Wednesday, April 14, 2010

LOLTwin, week one.

I have decided I will be making LOLTwins once a week. Or try to at least for your viewing pleasure.

Here is this weeks:

Kar out.

Home Opener, Broken Belts, And a Blushing 20-something.

Hi everyone! I am alive, I haven't updated since the Twins have been in town. And no I wasn't out stalking them. (Shocked? Me too, actually) I was working the streets. Wait, let me explain. I worked on a corner. Oh...let's just start over. I am a Target Brand Ambassador. I am one of those crazy kids passing out free stuff, like hats, sunglasses, spray-on sun screen, snacks, ponchos and sometimes hugs.

I sadly couldn't make it to the game but I was lurking about the whole time, going to bars and such and frolicking about the plaza. But like it was meant to be, I saw Punto slide into second breaking his belt then rip the belt off of his body on a big screen TV. It takes a lot to make me speechless but by golly that made me shut up and turn many different shades of red.
From what I saw we looked strong, and the Red Sox looked like a bunch of those birds that stick their head in the sand? Their name is escaping me at the moment, but you all are more than likely smarter than I so you know what bird I am talking about.

Hi, I'm Karlee. I like baseball, and I am disgustingly excited for this year. I think we have what it takes and then some. Rauch is a monster, who is a dominating force to be reckoned with. Our #8 hitter is blasting bombs out of the stadium and Nick Punto is producing rbi's. And we have a "Tori Hunter, the media side" kinda guy on our team to give us our 'bad-boy-think-before-I-speak' edge.
Who is that you ask? Silly Orlando Hudson and his accusations that the likes of Jermaine Dye and Gary Sheffield aren't currently playing for any MLB team because they are black. Well guess what Orlando? I can't play baseball because I'm a female. How do you think I feel? (sarcasm alert) Ever consider they are old and there are a bunch of new young up and coming stars? How do you think Dougie Baseball and Joe Crede feel? (non-sarcasm alert, well...maybe a bit for Dougie)

I can go on a tangent about how MLB is sexist and won't let short, white, chubby, and clumsy white girls play baseball. But I won't because it doesn't matter. And I'm a realist, I am not crazy. And I don't want to sound loony, kind of like O-Hud does. But I love the crazy, I embrace it.

*This is my 200th post so I will now post my favorite Nick Punto picture I took.

Oh yes.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Live From The Capital of Snuggie Cults!

Hi all this will be my first live blog of this year. Oh, aren't you thrilled?

Pre Game: Last night as we all know, we won. And also something else happened. The fans of the Angels showed us that the legalization of medical marijuana is still in full effect. Everyone in that stadium has cataracts.

Uh, this new Meteorologist on FSN makes me want to club seals. No not really, that is mean. I guess I should of said something along the lines of "makes me want to club him" ahhh thats better. Peta, hold down your pokey sticks.

Top of the first:

- ground ball outs make me sad. at least fly balls take longer. Sigh.
- Wow, ground ball outs 1-2-3. Let's hope the whole game isn't like this. Innings like that make my creativity go away.

Bottom of the first:

- Bert, you silly man. California math, just say you can't count.
- Yep. You guessed it. 1-2-3 ground outs.

Top of the second
-Gotta love it when you reach to first on a strike out. I bet Nick Punto wishes for those every day.
- Oh, Thome. Last time I checked you are supposed to hit home runs. Okay, I'll settle down. Next time.
- DELMON. Your lean cusine is ready DELMON.
- Oh, well I guess you weren't hungry enough to come 'home' and eat.

--sorry to cut this short but I need to start getting ready to go to bed :( getting my wisdom teeth taken out. Boo. GO TWINS!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

So far so good

....well for the most part.

Last nights game left me with a good feeling, but there was already some sort of worry. We all know I am a worry wart though.


The Bullpen was fantastic, sans Mijares. But he was too busy having blurry vision and being scared that Young might punch him. I was very shocked with Jesse Crain, though. For some reason I have it embedded in my brain that he will do something that will more than likely piss me off. Not saying that he will be perfect the whole season but if last night was any inclination of how he is going to be, well that makes me one happy baseball fan.

The Delmon Young project is finally working. He is fast, his lack of leg kick has surely helped his batting swing and it seems like he finally has that aura of "I'm comfortable" that it seemed like he hasn't had since coming to the Twins


Joe Mauer kind of....yeah. Let's just say he made it clear that he isn't perfect. But I shall let this one pass, this time. Also Denard Span wasn't the best last night but hey, some of the other guys some-what picked up the slack.

