Friday, August 31, 2007

bizzaker betch!

7:18-It's the top of the 1st.
Two K's already?
Ahhhh..I love you maybe.

Let's hope I still love you after the game.

Oh yeah ps: I really don't like Casilla. Sorry. I think I never will either.
And it's not because he took Castillo's place. I Sorry. Okay? NO.


No words.
Just a big bag of Lollercoaster.
I'm sorry. This is I..and..can't stop laughing. Oh..Ohhhhhh.

Alright..*breathes out*
Okay Okay.
GOD that picture is so wrong, right.


Maybe if Mauer didn't get hurt, we would be ahead.
Maybe if Punto decided to be as good as last year, we would be ahead.
Maybe if everyone and their damn cat didn't get hurt, we would be ahead.
Maybe if Morneau found his boom stick and knew how to produce rbis we would be ahead.
Maybe if Cuddyer didn't strike out as much, we would be ahead.
Maybe if we didn't trade people we really shouldn't have, we would be ahead.

And maybe if we didn't suck. We would be ahead.


It's only 8 minutes into the game and there is already 3 hits. 2 runs in already...wait..3 now..uh..wait wtf is going on!?


Garza is 0-2 against KC.
I'm not even going to update you on this game.
I'm not counting this game as a real game, I don't count the ones they don't show on tv a game.

I'm weird, shut up.

NEXT GAME: MUFFIN MAN. <3 plzdogood.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

sometimes u just wanna smack someone up.

from the tribe:

"Jason Tyner led off the inning with a single to right field. That brought up Punto, the worst-hitting regular in the majors. He was going to bunt, of course, and he did -- just into the air behind home plate. Indians catcher Victor Martinez made the catch for the first out.

"It's my own fault," Punto said. "I can't try to bunt pitches that aren't buntable. The pitch was a little high. He was doing exactly what he was trying to do: get me to pop it up. I should have took one."

If you knew it was high. And you knew what he was trying to do. And YOU KNOW you can't bunt pitches that aren't buntable...

Okay, I can make excuses. You were nervous. Obviously you've been in a slump for quite some time. But seriously....I'm not mad I'm just SO SAD about how bad you are doing. I mean come on.

At least you are the leader with the best fielding percentage in the American league for 3rd base.
It's .974.
And it's also the 2nd best in all of MLB.
That is a big plus.
Nick Punto has a better fielding percentage than A-rod? And David Wright? AND TEH JETER..omigawdnowai.
Yeah think about that one. It makes me smile. Then I realize A-rod's batting avg is like makes me die a little inside. BUT WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT BATTING NOW ..are we!...uh. Wow Karlee settle down there.

Okay YOU KNOW WHAT I'm going to say it.
Nick should get a golden glove.
And I know alot of you would agree with me.
Having a gold glove doesn't mean your bat is golden too.
Just the glove, thats it.
He deserves it after having a shit-tastic time at the plate.

Punto, you should be happy you are cute and nice, and amazing on the field.
And you should also be happy that Gardy loves you with with every inch of his Santa Claus heart.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

End of the world..

.......Or something.

SO ya know we had the locusts this year.
We've had flooding.
Weird things happening and then I stumble across this on

(Zomg Mike Pomeranz is a stud LOLLERCOASTERWTFBBQ.)

"You've no doubt heard the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
Well Monday night's storm rained fish on Dale Johnson's Burnsville yard.
Johnson said he found a 29 1/2 inch northern on his lawn Tuesday morning.
He lives about one mile from the Minnesota River, but this wasn't a flying fish, just a northern.
He says there are no hook marks on the fish.
Johnson has no idea how the fish ended up on his lawn."

It's teh jebus.

See in my eyes if its the end of the world the Twins will miraculously get into the playoffs.


Tyner already got a home run.

Naughty Karlee.

Hospital rooms don't have FSN.

..and that's just not right.
Or I couldn't find it..

SO I was M.I.A for quite some time.
Karlee was a very very sick bird. Very. Sick. Bird.


I was a sad girl because I couldn't watch half of the baseball games because I was in the hospital.

Won 5 games in a row? guys got me all excited.
Then you guys started to play the Indians.
And then..I got un excited.

Tomorrows match up is black sabbath VS. Sit down, Bitch.
It going to be nuts.

Oh but I did catch some parts of the game today, even though we lost.
Uh..nice play by Punto? (I feel like a damn broken record over here..)
Bare handed..mid air throw..buhguhdslkfddjflkjdf meow.
And Torii showing off his "I can still slam into this puffy wall right here and look sexy while I catch this baseball right quick" skills.

Tomorrow I hope our boom sticks will come out to say hello.

Thursday, August 23, 2007


Twins5 - We lost by 27 points last night and we lost again tonight too- 2

You are the first awesomer of the day.
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Awesome game saving plays.
You catch the ball like a bee attacks flowers.
Going up to the Boof being all "we should do this"
And it worked. Getting the guy out at 2nd.

And that awesome Bunt and double and two runs scored?

0-1 game until the 8th inning when Punto opened it up with a perfect bunt. Then awesomeness insued.
Then Punto doing it again on a double play.

Say what?
Nick is over 200 again?

And Boof.
I You are amazing.
one score in 7 innings?
I think I can break this out once again.
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OH yes.
The Boof the Boof the Boof is on fire.

I smell a sweep. Don't want to be cocky but....C'mon.

thoughts of a baseball

Dear Justin Morneau,

Hi, it's me. *sighs*
Remember the days when you hit me between those two big yellow foul poles? And all the exciting fans tried to grab me because you hit a home run? I miss that. It's been a month....I'm sick of getting hit on the ground, it's messes up my complexion. I like it when you smack me SUPER HARD.

