Thursday, September 23, 2010

Don't Call Them Twinkies

Ladies and Gentlemen may I present you with possibly the best baseball song,ever. Made by a Minnesotan at least.
Its by The Baseball Project and Craig Finn (of The Hold Steady)
Enjoy, may it ravish your ear drums.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Cat Names

If you love the MN Twins and cats, this is the post for you.
I got bored. (insomnia= creativity time) so I thought of names for cats that sound like the players names.

Joe Meower.
Justin Meowneau.
Jason Mewbel.
Kevin Hissey (cause he is all the sassy)
J.J. Rawrdy.
Drew Mewtera.
Glen Prrrrrkins
Danny Meowlencia.
Jason Meowko.
Jeff Meowship.
Nick Mewto.
Ron Gardenmeower.
Cat Meowshek.
Taters. (Jim Thome)
Scratchy Baker. (mad cat)
Meowchael Cuddyer.
Ben Mreowvere.

.......okay I really need to go to bed.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Mister Incredible

Here is another one of my 2 minute craptastic paint creations.

After watching The Incredibles on DVD for the 4th time today (thanks to a 3 year old) I realized Jim Thome looks just like the dad. Or maybe I'm losing it? But either way, we all can agree on one thing. Jim Thome is Incredible.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Jim Thome Facts

You've guys been waiting, and here is a hot fresh batch of Jim Thome Facts for your consumption. I edited some Chuck Norris facts into Jim Thome facts. The other half are made by yours truly. Enjoy!


- Jim Thome doesn't do push up's. He pushes the world down.

- Jim Thome's first word was 'taters'

- Before Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks in his closet and under his bed for Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome's hotness is the cause of global warming.

- Al Gore hates Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome can play Wii bowling without moving. He just stares down the pins until they all fall down.

- When Jim Thome plays Oregon Trail his family doesn't die from dysentry, but rather 380 foot moon shots to the face.

- If Jim Thome was in the movie 300 they would of had to change the name to 1.

- Jim Thome is the square root of a negative number.

- The force is strong in Luke Skywalker. But Jim Thome is strong with the force.

- In the show 'LOST' Jim Thome IS the island.

- When quoting Jim Thome you must type in all caps.

- When Jim Thome walks in the woods, you'd think the wind is making the trees move. Nay, it is the trees trembling at the thought they could possibly be his next bat.

- Jim Thome ate Gilbert Grape

- Jim Thome's singing voice is a mixture between Fergie and Jesus.

- The only reason the devil went down to Georgia is because Jim Thome would never go to Georgia, so therefore it is the only safe zone for him to go.

- When Jim Thome is thirsty he quenches his thirst with a mixture of Ozzie Guillen's tears and pine tar.

- Jim Thome is the reason why the Dead Sea is dead.

- Jim Thome can solve a rubix cube just by staring at it.

- Jim Thome can touch MC Hammer

- Jim Thome never wet his bed. His bed wet itself in fear.

- There is no escape button on Jim Thome's keyboard because Jim Thome escapes from NOTHING.

- Pluto was dubbed not a planet after scientists realized it was only a baseball hit by Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome's home run balls are all collected in one place. The Kuiper belt.

- If you are wise, you would never attempt to 'poke' Jim Thome on facebook.

- Jim Thome is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right arms.

- Jim Thome knows where in the world Carmen Sandiego is.

- Some baseball players chew gum, Jim Thome chews tungsten carbide.

- Jim Thome knows what Willis is talking about.

- Jim Thome can slam a revolving door.

- Death once had a near Jim Thome Experience.

- Jim Thome is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

- Jim Thome doesn't have a Twitter because he's already following you.

- Jim Thome doesn't have a facebook because he doesn't have friends. He just knows people who are worthy enough to not have a line drive home run hit in their general direction.

- When Jim Thome takes a bath he doesn't get clean the water gets dirty.

- Jim Thome has the power to order a McRib at McDonalds anytime of the year and get one.

- Who needs Jimmy Johns? Jim Thome is freaky faster and freaky gooder.

- Jim Thome doesn't run the bases slowly, your brain just can't process how fast he's actually going.

- If Jim Thome points his bat at you, that is more than likely the last thing you'll see.

- Jim Thome doesn't eat. He just mashes taters until hes had his fill.

- In 'Enter The Dragon' it was actually Jim Thome who killed Chuck Norris.

- The last digit in pi is Jim Thome. He ends all things. With his bat.

- Champions are the breakfast of Jim Thome.

- The only reason Jim Thome wears batting gloves is so his hotness doesn't set the bat on fire.

- Brett Favre can throw a football over 60 yards. Jim Thome can throw Brett Favre even further.

- When Jim Thome falls into water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Jim Thome'd.

