Tuesday, October 6, 2009

being a night owl has it's perks

After the win on Sunday I ripped my cell phone from my pocket and frantically started calling the twins box office. To no avail the busy signal screamed in my ear, for a good 4 hours. And online was just as bad. A virtual waiting room? Really? It was way worse than a waiting room at a hospital. At least there you know you will be seen. Dialing over and over and waiting online brought me back to the *NSYNC days trying to get tickets. So stressful, I suggest never put yourself in that position.
Around 9:30 at night the site finally said 'no tickets available' and I felt my heart sink. Lil ol' me not going to the most important game of the year? Poppycock I say! I sadly go to bed and as I wake I check online and it says the same thing. I watch that Monday night football with that Favre guy and all I could think about in the back of my head was "Must. Get. Tickets."
I finally grasped onto the fact there is a 1 in a 50,000 plus chance I'll get tickets still. Before I lay my head I check online one more time.....

HOLY CRAP, the ticket selection screen pops up?! It was like seeing color TV for the first time. I pound at my keyboard seeing whats available. Section 141 row 5? I start squealing. I order the tickets. I call my friend, and we celebrate. That night felt like Christmas eve.

Needless to say I am kind of excited for tonight, no matter the outcome this will be a moment I will never forget.

Friday, October 2, 2009

You seriously can't count them out.

I swear the Twins have given me more of my fair share of stress ulcers and heart burn. Especially after tonight's game. Lets re cap:

Twins dominate. They take a hold of the Royals and shake them like a salt shaker and/or a Polaroid picture. Manship was the ship(for obvious reasons), and the twins were on the boat. Sailing as free as they can be. Then Manship kind of lost his sails.
Then Jesse Crain proceeded to set fire to the ship, running around drunk and taking an axe at anything vital to keep said ship a float. It worried me greatly as you can tell. And then Jose Mijares obviously forgot that hitting a batter is a bad thing to do. Delmon Young didn't seem to mind this time though. Someone needs to check out Mijares.....I think he might have short term memory loss.
Keppel calmed the fire and Joe Nathan obviously did his "I'm so nervous, OH I walked someone, hehe tying run is at the plate... BAM SIT DOWN BITCH" routine.

Going from 10-0 to 10-1 to 10-7 isn't cute.

I would like to go and say that I was flipping back and forth from the Twins game to the Detroit and Chicago game. I caught myself cheering for the White Sox a couple of times. I want to let you know it doesn't feel good. I felt like I was caught cheating. But it was kinda worth it, seeing Detroit get their asses handed to them.

Tomorrow I'll be going to the game. I expect that I will have my hands by my face a lot. So I'll bring my bottle of purel since there has to be at least 100+ people there with h1n1. Sorry if I just scared the shit out of you but I am just thinking logically. I'm spock.

Random Karlee Twins thought: I love the look and body language of Nick Punto after he bats. He looks like a surprised kitten who just got spooked. Or when Sonic the Hedgehog goes on the ledge of things and he has that "OOOH!" look on his face and hes on his tippy toes? You know exactly what I am talking about.

If you want to meet up with me at the game I'll be the girl in the twins shirt sobbing. I won't be hard to miss, I'll probably be flailing my arms about. Make sure you say hi.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Before you say anything....I know I've been a bad blogger this year. Stop yelling. It hurts my ears.

I have decided I might make a blog with all sports involved. I must admit this but baseball isn't the only sport out there thats worth ranting/bitching/praising. The site will be up shortly :)

Now onto this here beisbol.

This year has been very emotionally draining. From the heart breaking loses to the epic wins. And it's weird to say after all of our bullpen malfunctions we are only 1 game behind first place with only a handful of games left. This is why I love this game, it's almost every day for what it seems half the year then all a sudden the last week is the most stressful thing you've been through since prepping for a colonoscopy (thats how it felt every time I watched Jesse Crain pitch, actually)

Now here I will randomly write out some of my feelings about this year:

- At first, I wanted to strangle Cuddyer with his own lack of confidence at the plate. He was like that girl in school who was nice and charitable and super into team work. But she smelled bad and always somehow ruined your happy with doing things like throwing up on you while in choir practice (never lock your knees), budding in the lunch line and taking the last of the chicken fries, and of course cheating off of your work.
But then years go by after graduating (years are months in baseball) and she's super hot, smells of rich mahogany and is a complete man eater. So I guess what I am trying to say is Cuddyer got hot in the game sense, and noway in the physical. Or he got possessed by the ghost of Kent Hrbek or Count Clutchula turned him into one of his minions. Yes, I just said Count Clutchula. Karlee Kanz 2009. Copyright.