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Dear Nick Punto,


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Dear Boof Bonser,

Stop throwing me so high. I don't want home runs from the other team. I WANT HOME RUNS FROM YOU GUYS OKAY? And let me slap perfectly happy in Mauers mitt plz.

ps: oh yeah..when I said not to throw high, I also mean don't throw me in the damn dirt. Or infront of the plate.

bashfully yours,
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I SWEAR if you guys lose 0-1 again.
I will burn all my clothes in my living room and dance around saying I'm John Lennon. Wanna know why? Because your making me go bat shit crazy.

no words,
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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

In the land of 10,000 injuries

Watkins got hurt in today's game.

from the tribe:

"Tommy Watkins sustained a lower abdominal muscle injury running the bases in the eighth inning. He’s day-to-day, but he was still in pain and having trouble moving as the team packed for Baltimore."

I've heard people saying Nick Punto has a voodoo doll.
And slowly I'm thinking it's true....

The curse of the 3rd basemen position:

Buscher gets hurt.
Then Cirillo gets traded.
Watkins is now hurt.
And Rodriguez got sent down.

He's not just a super hero. He's also a voodoo magic man.

And Torii also has been feeling not so good:
"Torii Hunter has a sore right shoulder today, which led to Jason Tyner entering as a defensive replacement in the eighth inning. Hunter insisted he’d be back in the lineup tomorrow night."

He insists because he's hard core.

But seriously.
Can we get a break?
It feels as if every series someone gets hurt.
The only person who hasn't been hurt/sent down this year I think is Punto. (it's b/c of his voodoo magic-ness)
I could be wrong.
But it totally adds up with my crazy prediction that Punto is into dark magic.

I think he doesn't hit the ball well because his bat is his wand. And he doesn't want to hurt it, because broken wands....well they don't work.
I need to stop reading Harry Potter.

Buscher is supposed to be activated tomorrow.
I wouldn't be surprised if he got on the wrong plane. By "accident"
(aka nick brain washing him into making him go to Cabo San Lucas instead of Baltimore)
(fyi: I'm not SERIOUS...maybe)

Bi Polar

That's what the Twins bats are.
It was 7 to 0...and thats the first inning.
11 men bat. 7 on the board.

Yeah..the 7 is for US.
I know..relax, sit down. Breathe in and out slowly.
Cuddy got a grand mo effing' Grand Slam.
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And Mr.Nicky-p got did a sac fly.

Oh Justin Morneau, you needs a home run. Like, soon. You haven't hit one since Toronto...ok no home run. Base hits are fine.

We won.
OH jeez.

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That devo hat would make a pretty rad-ass jello mold. With oranges and fruit like things in it.. Mmmm..

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

GARZAAAA!!!! wtf mate?

Just to let you know we were playing an EFFING game not a home run derby.

I realized.
If he didnt suck hard core.
We would of won the game.
WE PUT MORE THAN 1 run on the BOARD?

Now lets just WISH we finish them off. (next two games, that is)
If not.
I'm hungry for blood.
vampire karlee.


Hey this is Garza..Uh..give me run support?
*after the 3240983409843094 home runs*
guys uh..yeah..I uh..I..I...I....*weeeps* OH PLEASE.


wow..uh..hey there turbo.
Tell me why you suck so hard while at home?
Oh..shhh..mauer isn't around.
Yeah he blows at home TOO.
I don't know why...
Maybe because he's still a nervous little thing around his friends from highschool and his parents. WHO CARES. hrbek was still good and hes from MN.

I'm done talking
we lost.
we need to win the next 2.
the end.


Monday, August 20, 2007

The Johan Santana Show.

Episode: Awesome.
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Hello. I am Johan Santana, and yes I know...I'm sexy. Plus I sat down so many bitches tonight I even turned on Melissa Ethridge.

8IP 2H 0BB 17 K's

See something crazy?
I do.
17 ks.
I swear he is part cyborg.
And part stud.

19 K's for the whole game.
Why thank you Mr.Ihaveafirstnameforalastname

And Cuddyer, thanks for that whole scoring thing. was nice.
Since if we kept on playing it would of gone into the 20th inning.
Oh and nice rocket launch you did to home plate.

And thanks Punto for that run,walk, and steal....even though nobody knows how to produce RBI's. It's okay.

Joe Mauer,
How do you feel that you did worse than Punto this series?
No hits?


Terry Ryan,
Don't be a stupid bitch.


Friday, August 17, 2007




Okay. I held onto this kid for a long time, I knew he'd do something so magical, it would shove the spirit back into the twins. I always thought he was good. (we all know this) There is something about him.

And tonight. He won the game, and let me tell you that is one of the best games I've seen in a while. They all looked so effing happy. Trust me I bet alot of people spazzed out. I'm proud of him and I'm proud of our local little super hero.

Nick Punto

I felt soooo horrible when he was up to bat and two out.
Then he struck out.
I kept on telling my friends he will make it up and they are like "'s Punto" and I'm like "but I just know he will do something. The 87 magic is upon us" and my friend is like "87?"

Yes I hit her.
But then out of nowhere
BAM wham triple ma'am.
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Then insanity and happiness ensues after he steals home on a pitch obviously lil Mr.Salty couldn't make.

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CONGRATS <3 w00t!

Line em' up.

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Joe Mauers avg. against Texas is .206.
So he's like Nick Punto when he plays against them.
Maybe..uh..Nick will play like Joe Mauer when he plays against Seattle?

