strikes for Blackburn, Guerrier is pitching now, first time this season.
-wow, anderson is being intentionally walked to get to Torii Hunter. Fiesty.
-bases loaded.Appitizer sampler reyes is going to attempt to do some "damage", maybe they can put in Rincon and he can turn and throw to first but hit Torii again, no?
-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN Tolbert,you has the hustle.

BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH:
-Monroe takes a walk.
-SCREW DOUBLE PLAYS. WHY? STOP.
-we cannot lose this game just because of blackburns wild pitch.

TOP OF THE NINTH:
-Death Metal is up.
-NICK PUNTO, BEING NICK PUNTO. NINJA flying in the air, hustling his ass off bare handing a bunt to morneau to get the out. THIS IS the reason why I watch baseball. He excites the SHIT out of me. I know when hes playing, something amazing like that can happen. He makes me fan myself like a very excited gay man. It's insane.


BOTTOM OF THE NINTH:
-4th straight lead off man aboard, Tolbert.
-Gomez, dont pull a double play ball I'll cry.
-Gomez looks mad. 5 bunt attempts all fouls.
-Joe Mauer pinch hitting. I'm calling a rally killer Joe Mauer double play.
-OH, look at that.


After game thoughts:
It's sad that our "big hitters" have done nothing so far.
We lost because of a wild pitch. This game would of gone to the 20th inning, I was right.
But people make mistakes. BIG mistakes.
Make sure to watch the final score, I'm guessing Nick Puntos awesomeness will be on it.

Uh, atleast Torii sucked?

SO.
Only good things about last night:
Torii tried to make a scoop grab in center and failed. It made my heart warm.
Rincon hit Hunter. I laughed. I bet Torii never liked that little devil.
By the end of the game there were people heckling Torii, and this girl was like "come on torii!" and this guy said "NO..get over IT."

Ahhhh, bitterness.

Oh and I met two rad guys, and I saw a drunk ass get kicked out of the game.

Punto is playing in the game tonight.
So no matter what for me, tonight will be a fun game.
3rd base though, hmmmm. Okay gardy.

note:Torii Hunter is hitless in the series so far.

love lifts us up where we belonggggg

Gotta love when the Twins win the season opener.
And Joe Nathan making Torii Hunter sit down.
And seeing people lose balls in the teflon baggy of DOOM.
And Vladdy getting knocked on his ass, actually freaking out about being hit by Nesheks crazy slider. I guess it's only human to cower in fear against Neshek.

That game was too fun, it makes me very excited for the baseball season.
And this is totally off subject but in the twins commercial with cuddyer morneau and mauer.
When Morneau says "lay something in there meat"
MEAT=NICK NAME OF THE GUY IN BULL DURHAM.
That took me long enough to figure out.
And if you didn't know, NOW you know. And you can keep on thinking I'm "kinda" smart.


Carlos Gomez is the cutest thing since furbees.
For some reason he reminds me of Elmo. Just so..giggly and cute and you want to tickle him.
"This is the perfect [day]," Gomez said. "I score two runs today and we win."
Just how much more adorable can you get? Probably not much more than that.
And he's amazing because amazing cute adorable people are born dec 4th 1985.
(random fact: I was born dec 4th 1985, I suspect awesome presents this year, because me and carlos are like brother and sister now.)


Tonights game.
(B) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF.


Oh, one more thing. Whenever Mike Lamb gets a hit you have to "bahhhh"
That will also catch on.
"bahhhh" and "ooooftah!"

Snow snow go away....

come again some other day!

....well that isn't going to happen.
DO WE REALLY WANT AN OUTSIDE STADIUM.
REALLY?

I'm off to the dome, everyone drive safe!
<3

my aim away message:
Best time of the year (better if it wasn't snowing out)
Let's play ball!
<3.
Go Twins!
I might punch people in the mouth if they boo Torii, serious.
Nick Punto better pinch run for someone in the 8th.
I'm serious about that too.

BASEBALL BASEBALL BASEBALL

I'm too excited, truly.
SO....all I could come up with is this picture.
Because it pretty much just shows you HOW excited I am.

I guess in gardy's mind.....