- I still don't know why I keep rooting for Nick Punto, did that sound mean? I didn't mean it to be. He loves the game so much you just want that short shit to succeed at anything he does. That scrappy, bunting, head first sliding sunnuva b. He magical, thats why. Unicorns the size of gnats run through his body and work him like a trojan horse.

- I don't know if you guys heard about this at all but Joe Mauer is like....super good. He's hitting like .845 or something. And the home runs he's hit this year if you split them in half it is what prior to this year was his career high. ( did I just make your head hurt with that horribly constructed sentence?)
His SLG is .602 and his freaking OPS is 1.047. Seriously, what kind of crazy voodoo rituals has he been doing? Has he been doing them with Vladdy G? Since he is obviously a witch doctor. He is either Iron Man, The Terminator, A Transformer, or a 25/25/25/25 of Nancy Drew, Mcguyver, the ghost from Ghost Writer and The Million Dollar Man.

- Justin Morneau, stop being a big ouchy Canadian. Get better a-sap. Same goes for you Kevin Slowey.

-I felt sick to my stomach when one day I uttered out these words to my friend "I wish Boof Bonser was back"

When it comes down to it I am shocked with the position we are in right now. We deserve it, our team is young and has been through a whole lot and I feel as if they have matured greatly since last year. One thing that worries me is if we do make the playoffs we would be playing the Yankees. But that my friend is a whole other blog post.

Stay classy, Minnesota.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Joe Mauer is awesome....totes.

There comes a day when you realize something so profound it just blows you out of the water. Today is that day.

Just kidding it isn't THAT serious, but none the less the post game Joe Mauer interview tugged on here Karlees heart strings a lil bit.

Here is the part where it got to me (I got all the quotes correct, even Mauers Minnesota-isims)

Robbie It's my cow ski: “Joe it was 8 years ago today you were drafted first overall by the Minnesota Twins. Was it a dream come true when you look back at that day and you look at your career whats it been like for you”

And then the one who add's in too many “uhms” “uhh's” and “ya know's” in his vocab (it's the Minnesotan...ya know) goes on to say:

Joe 'I'm the rocket man' Mauer: “Well it doesn't seem that long ago *insert charming smile here* but-uh yeah just an unbelievable day and-uhmm ya know this is where I wanted to be since I was a little kid and ya know that was just the beginning of it and-uh ya know I'm here now and I'm trying to stay here for a while”

And that is where I fell in love with that big goof all over again. People say he's going to be in it for the money once he hits free agency. But he knows his counterpart, compardre and uber Canadian boyfriend Justin Morneau would disown him and that amazing M&M man-love-o-thon would be no more. Also, his mommy would be pissed. We don't want momma Mauer to get ticked off, did you see how serious she was in the Joe Nathan/ Joe Mauer commercial? She means BUSINESS.

So Boston, New York, and yeah even YOU LA. Mauer doesn't want any business with you. He loves Minnesota, his mommy, and his boyfriend way too much to leave. Would you break up Bert and Ernie? Marco and Polo? Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart? Jon and Kate? Kit and Kat? Mike and Ike! NO. NO you wouldn't! Don't mess with perfection. M&M for life. Or, until Mauer actually turns into a crazed ego maniac and plays for the Yankees and crushes my life. But until now, all is good in Hollywood. Or Minnesota, you get it.


ps: Sorry I haven't been blogging, my brain has been on overdrive with other such things.

pps: by the way we won in the 10th inning when Joe Nathan sat down Ken-ha-you-didn't-little-big-league-us-tonight-Griffey and Ichiro-yes-my-last-name-is-Suzuki. He struck out Ichiro. STRUCK OUT. I think thats the like 1st time he did it this year...or I can be gravely exaggerating

Thursday, May 7, 2009


Manny Ramirez is a chick, I should of realized that when he had those long dreaded locks. I mean a female fertility drug? Really? What kinda voodoo shit are you up to? I am slowly disliking baseball, because most of the people that are VERY good are juicing up or attempting to get pregnant, like Manny obviously was trying to do.