We can only wish.

PS: My wish came true. I am truly happy.


I like a day off.
...from baseball that is...

Let's you collect your thoughts.
And it helps that we won before the day off.
So I'm less bitter..but then again I am always bitter.

This is what I (don't) love.
All these kiddos who completely spazz out and saying the Twins don't deserve to get the wild card if we even get the chance. Since how they have been "slacking" as of late.

Here's the thing. Now that they won two games. You "guys" are like "omigawd. We rock! I love Torii Hunter! OMG. I'm a fan again. PENNANT RACE HERE WE COME..hehehe lol omg."

Yes we all know it's been quite the emotional roller coaster ride with this team. But it usually is. Yeah I say some things out of anger but I will never stop cheering for the boys. Or stop watching like some people do. Until they start doing better again.

I realize not to get ahead of myself. Yes, great that we won. But once they win 2-3 games in a row don't get your mind thinking we will win the pennant. Because there is a chance that in a couple of days you will say they have NO chance and your going to start watching the Mets b/c Castillo is playing for them now. It just hurts my head when it's "Twins on the road to october!" then "Twins slacking, no chance of pennant or wild card" then "OH..haha..nevermind..hehe.."

And the whole "will they make the wild card race/pennant race".
We all want them to. Everyone wants their team to win.
I mean...who would want their team lose? (besides when the Phillies lost their 324098439084 game and the fans cheered.)
I really don't care. If they don't. Next's just fun watching them.
And if they do? Well... freaking awesome.

I like me some baseball.
I don't care if some of the teammates aren't up to par.
I know you HAVE to trade to make your team better.
I know you lose.
I know you win.

I just know I love the team in it's whole. Good or Bad. There will ALWAYS be someone on the team not as good as the others. I love them all because they all want the same thing, and they are all trying as hard as they can. Even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it. Remember people aren't perfect. We would love Puntos offence to get better. We would love for Morneau to get out of his slump and start using his boom stick. We would love for our offence to be just as good if not better than our starting pitchers. We wish Liriano wasn't hurt. We would of liked to keep Castillo. And the main thing floating around we would love some "consistency"

But you can't have everything. Take what you get, and have fun watching the best sport on the face of the planet.

Now who's excited to watch our team play some Base-a-ball tomorrow?
I know I am.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

booom shaka laka laka BOOM.

Warning: May contain a barrel of laughs. But might also contain a barrel of suck. Or a barrel of awesomeness.

Bottom of the 3rd.

-I hear Cowbell. I got a fevah..and the only prescription is for some rbis. Or maybe Scotty Bakes to throw more STRIKES.
-Ichiro Is a ninja. He stole 2nd and 3rd. He's such a ninja I bet he can steal 4th...yes. I said 4th.
-Bert yes..we know you had (main word) an amazing curveball. Now hes saying about different size balls..and seams..and some are bigger than the other...Oh, Bert.
-Castilla. A tarp was there. Uhm. Just to let you know.
-Watkings. Nice catch..And nice 4 fake throws. And falling on your ass. You made a Punto esq type play. Stop breaking my heart.
-We got out of the inning safe,huzzah huzzah huzzah!

Top of the 4th

-Bartlett. Lead off doubles make me feel fancy. I bet it makes you feel fancy too. Rawr.
-Bartlett, thanks for checking beltre into the dirt.
Taking hockey lessons from Mr.Canada, eh?
-Speaking of Mr.Canada. Hi. Your boom stick called, it misses you.
And Justin called back and said "Shhh..I like pop up's..the chicks dig it..."

Bottom of the 4th

-Yankees lost. And Red Sox lost to the devil rays (LOLLERCOASTER)
-Bakes. Three straight strike outs? NICE. Would it be too much of me to ask for a bakers dozen of strikes? I think so.

Top of the 5th

-Strike outs aren't "nice" when it's our players striking out.
-Ron DL do something nice.
-Bert said marny looks pretty. OoOoOoOoOoHhHhhhh..
-OH OH. SWEET BABY JESUS. First home run rly RONNIE?
-Watkins first major league hit? WOAH. What's going on here?
-I feel some crazy shenanigans comming...

Bottom of the 5th
-WHAT..DICK..You don't have your US MAP on you. Now something crazy is going to go on....
woah..wait its the top of the 6th already? Was is that amazing I missed it?
Baker are you taking ninja mind lessons from Ichiro?

Top of the 6th
-B ROCK. NOES. YOU okay? OMG Punto is running for you. Run like the kitten you are. Hopefully b-rock didn't pull anything. Why must someone always end up getting hurt once we start doing okay?
-Morneau looks mad..had some nice words for the ump.(ps:got called out on strikes,ouch mor mor)
-Cuddy. Swing next time.

Bottom of the 6th
-Gardy, got thrown out? CUTE. Now ullger is running the team. Oh goodness. And Punto is at short. I told you I felt some crazy shenanigans coming..
-Now it's a tie game...scotty, oh..scotty.Ibanez you are all that is evil in the world...but Ibanez guitars are pretty sweet. But not baseball players named Ibanez

Top of the 7th
-Now all we need is Punto to have a home run, then this game can officially be named the WEIRDEST GAME EVER.
-1,2,3. yuck.

Bottom of the 7th
-twins, your defence makes my heart melt. In the good way. Yum.
-1 and oh to ichiro..1 and oh to ichiro...say it, it's fun. Slides off your tongue surprise, he hit the ball.
-two out. peeps on the corners. Lets do this bakes.
-Or not...Death Metal can do the job.
-And he did.