If you are only down by one run, you put your son in to pinch run, who eventually gets picked off.
Oh yeah, he pinch "stood" for Lamb who was 3-3 today with the only run scored.

Then if you thought things wouldn't get even more awkward, he puts Punto out in center, AGAIN.

Liriano had a nice day today, going 5 innings only allowing 3 hits one run (hr) and 7 k's.
Let's hope this is a sign he'll go north with the boys of summer back to MN.

But let me get this off my chest.....why is mini gardy still in spring training?


Mr.Haas from Alright Hamilton! brought up to me "well, he is his son"
Yes he is.
But then I brought up this: "I don't care it's like putting my cat in to play guitar hero for me because she's my cat, but heres the thing. SHE'S A CAT! SHE CANNOT PLAY GUITAR. SHE DOES NOT HAVE FLANGES"

I think I made a good point.
Sure.

ahhhh, procrastination!

here it is:
Baby Jesus= doing good
Gardy letting Nick Punto play DH = I knew he had a good reason, right? But none the less. Hilariously cute.
Gardy letting his son play= He will never have a good reason for that, and it WASNT HILARIOUS. NOR CUTE. I might as well let Stephen Hawking be my fantasy draft pick for center fielder.



This isn't baseball related, but it's worth watching it:


a--bwa, bwa ahh...


More stuff happened but Karlee has been a busy bee this week.
SORRY Ya'll.

OMG, what kind of cheese does Joe Mauer like!?

One more reason to absolutely love and adore the twins, even more than ever:

Pat Neshek's new commercial

Nick Punto.
You disappoint.
Greatly.
I TOLD YOU to be better like, right away. Like, next time up if you suck more, we are so over. *flips hair*
/stupidity

Liriano, bad news bears man.
Baby Jesus, you got your first home run!
Delmon Young, keep being Delmon Young. Thank you.
Carlos Gomez, everyone born on dec 4th, 1985 is cocky aren't they? And cute.
(side note: I was born Dec 4th 1985, I'm a youngster Bert!)

Now here's a trend I can get used to.

We beat the bo sox.
Then the Reds.
Then the Yankees.
Then the Orioles.
(and we probably would of won against the devil rays since we were ahead and if we did one more inning THEN it rained, we would of won. Damn rain)
And today?
We had split teams and *gasp* We won against the Jays and the Bo Sox.

Is this the MN Twins I'm watching?
Am I obnoxiously happy for opening day? Yes?

Morneau finally went deep against the bo sox and his lil ol buddy Monroe did a home run RIGHT after him, I wish it was on ESPN because those stupid announcers would of gotten hard core tongue tied. Because the Yankees game it seemed quite hard for them to decipher between morneau,mauer, and morales.
Mike lamb went 2-3 with a run scored, he's funny,awkward and can also hit!


Twins 4 Jays 0
Bo Sox 2 Twins7

Oh and one more thing:
Twins 5-3; Red Sox 3-6.
That's the grapefruit league standings.
Oh and an fyi, thats against the 2007 world series champions, just to let you know. I don't know if you know. So if you didn't there...I threw it out there with a vengeance.
Tomorrow The Twins will play the Pirates in Bradenton,Florida at 1:05, with Scott Baker starting.



My feelings for the past week: YAHTZEE!

Jeter, stop looking in the camera when you talk

It's like your speaking to ME and it creeps me out.


PRE GAME:
It's been quite some time since I've written when the game is going on, I'm actually quite excited. I am soooo going to be rusty, and probably not that hillarious so bare with me.
But this whole "lets talk to Jeter for 15 minutes" is not making me a happy girl.
gomez harris mauer morneau young buscher knott jones tolbert....thats a very awkward looking line up.


TOP OF THE FIRST:
-Hi Carlos Gomez, you have the same birthday as me AND born the same year. So you kinda have to be good if your born on that day. Sorry. Bunt. Out. Your fast but not FAST enough. strike one,Carlos.
-Hmmmm Brendan Harris...yeah they are going to lose defensively if he's 2nd base. Someone realizes this. And its a guy on espn. I feel as if I'm working for the man. OH, he got a single.
-Mauerrrrrr, wow he does NOT stop growing.Mauer HIT INTO A DOUBLE PLAY? NO WAY. THAT NEVER HAPPENS. Oh, wait. Thats sarcasm. He ALWAYS does. He hits into double plays as much as Punto tries to lay down a simple bunt.