Baseball is supposed to be a little boys dream to play, to look up to the greats and say "I want to be like them" and now a days, who wants to be like A-Rod or Manny? Hell, I looked up to Mark McGwire now I feel like my childhood was all a lie (that is a HUGE over exaggeration, mind you) I am going to blame him for my social anxiety that I had in middle school.

I think if these idiots decide to use drugs to make them better, they should never be able to play baseball. It isn't fair, what so ever. Personally if I found out if Justin Morneau were juicing I'd jump off my roof, and end up having one messed up twisted ankle. It's the thought that counts.

I guess there will be cheaters no matter what, in whatever you do in your life. So if you are a child, and your standing in line at the water park and you see a kid budging in line, don't be afraid to pull a Nancy Kerrigan on them.

So here is the moral of the story: I think douchebag idiots should never play baseball. They should make them do a 100 true or false test, to see how much of a douchebag they are. If they are in the 30-40 range they are good, if u are under 30 you might as well settle for a softball beer league,and if u are over 40 your Manny Ramirez, and should be out for more than 50 games.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Robbie its-my-cow-ski is interviewing him and he's like "what do you do during a rain delay" and Denard goes "look at you and watch the rain" and Robbie obviously blushes, duh and says "boy that is just a joyous way to spend it I'm sure" and Denard is like "yeah man you are so beautiful"

And he took a nap. He so brought up Jurassic Park, and he doesn't know how to twitter, and he wishes he did because he is bored.

He's stealing my heart one sarcastic comment at a time.

This is what happens during a rain delay.

What I am about to tell you right now furthers the reasoning as to why I love this team to pieces:

I sit here watching the pre-game show to the second game that probably won't happen.
Who in the hell schedules the only time the Twins and Bo Sox meet in Boston IN APRIL?
Idiots...anyways. They show Scott Baker in the club house, mind you he blew and his name anagram "rocket bats" fit him too well giving up three two run home runs. But oh, this isn't why I love them.

He's being all quiet, and scott baker-y and all a sudden I hear a loud squeal, at first I thought Nick Punto accidentally turned around and saw Mike Redmond in his face (you all know EXACTLY what I mean), but then I started to hear the theme music to Jurassic Park. JURASSIC PARK! MY FAVORITE MOVIE. And I know the exact scene they were watching. It's when the family is getting ran out of the building by the velociraptors and they go to the main concourse where the huge t-rex skeleton is. And then they are like "OH NOES WE DED" and then T-Rex comes in and its like "NOM NOM NOM raptor NOM NOM NOM...*huge roar*", and they run out like "omgz, thank u t rex ahhhh"

Shooooooooooot Haaaaaaaa!

So MN TWINS, you are on thin ice. You better win your next game. If it's tonight or not. Jurassic Park saved your ass. Otherwise I would of ripped Scott Baker a new whatty-you-think.

Friday, April 17, 2009


I am so glad we won in the manner we did tonight, otherwise Gardy would of just broke down and cried.

He seemed so bummed last night, lets thank the greatness that is Jason Kubel who hit for the cycle tonight. I have been hearing so many people saying the Twins suck etc blah blah. Last time I checked the season JUST started, and they have a ton of games to go.
Just be happy you aren't the Washington Senators. If I was a Washington Senators fan this year, or a Seattle Mariners fan last year. I wouldn't be too happy. Oh and also, be happy you aren't a Cubs fan.

I see this team, and it is capable of so many things. Like tonight for example, we didn't have Young, Gomez, or Casilla and we still pulled it off. Every person on that team has a purpose. I just am iffy with the whole pitching staff.