Top of the 8th
-Castilla. got some sharp shades on. And thanks for "spanking" a single down the middle.
-Punto. Remember, you have to make a home run to top the "awkwardly weird game sundae" with its awkward cherry?
-OR you can just do a bunt and get a double. That's also a very nice thing.
-Ohhh walking Mauer eh?
-AND the bases are full. AND we get a run in. AND the bases are full again. AND we are ahead. AND I'm happy.
-Stike out Morneau. Yeowza. I can feel that anguish and hate from here.
-Hai I'm Michael Cuddyer. And I swing at balls and miss. wassap?
-Hai I'm Rondell White. The bases are loaded what shall I do? *pause and watches* dribble it to first. side note: dribbling is in basketball. NOT baseball.

Bottom of the 8th
-DEATH METAL DEATH METAL oonst oonst...make them go "no boom"
-death metal moshes the eff out of the line drive ball. Getting out of the 8th safely.

Top of the 9th
-I had the great idea of making a "dick and bert" drinking game. I will be posting that soon. And my ideas for the game will probably get you drunk within the 3rd inning.
-Watkins u best bunt boi. Oh. buntfoul. Don't bunt on two strikes. But I bet Punto already told you that. And if you do? Naughty.
-Watkins. Double. Rawr.
-Punto you need some rbi's. You need to smell em'. It's been a while. Keep fouling the ball off until you find a nice ball. Or...yeah...*shrugs* *hums dont stop believing by journey*
-Remember the last time you walked Mauer? I remember.

Smell em'

*insert karlee dancing around house and her phone ringing off the hook, hearing the excitement from other loyal awesome twins fans*

Bottom of the 9th
Joe.Nathan. Nuff said.

Pre Game

6-1. Is there such thing as "happy salad' eh? Pulling A Blyleven?



Thank you.
But whats the deal with you guys sucking pure suckness.
Then winning a game 11-4 (aka a lot to a little?)
Can't you spread that out a bit? C'mon.

2B: Bartlett (16, Ramirez), Cuddyer (20, Ramirez), White (2, Ramirez), Hunter (34, Rowland-Smith).
HR: Bartlett (4, 5th inning off Ramirez, 0 on, 0 out).
TB: Casilla 3; Bartlett 7; Mauer; Hunter 4; Morneau 2; Cuddyer 3; White 2; Tyner; Redmond 2.
RBI: Redmond 2 (28), Casilla 2 (7), Cuddyer (62), Bartlett (31), White 2 (6), Morneau 2 (91).

So. Punto got on base twice? If I remember correctly but both on fielders choice. Wtf. So that doesn't count as a hit. Eh.

Nice game kiddos.
I actually smiled, and did happy squeals.
And during the last 3 innings I went to a bar. And people were actually cheering this time.

I'm still not %100 awesome yet.
You guys need to prove you can do this more than once. And not go into the big pure-utter-suck-hole again.

We made awesome double plays (thnxpunto)
We did everything...well..pretty much right.

Garza 100(pitches)-60(strikes)= w00t.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

You can't get rid of him

SO get over it.
Nickles is in the line up again tonight.

Gardy was probably like "uh..yeah..Nicky. *sighs out*..because of last night..that bunt..or..if you want to call it that... I don't think.. *pause* ok you are too cute...stop looking at me with those puppy dog eyes. You did hit the ball once and got walked twice..improvement.. You can play *pats him on the head and tosses a bag of Swedish fish down the hall* fetch"

I'm this close..

....To sending cookies and kittens to the twins locker room.
The boys need some hard-core hugs. And a couple nice love-taps on the ass for good measure.

From the star trib:

Sizing up the mood, Hunter said, "I don't know what's wrong, don't know what happened. Don't know if it was [trading] Luis Castillo, or the comments from Johan, or what. But something negative has hit this clubhouse. Somethings not right."

They need to all sit down and talk to each other about their problems.
Have some cookies, pet some kittens and get their blood pressure down a bit.
(Because its a known fact petting kittens/cats makes your blood pressure go down, don't believe me. GOOGLE IT.)

Nicky, stop getting too excited. We might have to stop giving you so much candy and treats before the game. Why would you bunt with 2 strikes? Why didn't you just fly out! *Huffs and stomps my feet*

Johan. Stop pouting. You still look sexy when you pout. And you know it.

Cuddyer. Striking out isn't cute. Work on that.

Morneau..... LULZ WTH? Find your boom stick please.

Mauer. Just stand there and act like you suck and your struggling just as much as the other really aren't make them feel better..please...oh btw..that catching error and you trying to steal 3rd. NOT SO CUTE. But those two things are the least of our problems.

Torii...have uh, you been playing recently? Because I don't notice you out there. Sorry.

Gurrier. I truly feel bad for you. No I do, I'm not mad. I'm just sad. *gives you teddy bear graham crackers*

Gardy. Uhm. Did Nathan have to go to the bathroom really bad? Is that why you didn't put him in? I hope that's the reason. Rly. And I'm glad you sent down Ford and brought up Cali, because he's really been helping (NOT!)

Guess what.

My heart is officially broken into 450945094844048430430943 1/2 pieces.

Nick Punto.
You break my heart.
You were doing SO good today.
And..uh..that "bunt" UHM.
Just...oh wow. Keep it in the strike zone not lift your bat up and act like u were trying to run to first when YOU KNOW it's a sac situation. You Don't do that. You lay the bunt down and jog nicely to first knowing you did your DAMN JOB. *breathes out*
You got ahead of yourself. Go back to the basics. Plz.