BOTTOM OF THE FIRST:
-Slowey, oh Slowey. Sweet Slowey. Make Karlee happy.
-one out
-Oh you aren't happy with your bat Jeter? Wow, your such a diva.
-Wow, guess the bat worked, spanked it to middle center.
-if nick punto would of been at 2nd he could of hit the double play? REALLY espn guy? I LIKE YOU.
-Slowey good boy, making A-rod swing and miss <3 Please strike him out. 2-2. Or walk him. It was a tough at bat, so ya know. That's okay?
-Giambi got caught looking, thats what I like.

TOP OF THE SECOND
-Morneau.I miss your boom stick. I don't miss pop flys. And the espn guy just called him Mauer. LOL, cute.
-Delmon Young, sup guy? YEAH HOME RUN, TORII WHO? WHAT? WHAT?
-Busch Light, back to back homers? No? Maybe? Wow Giambi, you can jump? CRAZY.
-two out
-Knott out

BOTTOM OF THE SECOND
-Posada looks like a mouse.
-YOUNG don't scare me like that! But you caught it. But don't do that again.
-GOMEZ, oh gomez.
-one out some yank on second.
-it's tied now, GOMEZ YOU MESSED up TWICE, but I guess if Slowey were throwing strikes we wouldnt be worried about guys hitting into center.
-There ya go, second strike out.
-NICK would of caught that Harris. See people, we NEED Punto. Yeah he can't hit but we'd still be tied. Not behind by one. Yeah I'm going there, it's pre season I don't care. I love starting fights.
-Get Jeter out, NOW Slowey stop with these shenanigans, OR walk him.
-Rick anderson knock some sense into Slowey, see if Punto was playing he'd walk out, say something along the lines of "I rode paul Molitors daughters training bike, think of that" then skip off eating swedish fish.
-Gomez, throw to the cut off guy or even the catcher, not the backstop. Gomez thats strike three for you, YOU are fired!
-I like it when A-rod swings and misses, makes me a happy girl. SWUNG AND MISS,nice strike three sit down bitch.

TOP OF THE THIRD
-Uh. Don't show Santana in a twins uniform again, thanks. I'm aware he's gone.
-"hey guys this is turning into a roast" awww gardy, your so witty.
-Gomez, maybe hit the ball, and make up for your mistakes. Or get out again. Thats fine.
-wow, we're out already?

BOTTOM OF THE THIRD
-I'm feeling very rusty today. I'm not as witty as Gardy. Most of the time I'm not because he's just a hoot.
-Julio De Paula is pitching now. I don't know how that makes me feel.
-BALK? RLY? Mauer get out there and say something smart.
-One down,....you know the rest.
-Gomez did another crazy throw, but we got another out. two out.
-strike out,looking.

TOP OF THE FOUTH (1-4)
-JOBA the hut is pitching.
-Harris, lets see what you can do. Other than not catch balls that Nick Punto could have caught.
-dribbler to 2nd. 1 Out.
-Mauer. chopper to first. 2nd out.
-Morneau. Walked.
-Delmon, want to hit another home run?
-Sighs, 3rd out.

BOTTOM OF THE FOUTH (1-4)
-randy keasler eh? *sits and watches*
-One out, nice Keasy. I bet gardy calls you that.
-haha, Damon at the plate and Mauer catching? I'm having pepsi commerical flash backs.
-ground ball to 2nd, two down.
-HARRIS. Okay he should not be 2nd basemen. Please if you want to tell me that I'm crazy to think Nick Punto would be better, go on and tell me.
-Gomez actually caught the ball, 3 out.