Tonight, all in all I am glad to finally see Kubel smile for more than .001 of a second.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Back to The South Side

Pre Game:

-I have come to realize just how important Joe Crede was to the White Sox. And it makes me just that much more excited to have him. Dingo= MN Twins Baby= Joe Crede. We stole your dingo, Chicago. Yes we did.

-I hope they stop showing the last game of last year. Please it hurts too much.

- Joe Crede is great. He is just cool beans, and all that and a bag of chips. He says Minnesota like Minnesotans do, I just got the warm and fuzzies. Why yes I did.

- R.A Dickey, I am kind of way too excited to watch you pitch. I just sure hope Morales can catch you. Nerves, I has dem.

Top Of The First.

-Bert Blyleven already wants to punch Dick in the face.....I sense it. Dick you just called Bert fat.
-Hooded jerseys? That just looks silly as all get out.
-......I wonder if Dickey is wearing a dickey....hehehehehe.
-Sand Castles takes a walk, with his cool hood. I want him to put the hood up.
- J Mourn up in teh hizzzzy. He is hood-less. It's because he's Canadian and 30 degree windchill is shorts weather to him.
-Sand Castle scores, by the most awkward J Kubes hit I've seen. Oh hai we are ahead.
- Cuddyer so has the hood on. He looks so snuggly and cute. So Cuddy-bear-esque.
-Pierzynski so just said something to Crede, probably "I miss your epic neck massages in the hot tub after each game"

Bottom of The First

-Dickey does not have a dickey on. I am so sad.
- Uhm, Delmon Young you are an epic failure. I don't know how to feel about that error and lack of catching that ball. Lets blame it on the wind? BERT stop being a homer.
- Nick has a beanie under his hat. And that makes his cuteness level to level "seafoam green"
- Dickey strikey outy.
- two on board for Jim Evil Evil Evil Evil Evil Thome
- Thanks Dick for telling me Dickey got pounded last year VS the White Sox. I didn't miss your negativity.
- I can has Jim Thome strike out? Yes <3
- Morneau, I love you.

Top of The Second
-Air Supply as his intro song!? I just laughed so hard. That was probably amazing. Wait...that was the best thing ever.
-CREDE HOME RUN AHHHHHH, I feel so grand right now!! Oh, I love baseball. I think we need air supply as his walk on song from now on. Agreed?

+my interwebs is being mean, I'll update when I can. All I can say is Joe Crede= love

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Best team ever!

....well standings wise we are #1.
We'd be going to the play offs if the baseball season were 3 games....

Here is my thoughts so far on this team this year:

+I chose Cuddyer to pick on because I know he'd prove me wrong. Maybe he is scared he'll break all his fingers and miss the rest of the season like he did last year. Thats why most of the time the bat didn't leave his shoulder. Rbi leader, I say I am sorry. FOR NOW.

+Joe Crede has anger issues. I mean by all means get pissed off at yourself for striking out, throwing your bat, gloves and helmet. Just use that anger to actually HIT the ball next at bat k? Oh I also love that his walk on song is Metallica. He is so hard core.

+Nick Punto was already shown on the final score for his double play amazingness. He is eligable for a golden glove this year, I officially start the PUNTO FOR SS GOLDEN GLOVE, BLOW ME JETER 09. His walk on song is "Thriller"....I swear my crush gets bigger as each day goes by. It's disgusting to tell you the truth.

+Shit...........I miss Joe Mauer.

+ I love D-Span. Each day goes by, he gets more amazing and I think less and less of sweetcheeks...*weeps* Tooooooooooooorri.

+My friend had on a rivas t-shirt tonight, I love her.

+ Joe Nathan is not human.

+ Gomez, SETTLE. NOW.

+I really really really really miss Mauer. It's like that annoying neighboor that always has to talk to you when you go to your car? And you are like "why are they ALWAYS outside? Do they just WAIT TO ANNOY ME!?" then one day you go outside and you get that "i just got spooked" feeling. Said neighboor is nowhere to be seen. You shake it off. Then the days go by and no said neighboor. Your whole life is off it's axis. I need you Mauer, like bee's need flowers, and us needing bee's to pollenate the flowers to produce oxygen and...I need my honey! I want my honey back!