- Jim Thome cuts down trees with his bat.

- Jim Thome once played first base, then realized in real life and baseball, he goes all the way. This is how he turned into a DH.

- When Jim Thome played little league he bunted a 500 foot home run.

- Jim Thome went from crawling to mashing taters. Walking is overrated.

- There is one thing faster than the speed of light, Jim Thome's swing.

- Jim Thome has played up to level 81 in World of Warcraft.

- Toyata Priuses never had a gas pedal problem. They were just all trying to speed away from Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome doesn't compete. He wins.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Previously On LOST

WARNING: If you do not watch LOST you won't find this remotely hilarious. Well, maybe.

As you all noticed we added new pitcher to our Team.
No. Not Duensing.
No. Not Capps.
No. Not Flores.
No. Not Burnett.
No. Not Delaney.
No, not even Fuentes.

I am speaking of the one and only, Matt Fox.
If you didn't know who I was talking about by the title of my blog post you;

A: Don't watch TV
B: You live under a rock
C: You hate amazing TV
D: All of the above

Quick run down.
Matthew Fox plays Jack Shephard on LOST. LOST is a TV show that has had its final season this year. It is amazing. The ending pissed me off. But that is a whole other blog post, this is about baseball (kind of) and thats it.

Matt Fox has the same name as Matthew Fox (I really didn't need to point that out.)

So it made me think, Matt Fox is obviously Jack Shephard on LOST if I had to pick who he'd be. But the million dollar question is, who would the rest be?

Joe Mauer: Vincent. Very approachable, friendly, hairy, loves his owner (his mother) and trustworthy.

Joe Nathan: Charlie, when he was weening himself off of Heroine. Twitchy McGee.

Kevin Slowey: For some reason, Ben Linus. Book smart, sarcastic, would do anything to help, even if its killing (striking out) people (players). Also, I bet he can rock those Harry Potter adult glasses like a BOSS.

Scott Baker: Sun. Kind of timid and quiet, also listens very well but if need be she will break out and do something that surprises you. Or he'd be the hot mess that was on Jack's face when he proclaimed "We need to go back!!!" because have you seen that kids facial hair? I think its brilliant but you guys sing a different song.

Delmon Young: Walt. Because lately I've been known to yell out his name. All those silly plays in the outfield. "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalt!/Delmooooooooooon!"

Trevor Plouffe: Boone. Super attractive but isn't around long. Highly unfortunate.

Nick Punto and Ron Gardenhire: Rose and Bernard. Do I even have to tell you why? Google it you non LOST watchers, then laugh in joyous rapture.

Scotty Ullger: John Locke. You feel bad for him, he is always failing, but always tries to do better and do the right thing.........but fails.

Francisco Liriano: Ana Lucia. Because he is a bad-ass. And she is quite the bad-ass herself.

Denard Span: Mr.Eko. I'm sorry but his time on the island was almost as productive as you this year. He just pressed a button, and got killed by the smoke monster. Kind of sad.

Brendan Harris: He is Male #2 in episode 13 in season 6. Ya know, the one who gets killed by the smoke monster? Moving on.

TC: I'd simply say he was one of the Polar Bears but they get killed off right away and that is unfortunate (I know, Polar Bears on the island? Watch the show). So I'd say Hurley because he is big, snuggly, hairy and naturally the cheerleader/mascot of the island.

Drew Butera: Daniel Faraday. He is adorable and smart. Did I mention adorable? Oh, and he was a huge help in the end. It just fits. But lets hope he doesn't get killed by his mother when he goes back in time. He is the new age Marty McFly.

Danny Valencia: Its a tie, he is either the foot statue. For the longest time you didn't know a thing about him/the foot. You didn't know its potential. And then you find out there is hidden powers that dwell inside said foot. Or he's Richard Alpert. One word: EYELASHES.

Jason Repko: Sawyer. He seems like he could wrestle a hog, yet in the same day open a door for a girl and treat her to a nice dinner. Then go get into a bar fight. Babe alert.

John Rauch; The Smoke Monster. He scares me. Tikka tikka tikka! Yes, Rauch is a huge billowing and rolling mass of black smoke who kill people.

Jesse Crain: Desmond Hume. Only because I think Desmond would also wear the same necklaces that Crain wears. Also, whenever I see Crain strike someone out I could hear him whisper "See you in another life, brotha"

Note: I am sorry for the other players I did not mention. I either forgot you or simply couldn't think of who you would be. YOU, my readers should add on to this, tell me who you really think Sawyer should be or just tell me how brilliant I am.

About Me

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Macy's owns my soul. I sling lotions and makeup to make you feel pretty, and smell of gingery goodness. And no, I don't have any samples.