Opening Day!

Yay, baseball is finally upon us! Celebration is in order. So, I will be writing my random thoughts whilst watching the Yanks and BoSox game tonight. I'll try my hardest (lies) to play nice.


- Jorge Posada looks like a malnourished Gus from Cinderella.

- An open letter to Josh Beckett: Oh hai there just letting you know this isn't spring training. Stop pitching like it is. <3, Karlee.

- Youkillis, you straight up freak me out. From the demonic facial hair to your super awkward batting stance.

- Theo Epstein, you are a sexy man. I naturally like you because I shouldn't because I am a Twins fan. (FACT) I like men I shouldn't. Like Nick Punto.

- Ever wonder where Luis Rodríguez went? CC Sabathia ate him. When nature came-a callin', his 'remains' ended up in Cleveland.

- Lance Bass is Derek Jeters doppelganger, and no that doesn't mean I find him attractive.
(Lance was totally my favorite, he was the shy one <3)

- Seeing CC's (his bra size too, which is weird and kismet-y) leg move up that high makes me not believe in the theory of gravity. I know 'what goes up, must come down' that that thing shouldn't be able to 'go up' in the first place.

- If Paul Revere didn't say "The British Are Coming!" and Papelbon said it instead the quote would of been "Ay...ay yo. All you mother *explicit* those damn brits are coming. They are suuuper pissed about that tea...even two years later! I MEAN COME ON. GET OVER IT."

- I wish I could make fun of the New Era commercial with Evan Longoria in it. But I can't. I simply can't. I love that man.

- Oh, this is weird I haven't brought up how much I loathe Nick Swisher. Hmmm. Interesting.

- News Flash: The Umps are on the Yankees side, yet again. Am I shocked? Hecks to the naw.

- Dude, Dr.Dre and LeBron James? Shut the front door. Compton is going to be very pissed off, Dr.Dre. Eazy-e more than likely thinks its unacceptable that you are a Red Sox fan and will pop a cap in your ass.

- During the off-season I use CC's pants as my yacht cover.

- Nick Swisher, your sideburns are ugly. Stop it. Just stop it.

- Scott Schoeneweis I like your name. Schoeneneneneneneneneweis.

- Double steal? You sneaky bastards, you Yankees. Okay ya know when I always say all they have is power? I lied. I totally lied. Remember that time when Nick Punto over ra---oh...wait I forgot I swore I would never bring that up (ScottyUlllgerrrwhyyyyy!)

- Cheeseburger Cheeseburger beat out Pedroiahhhh tha bahhhstan destroyahh to the bag. Pedroia is full of anger salad. Cheeseburger Cheeseburger is full of ham that Mark Teixeira just fed him for a job well done.

-Joe Girardi should of gone the "Miley Cyrus" way and got himself some invisaligns. You straight up look like a creeper.

-Joe Morgan thinks it's faster to slide into first than running through it. Nick Punto, Joe Morgan...Joe Morgan, Nick Punto. Now that the introductions are out of the way, this is when you two become best of friends forever.