+We are 3 games deep, and I am already being a complete spazz. For the two people who read this (HI MOM!)* get excited.

*: my mother does not read this blog.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

live blogging

Wanna see me blabber? Live blogging it tonight with Pulling A Blyleven, check the links ;)


Opening day blues

Here I go being a debbie downer right off the bat, but it needs to be done.
I serve it up straight, with no filler, tough love my friends.

Michael Cuddyer needs to learn how to step out of his comfort zone. To me he seemed very reserved, and waaaaaaaaay too picky at bat. The guy barely swung, yes he got a run but he also struck out what seemed like 4904908 times. Yes, 4904908 times. I can go on and say that it's beginning of the season and he will get better but it felt just like the little of the Cuddyer we saw last year. He is past his prime in my eyes.

Wow I really shouldn't be blogging and listening to Metallica at the same time. It's anti Cuddyer music I guess.

This is what in my mind, was going to happen last night:

Liriano going 6 innings, 8ks with 1 earned runs and 4 hits. Then in comes Jesse Crain giving up 30 hits and 24 earned runs. Hmmmm weird, the guy next to me asked his friend is that was Juan Rincon when the Crainadian came out. I held back my laughter.

SIDE NOTE: I DON'T LIKE KEN GRIFFEY JR. Every game I've gone with him in it, he's gotten a HR. And every time it reminds me of little big league. He crushes my hopes and dreams. Him, Frank Thomas, Jim Thome and Nick Swisher can suck it.

Tonight will be better. Oh yes, it will be.

ps: Punto's ass was in prime ship shop shape last night. Esp when he was charging home plate then ran back to third and yelled SAFEEEEE. lol.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A True Yankee

My great uncle Johnny Blanchard died of a heart attack this morning. He was a two time world series champ with the 61' and 62' New York Yankees and won 5 pennants with them. Every time I saw him he always had some sort of yankees logo on him, he was a true Yankee till the end. And even during some sad times in our family he always seemed to put a smile on my face, may you rest in peace.

I wrote about him in this blog two years ago:

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Welcome to Blylevenland

Spring Training re-cap so far:

We signed Joe Crede, didn't you hear? I'm going to go and say that it was a great idea. We aren't wasting money if his back flairs up again, but it seems like the back pain is contagious, since Joe Mauer has been having issues. Thankfully it's only a inflammation, give him some pills and he'll be ready to go.

But here is the debate; should Joe Mauer not play catcher? It seems the issues he's had could possibly stem from being a catcher. He's a young guy and he's already falling apart? Yes I bet he could make an amazing third basemen but then people go in and say third basemen has to be a power hitter, and Mauer isn't the type. I really think we'd be fine if he kept up with how he's been hitting. Last time I checked he has some hardware to show you that he's a good hitter.

Now onto more less argumentative things.
Bert Blyleven looks pretty fantastic in a baseball uniform still. I already prepared myself for this season. You know he'll bring this baseball classic up anytime he can, something along the lines of “blah blah blah youngsters blah blah blah scrappy blah blah blah I wish I had my telestrator so I could circle them blah blah blah I kind of missed Sidney Ponson, he's a GAMER.”

Now it's time for things Karlee wish would happen but never would:
If Mauer moves to third, which wouldn't happen since we have Crede. We could sign Ivan Rodriguez. Pudge Pudge Pudgey Pudge. Then some-how we'd get David Wright to sign for a one year deal just to stand there and look super brooding and tall, dark and handsome. Strictly for visual stimulation only. He would even make Valdimir Guerrero blush. Or he could be that a-hole in the home run porch who starts the wave going the WRONG WAY. I HATE IT when that happens.

side note: Last update I said we needed to drop Bonser. Well jeez, he dropped himself. Maybe he stopped eating meat like Neshek and got wii elbow/shoulder.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

should have seen this coming a million miles away

Let me make this short and sweet.