TOP OF THE FIFTH(1-4)
-C'mon BUSCH LIGHT lets fire it up! Oh you fired it up alright with that fancy single.
-Knott you better not strike out, ha. Get it. Yeah.
-WOW, he loves fouling off balls a lot.Awww Knott got caught looking, sad.
-Giambi looks like jabba the hut. Scary.
-Garret Jones two run HOME RUN! You hit that HARD. he hit that thing out of the park.
-Tolbert got hit on the ankle :( Poor thing that hit him straight in the kisser, if your kisser was your ankle.

BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH (3-4)
-Gomez caught another ball, *golf clap* good boy. One out.
-Casilla, you are quite good at short stop. Dang, you surprised me there. You should be at short stop not second. Two out.
-Keasler your good, you keep the ball down. I enjoy it.

TOP OF THE SIXTH (3-4)
-c'mon Mauer Pauer. Hit to the left center field for a two bagger. THANK YOU.
-Morneau, how about you show people how well you can hit, stop teasing us.
-Morales came in as a pinch runner, then failed, so did morneau. two out.
-Delmon young with a single. He makes me very happy.
-Oh, stranded a guy on base? Wow, shocking.

BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH (3-4)
-Awww,Hi Justin Morneau. Let's have a chat.
-Justin addmits he didnt do good today, how down to earth and canadian of you, Morney.
-Im going to say it one more time. If Punto was out there. we'd have two double plays by now. But wow, look. We have 0.
-WOAH, thats reyes? He doesn't look like a floater anymore. Yikes, I'm harsh.
-Oh yeah, Casilla thanks for making a double play.


TOP OF THE SEVENTH (4-4)
-the ball game is tied, sorry it's hard to type when I'm a giggly baseball-y mess.
-you got the hang of this, one two three. next inning.

BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH (4-4)
-DEATH METAL IS PITCHING. I missed his crazyness, nice simple one two three inning.Tasty.

TOP OF THE EIGHTH (4-4)
-morales takes a walk.
-okay is it "lets hit twins ball players" day?
-bases loaded, one out. ahhh, very excite!
-fair ball down the line two rbi double!
-All these new guys are making the game today, and the regulars haven't done anything. It's kind of weird...and I feel like I'm cheating on the regulars with the new guys.
-7-4 now. This makes me feel good about our team. I was so worried about all the new guys and how everyone says we are rebuilding. I think we already re built.

BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH (7-4)
-I officially dont know who anyone is on the field. Haha. Well I do but you get what I mean.
-Nice one two three inning. yahtzee.

TOP OF THE NINTH (7-4)
-Sorry, I had to go to the bathroom. Bet you wanted to know that.
-Morales on first, two out and someone I have no clue hitting. I'm such a good blogger. Really.
-Ahhh,the guy i have no clue hitting struck out.

BOTTOM OF THE NINTH (7-4)
-Sosa is pitching. Not Sammy silly goose.
-Gomez snatching a fly ball, one out.
-Girls who like the yankees shouldnt drink in the afternoon. Because Karlee doesn't like hearing you drunkenly slur/yell "LETHH GO YANKEEZ" your going to lose, have that bitter taste in your mouth, thats the taste of LOSS.
-I spoke too soon, yankee home run. Now drunken guys and girls are chanting lets go yankees.
-Base hit? Tying run to the plate? HEY GARDY, new pitcher! Skipper Karlee, that has a nice ring to it.
-3-2 two out...*drum roll* STRIKE three called!

That means we won ya'll!


Verdict: New guys +1
Regulars -1
that means it all equals to 0.
We're even. just like our wins a loses. 3-3.

Side notes: Harris I don't know about you. Your like Punto but a bit better hitting, but way worse with defense. Id rather have defence we already have guys who produce big hits.
(IE: morneau, mauer,cuddyer,young..well they SHOULD atleast)

All in all seeing all these "youngsters" against the big bad yankees. And us kicking some booty during the end there really gives me hope.

PS: ESPN needs to stop humping the yankees. They did not pay attention to the game. They called morneau mauer and called morales mauer. Thats a tounge twister right there. Jeez.

Martin Skoula

Your the Nick Punto of the MN Wild.
But, you suck as defense.
You won the last game for us so I GUESS I won't yell mean things at you at the next game I go.