Excuse me where did the clutch two out hits go? Usually we are pretty good when we have men on base in scoring position. I think that is the most irritating thing in baseball for me. It's the whole fact that you can score and you are so close and you have chances and you blow them.
I am more okay with the pitcher K'ing the guys left and right. For me that just shows that the pitcher is good enough to shut down the opposing team. Now when you actually get on base and can't make things work, now that is when Karlee gets a little bit mad.

Ahhhhh, baseball how I missed thee. 161 (or maybe 162) games to go! Go Twins!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Opening Day!

Yay, baseball is finally upon us! Celebration is in order. So, I will be writing my random thoughts whilst watching the Yanks and BoSox game tonight. I'll try my hardest (lies) to play nice.

- Jorge Posada looks like a malnourished Gus from Cinderella.

- An open letter to Josh Beckett: Oh hai there just letting you know this isn't spring training. Stop pitching like it is. <3, Karlee.

- Youkillis, you straight up freak me out. From the demonic facial hair to your super awkward batting stance.

- Theo Epstein, you are a sexy man. I naturally like you because I shouldn't because I am a Twins fan. (FACT) I like men I shouldn't. Like Nick Punto.

- Ever wonder where Luis Rodríguez went? CC Sabathia ate him. When nature came-a callin', his 'remains' ended up in Cleveland.

- Lance Bass is Derek Jeters doppelganger, and no that doesn't mean I find him attractive.
(Lance was totally my favorite, he was the shy one <3)

- Seeing CC's (his bra size too, which is weird and kismet-y) leg move up that high makes me not believe in the theory of gravity. I know 'what goes up, must come down' that that thing shouldn't be able to 'go up' in the first place.

- If Paul Revere didn't say "The British Are Coming!" and Papelbon said it instead the quote would of been "Ay...ay yo. All you mother *explicit* those damn brits are coming. They are suuuper pissed about that tea...even two years later! I MEAN COME ON. GET OVER IT."

- I wish I could make fun of the New Era commercial with Evan Longoria in it. But I can't. I simply can't. I love that man.

- Oh, this is weird I haven't brought up how much I loathe Nick Swisher. Hmmm. Interesting.

- News Flash: The Umps are on the Yankees side, yet again. Am I shocked? Hecks to the naw.

- Dude, Dr.Dre and LeBron James? Shut the front door. Compton is going to be very pissed off, Dr.Dre. Eazy-e more than likely thinks its unacceptable that you are a Red Sox fan and will pop a cap in your ass.

- During the off-season I use CC's pants as my yacht cover.

- Nick Swisher, your sideburns are ugly. Stop it. Just stop it.

- Scott Schoeneweis I like your name. Schoeneneneneneneneneweis.

- Double steal? You sneaky bastards, you Yankees. Okay ya know when I always say all they have is power? I lied. I totally lied. Remember that time when Nick Punto over ra---oh...wait I forgot I swore I would never bring that up (ScottyUlllgerrrwhyyyyy!)

- Cheeseburger Cheeseburger beat out Pedroiahhhh tha bahhhstan destroyahh to the bag. Pedroia is full of anger salad. Cheeseburger Cheeseburger is full of ham that Mark Teixeira just fed him for a job well done.

-Joe Girardi should of gone the "Miley Cyrus" way and got himself some invisaligns. You straight up look like a creeper.

-Joe Morgan thinks it's faster to slide into first than running through it. Nick Punto, Joe Morgan...Joe Morgan, Nick Punto. Now that the introductions are out of the way, this is when you two become best of friends forever.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

rain rain go away!

So tomorrow will be the first game the MN Twins will play in their band-spankin-new baseball stadium. And in Minnesota fashion we will welcome them with inclement weather. I know, it sucks that it's going to rain but just think back about a month ago when we thought they'd be playing in 40 degree weather. Scared that it might snow. I'd take a nice thunderstorm in the 60s-70s any day. Well...except for tomorrow. I'd totally like it if it wouldn't rain.

Here is my only reason I am pro rain. Waterlogged baseball players.
Yes. Oh yes.

But here is the one huge issue, when on home soil Nick Punto cannot get wet nor be fed Swedish Fish past the fourth inning. And with the weather maps I have been looking at, the rain will come down hard possibly around then. And you know what Nicky Punto does when he is bored? He snacks on gummied goods. And what does he turn into exactly if he gets rained on or snacks after the 4th inning? Nobody knows, but I have a good idea of what he'd look like:

The great long eared Jerboa. It's fast, it burrows (head first, naturally) and jumps crazy heights for being so tiny. Sounds familiar? Exactly.

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Macy's owns my soul. I sling lotions and makeup to make you feel pretty, and smell of gingery goodness. And no, I don't have any samples.