Bill Smith,

You are sneaky. But not THAT sneaky.
We were all wondering as to why you did nothing in the off season?
How it's aware we need a good 3rd basemen.
Now I see what you were doing, you were waiting for Corey Koskie to
emerge out of his crypt to say "meh...lets do this!" and have at the ball and bat once more.
If this is true. I might spontaneously combust. I really don't want to die. I like the guy but if we sign one more person who used to play for us and think:
"maybe THIS TIME they will be good/ lets hope they dont get another career ending injury"
I just might...AGH!
Just let the guy play catch with the guys, feel like he's cool again and then just give him a werthers original and pat him on the back for a good days work.

ps: we need to drop Bonser. I said it.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Once again the Twins have been projected to be an epic fail.
What is up with everyone even certain beat writers *cough* think so low of the Twins?

I guess you gotta pick on the good guy.
Okay....okay relax. We locked down Nathan, Morneau, Punto, and Kubel.
Why fix something that did so well last year? Right?
I guess this is how the big wigs and GM's are thinking.
I'm trying my hardest to stay calm and collected but it's 4 days until pitchers and catchers report.

I guess it's understandable why we'd go for Crede.
He's prone to injury and won't be as good as he used to be.
That's the Twins way, that or bring em on up from the farm system.
I mean that isn't bad, that's where we got uh, all or our players pretty much?
I think Twins fans secretly wish we could toss our money around and buy players and build a massive huge epic team like the likes of the Yankees,Mets,Dodgers,Red Sox...etc.
If you disagree it sure seems like that's what everyone wants.

You gotta keep everything chill in the system, with the players, coaches, and GMs.
You see, just think if we signed a well known 3rd basemen. Let's say for the sake of my dreams coming true that 3rd basemen is David Wright. For mucho money, all the players get jealous and He's the new poster boy. Think how Mauer would feel, very un loved. Do you want to make Joe Mauer cry? Exactly.

Now you are saying, "Karlee...Justin Morneau is getting well paid and is well known!?!?!!one//"
Well, random mad person might I add this:
He's been playing for us and only us for a while. He deserves it. And he loves the Twins system. He has been seasoned, and simmered in the twins pot for hours. So there would be no animosity between the players because he deserves it.

Think of it this way, your in pre school hanging out with the red head, the girl who's cute but smells like pee, and the boy that will end up being smarter than any of you. And you all hang out every day, playing with legos and experiencing 4 square for the first time in your life. WOW, the red head sure knows how to toss that ball! After 4 square each day you get juice boxes and cupcakes. Isn't that something? But then a week later a new kid, overweight Tommy joins your pre school jamboree. Then something horrible happens, your teacher Mrs.Pennyworth announces to the class for the sake of being healthy there will be no juice box and cupcakes. It will now be until the end of time........one percent milk and carrots.

I WOULD BE MAD TOO, and then all your pre-school friends will start turning on each other and eventually kill Tommy.

Do you really want to mess with a very good combination of people, do you really want carrots and milk!? Watch out maybe karen the vegan will join your pre school and you will have to drink HEMP MILK! Then dan the guy who is allergic to everything can't eat carrots because he's allergic to carotene. Now you will eat celery. And cry.

.............baseball please start soon, I think I just might be going a little bit off the wall.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

You say you want a Kubeloution....

The Twins today just finished signing a deal with the rubix kubes for signing him for two more years, filling out his remaining years of arbitration. And also giving him a club option for 2011.

I might as well go out and say it, that was a very good idea. I was assuming they would be doing that but the club option is a nice extra incentive. I gotta tell ya I like what direction Kubel is heading in.
He is still a "youngster" ( so stealing a word out of the Blyleven dictionary) and he is just getting better. IF ONLY he can be better in the outfield, even though we don't really need him out there anymore if I had to pick between Kubel and Cuddyer I would pick Kubel. Yes Cuddyer has his big rocket launcher arm but ridden with awkward injuries and his dwindling power makes me feel antsy.
Cuddyer will never leave, kind of like Nick Punto. So we all might as well get used to it. But thankfully we have the amazing awesomeness that is Denard Span. I think I will just start calling him dream weaver.
Next time he walks out on the field, make it slow-mo and play that song in your head. it just FITS.