That's what we need to do.
And Joe Mauer, NEVER steal 3rd ever again.

And can someone PLEASE TELL ME why they put in Gurrier and not Nathan?
Is Gardy smoking rocks during the 7th inning stretch?

He needs to start taking the tranquilizers they give Bert after his "f bomb" situation. (In my mind I think that's how they settle him down.lulz)
Then maybe he can realize he should of put in Nathan. And put himself in to bunt for Punto.
And Anthony LaPanta needs to stop taking caffeine.
And Coomer HAS to stop smiling and giggling about everything.

I'm sorry I can't handle another loss.
I truly can't.
Especially how this one ended.
I was like "OMGZ it's tied we can just get these three peeps out we have a chance!!111one"

Then BOOM.
And my heart exploded.
And it didn't help that it sounded like world war 3 outside of my house from all the damn cloud to ground lightning, hail, and bad-ass tree bending winds.

I was already tweaking out seeing a hurricane outside.
Then they had to pull that "OH HAI LULZ by the way I'm going to hit a walk off home run becuz I think it would be SO FUNNY, my heart is warm right now thinking of all the souls/hearts/minds I've just broke...lollercoaster"

Bert:hmmm my "California math" says we've been sucking for..*looks around* Dick do you have a calendar?
Dick: No Bert, but I just got a new map of Guatemala.
Bert:well..I don't care..but we've been sucking for too long.
Dick:Yes Bert.
Bert:so...we suck, dick? *pause,muffled laughter*
Dick: Punto up to bat...
Bert:ohhh *Beep*
Dick:glad we bought that hand held beep machine for you.
Bert:yeah it's been working out very well. Since the last incident and all..
Dick:It says it was made in Malaysia..*hears him flip pages* that's right next to Indonesia and Thailand Bert!
Bert:*the beep machine goes off for a good 30 seconds* You know where My fist is? *Beep* IN YOUR FACE.*beep* YOU ARE HERE BY CIRCLED*beep* YOU ANNOYING LITTLE..*beep*

Monday, August 13, 2007

Sunday, August 12, 2007

My great uncle.

He's one of the only last Yankees players alive from the 61' world series.
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He was an amazing player.
My whole family said if he didn't play for the Yankees, he would of been a huge star on a different team.

He played with the likes of Roger Maris, Mickey Mantle, and Yogi Berra.

He blows my mind with how good he was.
Baseball runs through my blood.
I've met him a couple of times. And he's a great man. I can tell you that. I haven't seen him for a while. But the times I had with him were great. And hopefully I'll have more with him

from wikipedia:

Blanchard will always be remembered for his heroic play in the 1961 World Series. He hit 2 home runs in that series against the Cincinnati Reds and batted .400 for the entire series. In his career, Blanchard appeared in the World Series 5 times for the Yankees and holds the Major League record with ten World Series pinch-hit at-bats


see i like to talk about happy things.
since the twins are blowing some hard core ass-bat-ness.


I'm going to stop blogging.
Until you guys win again.
Because the whole me being sad thing..isn't really working.

You guys are making me have a nervous twitch in my left eye.
That isn't healthy.

I'm guessing you guys are going to lose today.
Down by 4.
They have one chance (top of the 9th) to score 4 to tie. Or 5 to win.
I'm not trying to be a debbie downer.
But how you've guys been playing recently.
I highly doubt there will be a top of the 9th rally.

And if there is.
I might possibly piss my pants.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Line-up and down-age.

Alexi Casilla 2B
Jason Bartlett SS
Joe Mauer C Justin Morneau 1B
Torii Hunter CF
Michael Cuddyer RF
Jason Kubel DH
Rondell White LF
Nick Punto 3B.
Starting pitcher Carlos Silva.

See anything weird? If you do you get a cookie point.
SO uh. In my mind it doesn't matter where you place them.

*breathes out*

Friday, August 10, 2007


The game started with 2-0
we got to 2-1.

I'm like AWWWW we have a chance. OH YAY.
Even though we had about 439048490 times to score.
And had bases loaded twice.
I can get past that.

So 6-1.

I take that whole "get past that"
No. Seriously.

And I mean Mauer,Morneau,Hunter and Cuddyer haven't been the best either. But who pays attention to them? "they have been good this year so who cares if they suck now?"

If one person sucks.
The rest of the team can pick it up.
But if the rest of the team sucks.
We have problems.

Its the bottom of the 7th.
vladdy is up.
And let me tell you, he scares me.
He looks like a crazy-ass voodoo lovin' scary man who doesn't use gloves.
I bet he bites the heads off of chickens. And sacrifices goats.
He got walked. yuck.

Okay so I realized NOBODY on our team is above .300....
Should I give up now?
Lose all faith?

(sidenote: singles night august 17th at 7pm at the dome.)

I found it hilarious that bert said "rincon has been in our bullpin for 5 years (or 6..dont remember) and this year he has been struggling"


bottom of the 7th still..took out raccoon and put in
Where in the world is carmen cali-diego
One K.
Now he walked someone. CALI. NOES.
(atleast ron DL hit the ball sexy tonight..thanks 4 teh arrr bee eye)
Oh, thanks..they just scored.
Now you did a wild pitch.
Now Ortiz is coming in.
Someone shoot me in the face right now. K? thanx.
Another run in.
I think its 3490484908 to 1 now? Maybe? (its actually 8-1)
There is still one out.
AND DICK "oh he hasn't hit a major leauge home run yet"
Are you suggesting he should?
You want him to pull a tyner?
OH wow..9-1...bases are still loaded. Still one out.
oh oh OH. 10-1.......but two are out. Oh wait. Who cares they are 9 ahead.
Finally we got them out...