I came home and took this picture of my cat.
Right after I was done eating my nummy wild sundae I automatically thought.. "CAT.HAT.IN.A.HAT.SALLY.WILD HAT"
I don't believe in proper structured sentences.
Side note: the black hawks and wild game is 1-1 and its the first only 2 minutes into the game.


Oh whoops, this is a twins blog isnt it?
Whoops.

A little bit of R&B. (Twins 8 Reds 6)

Ahhhhh...it's sunny outside. Perfect. Loud crack of boom sticks.
March 31st can't come soon enough.

The R&B boys showed us a thing or two about how it feels to tie in the 9th then win by a home run in the 10th.

I miss that feeling.

Bottom of the 9th. Nobody out Ruiz smacks a big one over the wall, with one on base tying the game.
Bottom of the 10th, 1 on 2 out. Basak pulls out his boom stick and huzzah, the winning home run.

This is why I love baseball. And the twins. Remember how amazing their comebacks were?
Sighs.

I'm also excited for Liriano, the franchise is throwing pretty well.
This season will be fantastical.

this is MY HOUSE.

As we speak the twins are ahead by 5 with the score 5-2.
NEWS FLASH: CUDDYER STOLE 3rd BASE AFTER GETTING A DOUBLE.
I'm so used to him getting picked off of first base!...not not getting doubles..or stealing 3rd!?
Okay, I'm fine with that.

Morneau was taken out after going 3-0. Ouch.

Punto got a single then stole 2nd.

Jon Knott got a home run against Buchholz

More to come if any other shenanigans happen.


UPDATE: we won 8-2.
First win, and a very good one at that.
A lot of stolen bases, I love games with lots of stolen bases.
These group of guys are looking better each day for me.

Red sox 7 Twins 6

Well, I think it's time for me to start being a little more rough and say...
When you have a comfortable LEAD, keep it that way.

Some of you are thinking "well, no duh Karlee"
Obviously they don't know the meaning. I'm telling them.

Mauer and Young had a good day at the plate.
Mauer had two walks and a single.
But we all know if there was someone on 2nd and two out he would of hit into a double play.
Because thats what Joe Joe Bee does.


And now onto something very awesome-like.

Howard Sinker of the Star Trib gave me a lil shout out
I feel warm and fuzzy, truly.
He said "Further, the blogger Karlee at omg mn twins is so enthused by Boof Bonser’s weight loss that she has offered up the name “Oof Onser” in tribute to how much of Boof is no longer there. After referring to him as the Boofeteria last season, Section 220 will refer to his slimmed-down self as Oof."

And I wittingly replied with: "Howard thanks for that lovely shout out.
And yes, it’s fine you can use Oof. It just fits. plus the whole minnesotan accent whenever he does something good (like ya know, strike someone out)
You can say “OOFTAH!”

Oh, I’m such a card."

My mind did that thing where you think of an idea and you feel as if your grew a few extra brain cells. (it took me a good 4 minutes to figure out what they were called, though. So I lost a few)

Every time he throws a "K" I will yell "OOFTAH!"
And I suggest everyone else does this.
We will make this a "(B)oof-a-loution"
I've enjoyed his (B)oofness for a while.
I remember last year my father yelling that he sucks and he won't be a starter this year.
(ouch, I know right? I would NEVER say that....ha)
I also would like to say, I enjoying proving people wrong, I mean who doesn't?

So this year will be an (B)oof-a-loution my friends.
Embrace it.
Love it.
*blares eye of the tiger*

(coming soon: An awesome witty picture that will make you say "oooooooh....Karlee!")

Twins 3 Boston 8

Boof did an amazing job.
I'm very excited for this season.
LOVES BASEBALL.

Sorry, I'm too excited.
Ahhh, that busch light kid cracked a homer, good for him.

from the tribe:
"2B Nick Punto made a terrific play in the first inning, racing behind the pitcher’s mound to field a high chopper from Dustin Pedroia and then throwing across his body to get the out at first base. Punto also had a good first at-bat against Hideki Okajima, fouling off several two-strike pitches before flying out to the left-field warning track."


March 31st. Come now.

oh yeah I wanted to break this out for ev's...now I have a reason to:

Why does this make me VERY happy?