All you kids have fun at Twins Fest this coming weekend. I shall not be going because of lack of money and lack of anyone interesting to go with haha. I'm sure it will be as fantastic as always. And someone can please tell Boof light beer doesn't mean you won't gain weight. I remember twins unplugged mister....haha.
Come to think of it my good friend RK from Pulling A Blyleven just pointed out how better Boof was before he was (B)oof. The kid needs to gain his weight back. The whole weight distribution is throwing his, well throwing off. I mean I've lost quite a bit weight this past year and when I throw punches they are much more out of control and not on target. So sorry for anyone that I punched in the throat the past 5 months. Which is, about 0 people so hey I don't feel bad!

Bring Boof those bars that chick ate and gained a good amount of weight in mean girls. Oh yeah, and lots of beers. And deep fried deep fry. And a pig roast. And something from Hardee's because that place is a one stop triple bypass. And just jugs of Crisco, the kind you get at Sam's Club!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I know you can agree.

I sit here in the warmth of my house, and I watch the news every day and there is not one thing interesting about off season trades, or even thoughts of doing anything coming from the Twins camp.
And if you think of hearing something about a certain player from a different news paper in a different city who is just a guest blogger on their site is useful...then I GUESS MAYBE in the imaginary twins-might-be-doing-something world, they ARE doing something. But they ARE NOT.

Yes, Carl Pohlad died, rest in peace by the way. I bet nobody thought that could even be some-what of a set back (and I am assuming that it is) It's hard to get back to business when things like that happen.

Okay, there is my sensitive side. Now onto how I REALLY feel.

Uhhhhh, hello? See my last post? Spring training is in 26 days for catchers and pitchers. I'm waiting. Not so patiently anymore.
You thought Bill Smith being the new dude would make the Twins outlook on how they sign people be different? Aka do something? Yeah, right. It's the Twins. I mean, I should get used to this by now. Everyone should too. Yes it would be super duper cool if we could actually sign someone that:
A. Has never played for the Twins
B. Is under the age of 30
C. Doesn't have a broad history of being so accident/injury prone.
sidenote: I still think Pat Neshek got hurt from playing too much Wii and going to death metal concerts.

Speaking of old twins players....lets take a moment and remember some:

Lew Ford.
Lew...oh Lew.
I miss making fun of you, playing D&D and losing 3.5 million balls in the baggy.
And whenever I see this video it reminds me of you:

Jason Tyner.
I mean, who wouldn't miss someone who's middle name is their last name backwards? Renyt. Wow.

Sidney Ponson.
.....actually I don't miss your greasy, sweaty..scary presence on the mound. Heaving and. Oh goodness. NEXT.

Douglas Andrew Mientkiewicz.
My baseball boyfriend forever and always. Don't make me get into how much I do miss you. I still have your jersey somewhere. I'm too sad to wear it. You went to the dark-side and you can't come back from that. Even though you are a free agent and could come back but we have Canadian Bacon now sry.

It's very hard to be writing this when the new clue for the winter carnival medallion came out. Yes I'm one of those people. I just like feeling smart.

Speaking of smart, I have another awesome idea for target for R.A Dickey.

DICKEY DICKEYS! UGH, someone is going to have to knock me down a couple of notches I am inches from being so into myself.
I am ri-dickeylous. HA.
Come on, with the twins logo on the turtle neck, first 5,000 get em.
I would go every home game if I could get myself a free turtleneck dickey.

I didn't tell you?

*sing to the tune of sexy back by justin timberlake*
I'm bringing dickeys baccccck.
Just the arms that what we laaaack.
Who needs a whole shirt when you got whats best
Now turn around and the fronts the same as the back.
(take it to the chorus)

Go ahead boy.
Show me your dickey.
Lets go girls.
Lets wear them dickeys.
Come on child.
Who wears them dickeys?
Bert and Ernie-ahhh.

*dance break*

It hurts to be this good.

Plus hearing Bert say "Dickey Dick" isn't enough. I NOW want him to say "so you got a Dickey Dickey on Dick?"

PS: R.A Dickey, please be good enough to make it to the bullpen. Please.

About Me

My photo
Macy's owns my soul. I sling lotions and makeup to make you feel pretty, and smell of gingery goodness. And no, I don't have any samples.