Lets say.
Next two innings.
We get 5 runs each.
Excuse me while I jump on the Lollercoaster.
But I think the Lollercoaster just got off the tracks and is quickly tumbling into the depths of hell.

Watkins is DH'ing now.....

Excuse me while I go drink myself into a coma.
Be back next year.

Ps: Jim souhan is mean. Of COURSE it's nicks fault that the guys in the begining in the line up are stressed into doing good hits(NOT).
Didn't he noticed Cuddyer did nothing tonight?
Or the rest of the team?
No. He didn't. B/c it's easy to pick on punto.
Might as well kick them harder when they are already down right?

pps: Suprised the vikings lost? I'm not.

round 2

of resemblance.

Nick Punto.
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Nick: Lately has been getting criticism about how he's playing. And people saying he shouldn't be on the team.

Pluto: has been getting alot of criticism lately about if it should be a planet or not.

Pluto is smaller than seven of the solar system's moons:
the Moon-
Joe Mauer, b/c the moon is the planets. And he's captain planet..but he isn't blue....greenish..turqoise..sea foam green. WHATEVER color he was.
Cuddy,b/c Io is explosive and so is your boom stick.
Europa -
Torii Hunter.b/c you are active. As is the surface on Europa
Ganymede -
This one screams out Gardy.Ganymede was a Trojan boy of great beauty (ain't he purty)whom Zeus carried away to be cup bearer to the gods. Cup bearer= nut cups and gods=the twins. Catch my drift. Good.
Callisto -
It would be awesome if this one could be castillo. Wait. IT STILL CAN
Titan -
Justin Morneau. Do you really need to ask why?
Triton -
Johan Santana....nuff said. You are not god of the sea, you are god of the mound.

And Nick is smaller than more than 7 of his team-mates.

Ta da.

You know Pluto actually means Hades in Greek mythology...meaning the care taker of the under world..aka..satan...aka..hes more hard core than death metal/neshek

Hmmm. Fox Sports...

Got this off of one of the fun groups I go look at:

From Fox Sports:3B —
Nick Puntkiewicz, Twins Thankfully for Twins fans, Punto hasn't been playing every day of late. However, he's still a qualifier, which makes his 2007 batting line of .209 AVG/.298 OBP/.271 SLG impossibly damaging to the team's hopes. A corner defender simply cannot slug less than .300 and not be a profound liability. The Twins have also tolerated miserable production from left and DH this season, and that's a big reason they're probably not going to the playoffs.

Nick Puntkiewicz.....
Are they all out to get me, and attack my heart?
I think you are fox sports...who's next?

How DARE you bring up my ex boyfriend and mix my new boyfriends name up with it!?
But seriously.
NOT cool.

You could of just said Nick Punto. But you had to go on and say something uber naughty.

Anyways...todays line-up:

Alexi Casilla 2B
Jason Bartlett SS
Joe Mauer C
Michael Cuddyer RF
Justin Morneau 1B
Torii Hunter CF
Jason Kubel DH (I'd so rather have redmond. Yep. I SAID IT.)
Rondell White LF (wow finally on the field eh? Good luck. WE NEED IT)
Nick Punto 3B.
Starting pitcher: Scott Baker.

oh yeah.
PS: I want to write something nice tonight

oh wow..

The resemblance is uncanny....

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You know what we need?

What we've been needing for the past like..well...this whole season?

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You can take this picture many ways
For example:
"Punto actually getting on base"
"Punto producing rbi's"

.... when I say mean things about punto I feel bad, but i think of them. SO I guess I half-ass mean it...I feel like I'm flushing a kitten down the toilet every time I say something non-positive about him.
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Well..we need rbis. Not just by him ( but we all know that would be nice right about now)
I love the kid, but there comes a time when you have to sit down and realize things.
Like how he needs to step it up a couple notches.
Like a couple hundred.
I always talk nice about him because he does have it.
He has the skill. But he lost it in his pile of Swedish fish and snickers bars.

I was looking at his stats from last year, then this year. *shudders*
It doesn't anger me. It just makes me sad. I mean think how he feels.
If I was him I'd be pulling out my flame thrower and going all batty.
(not really, I mean I don't have THAT bad of an anger problem.)

He doesn't take it out on the field. Which is good. Very very good.
I give him mad-ass props for staying level headed and not snap out when something bad happens.


Sorry, had to clear my throat.

All you gotta do is

Less of this.

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More of this:

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b/c you look crazy when you run. And it's super fun to watch.


sally says:
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Thursday, August 9, 2007

you know whats awesome!?


Dear twins,

Hi. I pitched my ass of today. Last time I checked my job is to save your guys' asses while you make awesome bunts,home runs, and line drives up the middle. I think I saw De Jesus taking a cat nap in center field. And the ump and the catcher having a tea party.

Not so happy,

Wednesday, August 8, 2007


twins 11, jesters 4

...this is all I have to say.
Top of the third.
Alexi Castillo singles on a ground ball to left.
Jason Bartlett singles on a line drive to left field.
Castilla to 2nd.
Nick Punto hits sacrifice bunt.
Throwing error by third basemen German.
Alexi Castillo scores. Jason Bartlett to 3rd base. Punto to 2nd. (b/c the ball got stuck LULZ, he would of gotten bartlett in if they didn't lose the damn BALL)
Joe Mauer out on a sacrifice fly to left.
Nick Punto scores.
One out.
Michael Cuddyer homers on a fly ball to left center field.
Torii hunter flies out to right fielder. two out.
Mike Redmond singles on a ground ball. Justin Morneau scores.
Jason Tyner singles on a ground ball to right field.
Mike redmond to third.
Alexi Castilla grounds into a force out. Tyner out at 2nd. Three out.

