Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Its Aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!

Hello world, I know its been a while since I've been on this here Twins blog but Karlee didn't have a computer. But now she does. So here's a list of things I should've talked about while I was away.

- First and foremost, Nick Punto won the World Series. Yes, him and only him.

- I still find Kevin Slowey awkwardly attractive. awkwardly attractive.

- I found out I really like Brett Gardner, feel for me.

- Jamey Carroll looks weird, but I'm kind of okay with signing him. Even though he tossed that ring into the lava at Mordor...or whatever.

- AJ Pierzynski is a very awesome person. I want to rally drink with him so hard.

- CJ Wilson is the complete opposite of a hipster, fact. Do hipsters like racing? Fuck no. Are hipsters straight edge? HELL NO, we like drinking box wine, and bitching about how we liked Ryan Gosling when he was in Young Hercules WAY BEFORE ANYONE ELSE. What can I say bowl cuts turn me on.

- Brian Wilson tries too hard, but he makes trying too hard look very very good.

- Terry Ryan is back, remember him? He wasn't all that great but hey I'll choose him over Bill Smith. He got rid of Nick Punto, he'll forever be on my shit list. I yelled out "WHY!" to Bill Smith when I saw him in person and oh boy golly he sure knew what the fuck I meant by that.

- The Twins aren't good at baseball. But Glen Perkins is, he's fucking fabulous at it.

- The Miami Marlins new logo makes me feel confused. Should I like all the pretty colors? Should I hate the fact it looks like something I would've made in MS Paint in 8th grade? Should I too take my talents to South Beach? Should I punch Logan Morrison in the cash and prizes? Do I automatically love this team based on the fact Ozzie Guillen is the skippah?

- Oh, yeah....did I mention Nick Punto has a World Series Ring? Soak that in for a moment.

- Cuddyer should stick to his day job.

- Ben Revere should do stand-up and open up for Kevin Heart. So much shortness. So much cuteness. So much sass.

- I want to go all Black Ops on an XXXXXXXXL Chalupa. Fact.


- I miss baseball.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Hipster Kevin Slowey

Lately I've been looking at Memes, if you have no clue what those are google it and embrace the funny. After all of this mumbo jumbo about Kevin Slowey and the drama thats taken place and how terrible they're (front office, not Kevin) handling all of this, I decided to make memes of him.

NOTE: I adore this kid to pieces. These Memes are all in good fun. I hope you'll appreciate the sass. I wish one day something will make a meme of me. I'd be honored.

I now give you, Hipster Slowey.
(Big thanks to twikipedium for the pic!)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Twins Have Died From Dysentery

My buddy Ben from That's Twins Baseball has a hashtag on Twitter thats a hoot, and that hashtag is: #TargetFieldTrail. It pretty much seems like our axels on our metaphorical wagon are falling off, and with everyone getting sick it's like "Martha got bit by a snake" or "Bill has Dysentery" in the Twins clubhouse as of late. Be sure to check out that hashtag for hilariousness, in other news...I decided to use my best skills in MS Paint. Enjoy.

Make sure to follow Ben @Bennyc50 and me @KarleeKanz for more Twins hilariousness.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Why Didn't Chewbacca Get a Medal?

That thought popped up into my head after seeing the Twins beat the Yankees at Yankee Stadium tonight, five to four.

Why do you ask? Because we finally beat the Evil Empire. We are Chewbacca in this situation. They didn't get a medal because they had to do what needed to be done. Just like Chewy did, he doesn't need a medal to show people what he's done. He just did what he thought he should have done. Am I confusing you yet?

Or maybe Chewbacca didn't get a medal because the rebel alliance is run by a bunch of rabid anti-Wookite bigots. I could possibly be referring to umpires but it would make no sense, right?

Medal= Joe Mauer's fair ball during the play-offs.
Rebel Alliance= Umpires
Chewbacca= Minnesota Twins
Karlee= Opening up old wounds

You're welcome.

Monday, January 17, 2011

May the Power of Bill Smith Compel You

I just had a visual of Ron Gardenhire dressed up like a priest, holding down Carl Pavano screaming "May the power of Bill Smith compel you!" over and over until the "wanting to go to other teams" demons leave his body. Being exercised makes him realize his best choice is to sign with the Twins. Its already worked once with Jim Thome, but it'll be harder to shake out the demons inside of Pavano since he's played for the Yankees. As we all know they are indeed Satan's little helpers. This is why they win all the time. This doesn't mean being evil has its perks (it does) and you should never sell your soul to the devil, only if you REALLY need something (but really, never do that).

As each day passes we get closer to Spring Training. Are you excited? I'm pretty stoked if I do say so myself. We had some good signings, some awkward trades and there are also some things to be done(like not trading Slowey so I won't flip my metaphorical shit) But the main thing is that we got good ol' Jimmy Jam back so he can mash his taters for the Minnesota Twins. I'd go and tell you the utter heartbreak that is Nick Punto being a free agent but we won't go there until its 100% sure that he isn't a Twin. I'm brain washing myself into thinking we'll sign him again.

I'll be blogging more from now on since its getting that much closer. For now, Karlee out!

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Macy's owns my soul. I sling lotions and makeup to make you feel pretty, and smell of gingery goodness. And no, I don't have any samples.