Santana line:
IP -2
H - 4
R - 3
ER -3
K - 1
BB -0
ERA - 13.50


I know this will probably be the only thing I will smile about today.
We're playing the red sox tonight.
I don't know why I just feel as if we will get spanked.
But it does make me feel good seeing how horrid Santana did.
So I guess even the "best" can completely just BLOW ASS.
SO red sox, blow ass please.

My fave player at the moment: Juan Gonzalez
Ya know, the guy who's had one at bat the past 3ish years?
He hit a 3 run HR against THE Johan Santana.

NICEEEEE.
<3,
The absolutely innocent and pure and gentle Karlee.

Boof Bonser= DEATH METAL

WATCH OUT PAT NESHEK.

Boof is knocking at your hXc door.


BOOF BONSER MUSIC


CLICK.
Laugh your ass off.


<3,
Karlee

PFFFFT....what?

Spring Training has started.
8 days until first spring training baseball game.
HOLY CRAP KIDS, BASEBALL IS UPON US.


So who's with me on the whole "I really want Nick Punto to be amazing in spring training" thing?
I should stop humping his leg any day now, I swear I will.


So I'm watching channel 11 (all you minnesotans know as kare11)
And they show boof practicing and warming up and such.
Uh. He's evaporated. He's oof onzer now.
HE'S FAST.
Watch out Mauer, Boof is getting quite studly, he'll be messing with your game.
On and OFF the field boyyyyyy.

Oh, excuse me while I watch the Wild bitch smack the hell outta the canucks.
NASLUND YOU GOING DOWNNNNNNNNN.

And Rolston is playing *pitter patter*

Karlee OUT.

Liriano+Winehouse=love

Why are they a match made in heaven?

They both can't get their visas to get into the us.

Naughty Liriano, drunk driving.

BUT DONT FRET. He'll be at spring training....but a bit late.

So if my paint program worked there would be a witty picture of Liriano with a beehive hair-do on top of his head. But alas, it does not work. But you kids have a good imagination, right?

When Liriano was out he wrote a little ditty and it goes a little something like *reet reet*:

They tried to make me go to spring training
I said yo let me go
Yes I am black, but when I come back
You'll fo sho know know know

I ain’t got the time
And if my Gardy thinks im fine
He’s tried to make me go to spring training
I want to go, go, go

I’d rather be at home with baby jesus
I ain’t got 70 days
Cos there’s nothing, nothing you can teach me
That I can't learn from Mister Rick Anderson

Didn’t get a lot(of run support) in 07 (if he did play that is, but if he did he wouldnt of..carrying on)
But I know it won't happen in 08

They’re tryin to make me go to spring training
I said yo I want to go
Yes I am black, but when I come back
You will fo sho know know know

I aint got the time,
And if my Gardy thinks im fine,
He’s tried to make me go to spring training,
I want to go, go, go.

I know, this is a baseball blog.

But this is just too damn good NOT to post.




Oh, Mike Huckabee.

100th post.

And of course, who is it about?
Johan,........Santana.

I guess we are trading him to the mets for 4 "young prospects"
These are my thoughts: what the...FUCK!

Yep.
Thats about it.

On the upside Led Zeppelin is going on tour.

I guess we don't need a dh.
Hmmmm.
Kubel and Monroe.
Right.

I'm sure going to miss watching hockey, because ya know...they like to win.

Oh, Billy Smith.

We all kinda know Santana will be traded, thats a give in.
I'm done attempting to think we'll sign him.
I give up.

So how about you (YES you Mr.Smith) be a sweetheart and sign Morneau AND Cuddyer to a long term deal?
Hmmm sound good? huh? yeah?

"No matter what happens, I'm going to be in a Twins uniform for the next three years unless I get traded," Morneau wrote. "But some moves they make or do not make may have some influence on a long-term deal into my first years of free agency."

Is it me or what he said is giving you all sorts of kind of deja vu?
Ala Hunter, Santana, and Nathan?
The whole "moves they make or do not make may have influence on what I do" kinda thing?
Can't someone take a damn hint?
Guess not.
By the time the new stadium opens all we'll have left is Mauer.