Bottom of the 3rd. 6-0.

This game reminds me of the twins last year.
And it's making me very. very. very. very. very. very happy.

AND AW LULZ Punto error "theres alot of moisture in the air, it looked like it slipped out of his hand"Atleast the guy didnt get a extra base run. Right? Right.*hugs bert*


This game tastes like awesome. And it's only the bottom of the 3rd. Oh jeez. KEEP IT UP BOYS. MAYBE YOU'LL MAKE ME HAVE A ANEURYSM.

Punto finally got it going.I missed this so much.I'm smiling like a small child who just got a pet pony...
b/c every girl (and some guys) asked for a pet pony. And well you never get it...HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK I CAN GET A PONY HUH? YOU THINK I'M MADE OUT OF MONEY. ARE YOU INSANE? AND if I DID GET YOU A PONY WHERE WOULD WE PUT IT IN OUR 2 BEDROOM APARTMENT. HUH!..heres some icecream shut up.
(sorry I was having flashbacks)
that is how i felt.we would never get our LNP back.
But..I got my pony. My LNP. My ponyunto.

Amazing game.
Thank you.
Everyone got a hit in...and that's how it should be <3

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You deserve cookie monster cupcakes.

ORLY Joe Mauer?

Mr.homegrownstud has new commericals for Pepsi.
I keep on seeing the girlfriend one..but there are 3 more.
I enjoy the "food" one. <3
4 versions.

Wear a bib girlies (haha lollercoaster)

ichiro..the killah.

It was a quiet summer day in the serene lake house/farm land Justin and Joe called home on their time off.They were gearing up for the series with Seattle.....
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Joe:*getting his fishing tackle together along with his pole and bait* Hey hu...justin. Remember the days when we came up here all the time...just sat on our boat and watched the loons swim about.
Justin: *blank face* yes. There isn't any time for fishing Joe, we have work to do.
Joe:I know I know but I wanted to get a present for ichi...
Justin:SHHHHHHH...we can't talk about this here, nor speak his name.. lets go....

All of their team-mates thought they had a nice farm house with cows, chickens and such. Just a place to get away from the hussle and bussle from the city.

Little did they know they have a secret farmhouse where they make cyborg asian baseball players. The little hero we all know as ichiro suzuki came from the "quaint and pleasant" farm house.

Justin and Joe went off into the stables feeding them.Oh you ask who takes care of them while they are away? Well of course the one and only Doug Mientkiewicz. He has had some free time since he's been on the DL..and literally he has to be on the "DL" with the situation the M&M boys put him in.

After feeding the cyborg asian baseball players. Justin decides joe can go out and fish before they leave.

But all a sudden they get a call from dougy..screaming and crying.

Doug: JUSTIN..ichiro has gone haywire!!
Justin:WHAT...what do you mean!

Justin rushes to the tv and turns on espn.

announcer: It's chaos here in Seattle where the very well known and loved by all asian sensation baseball player ichiro suzuki has turned into a..Tasmanian devil of sorts. We don't know whats going on. I'm just. I'm in SHOCK!!!
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Joe walks in and Justin grabs him and they rush onward to seattle.

They reach their destination, searching everywhere for ichiro. They went to the field where he has dug his own make shift sunken den in the middle of center field.
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Justin:ichiro..whats wrong.
Ichiro: missa so hungry. I go crazy. I ate baseball.
Joe: I KNEW IT! JUSTIN..oh thank GOD I went fishing! *he holds out a delicious fish as ichiros eyes light up*
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Justin:oh by the way. were going to kick your ass.

Justin and Joe walk off the field...and lived happily ever...well..yeah the end.


Buscher out (LULZ...sorry..*shuts up*)

Brian Buscher is expected to miss the next few days because of an infection in his right leg.
Buscher fouled a ball off his leg while facing Paul Byrd in Cleveland, and the condition worsened. Buscher has played in eight games since making his debut two weeks ago.
"It's infected now," Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said, "and it sounds to me like they may end up having to drain it or something. I don't have a timetable on how many days this is going to be.
"He's not available."


Anyways..maybe this means more play-fun-time for the player everyone hates to love? Mr.Punto? Eh?


Dear Tigers and Indians,

HAI. It's Karlee.Plz start sucking again. Wouldn't it just be a hoot if we were all tied for first? COME ON. It would be fun. YOU even know it.


Dear bitch sox,
Kick their asses. Thanks *hug*

PS: you still suck and I don't like you.

Dear Dougy Mientkiewicz,
It's been a while.
So uh. Uh..*sobs* I still miss you.

heart brokenly yours,

Dear Carlos Silva,
NO! *slaps*


Dear Torii Hunter,
Don't make me wanna smack a betch.
"I don't think we're struggling; I think we're just running into good pitching,"
let me correct you.



SO one minute you say "we need to wake up our bats"
Then.."well..they pitched good."
Then..."we pitched good but, we couldn't get any runs"

Pull your heads out of your jock straps and wake up and smell the ammonia infused water. OKAY. OKAY. GOOD.

ps: I still love you.

Dear Dick,
I don't care where gaylord, MN is. And I think Bert is thisclose to beating you over the head with his circle machine. But let me tell you. You are being quite the silly pants lately. Stop stealing Berts fire. Thanx.


Monday, August 6, 2007

If you wish hard enough...

It will come true.

"Nick Punto replaces Jason Bartlett at shortstop for the series finale. Bartlett is batting .067 (1-for-15) against Cleveland starter Paul Byrd, and Punto is batting .238 (5-for-21)."
.238 isn't all that special. But it's damn better than .067......

line up:
Jason(yeah, ya know the one that got the home run) Tyner LF
Alexi(I'm not castillo) Casilla 2B (I stole that nick name from cuddy)
Joe(aww, aren't I cayutteeezz)Mauer C
Michael(I dare u to try to get to 2nd if u hit the ball 2 me) Cuddyer RF
Justin(Mr.Canada)Morneau 1B
Torii Hunter(cannibal) CF
Jason (rubix)Kube(s)l DH
Brian (busch light/turtle)Buscher 3B
(little)Nick(y) Punto SS.
Starting pitcher: RH Hiii Hoooo Silva.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

wait...whats that? *sniff*

the guys who just should of sat on the bench and watch scotty-my-butt-is-very-prominent-baker be all cute and throw awesome=0

Oh. *sniff* wait..pine tar?
Yes but..there's something else there.

OH. OH. Victory. *eats air* delish.

Scotty Boomalotti oonst oonst (sit down, bitch jr) Baker.
8 shut out innings. Delish.
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Don't let those pouty eyes fool you. He steals your soul with each strike.
And then Nathan came out, and did what he does best. Win games.


A week and a half ago we were 9 1/2 games behind.
Now we are 4 1/2.
Think if we win tomorrow.
Depends might be in use.

Torii Hunter a couple of days ago:
Saying naughty things about the team and his position b/c he was crabby pants.

"We're playing pretty good ball at the right time,"(ORLY TORII)
Twins center fielder Torii Hunter said. "[Detroit has] been losing and I think Cleveland's been struggling a little bit but at the same time we've been playing well ... We need to smell it(dem rbis, betch.), smell that blood and it'll keep us hungry."
I wouldn't peg you for a cannibal. Or even a vampire.
I think Morneau is the vampire, considering he has those "canadian teeth" (if you don't know what I'm talking about. Well that's just sad)

Tomorrows game # 7:10pm:
tweet tweet (byrd) and HI HO SILVA AWAY

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thanks. :

oonst oonst.boom shaka laka.

Todays game.
(but if i wrote'd laugh and be like lollercoaster,karlee you know the twins wouldnt play THAT late. SILLY BEAR.)
I'm supposed to go.
And it's 6:30 in the morning.
I haven't slept.
I need to wake up in about 5 hours.
Shower. Get cute. and find my Doug Mientkiewicz (suprised I can still spell his bat-shiz crazy last name)twins shirt because I'm a dirty dirty dirty dirty fan girl who still is depressed about the trade. (I<3you morneau. But my heart is still broken in 1,000,001 pieces)

match up:

Carmello against Muffin Man.

Are you a candy freak? Or would you rather have a delish' lemon poppyseed muffin? (not the kind with the nasty ass gross lemon jello crap in the middle like perkins has)

I'd take the muffin ANY DAY.
But if he sucks he'll so be a bran muffin.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.



Now we are down another player.

I will miss your "omgz where is le ball?" little antics.
You are fun to watch.
They should of sent tyner down than you. Fo realz.
Now when I go to the game..I can't say lewwwwwwwww.
I promise.
When Busch Light or I'm not Castillo is up to bat I'll scream Lew at the top of my lungs. I never gave you any love. Because you play computer games. But it's okay. I play resident evil on my game cube. So we are SO in the same boat.

Carmen Cali eh.
I was wondering "where in the world is Carmen calisandiego" was.

Welcome back.
But Pfffftttt terryryanforbeingameanypants.

If you send Punto off, or away..or down to aaa..i don't know if you can but. if you DO


And then if you don't sign Hunter.
We will be outside of the dome.
with citronella (i cant spell) oil.
Pitch forks.
And random pieces of wood.

My heart hurts.


Luis Castillo.
Jeff Cirillo.
Lew Ford.

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Saturday, August 4, 2007

Chicks dig the short ball

NO really. We do.
And we also love them r.b.i.s. Tres sexy.

Oh Cuddy..How I missed thee.

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Friday, August 3, 2007


Since karlee was too scared to go to the game tonight.
(she doesnt like bridges right quick)
And well..I couldn't find anyone to come. I MEAN HELL. FREE TICKETS.


She started to drink.
She looked at the bottle.
And let out a long sigh..and hugged it.

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theeee horrrrrooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Yes I'm Marlon Brando. Or..however you spell his name.
He's fat.

The catillo bottle keeps on looking at me sad.

I also have "red dog" beer (redmond?)
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Yeah. They live through me, even through my alcohol.

I just realized. the mentolmint schnapps.
Just...look at the name.
I don't mean to do this!
I'm scared.
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I would so lollercoaster right now.
But I'm too freaked out to do that.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007


I just want to say I'm going to be praying for all the people who were in that horrible 35w bridge collapse.

The Twins won't be playing tomorrow afternoon and also the groundbreaking for the new stadium has been postponed.

Also they might not be doing the Indians series.

Some people might be confused as to why they are doing that.
One word.
Having 20,000 + less people on the road, the better.

ps: We lost tonight b/c Juan-I-was-better-with-sterioids-why-am-I-still-on-the-team-Rincon gave up a two run home run. Gardy you would of been smart to keep in Death Metal aka Neshek.

Oh well.

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