Monday, May 19, 2008

i dont know how to quit you

Hi I'm alive. *waves*

Top of the first:
-Boof, I'll probably piss out unicorns if you get out of the first without anyone scoring.
-Saltallaaamachiaaabananaboat is playing!
-Cuddyer is in center field, Kubel in Left. This will be exciting.
-I still really hate Alexi Casilla, just to make sure everyone knows.
-Ian Kinsler is a stud.
-Boof is a stud for using his Jedi powers to lure a line drive right into his glove, he didn't even move it. Powers, he has dem.
-Micheal Young is a stud.
-if Boof is lucky he will still have his head by the end of the game.
-Josh Hamilton is a stud...woah I didnt notice how attractive this team is.
-I lied, Josh Hamilton is a big ugly because he just got a home run.
-OH YEAH guess what guys, I'm not going to piss out unicorns, I was so excited I already named my unicorn Nico.

Bottom of the first
-I don't like Alexi. He's the poor mans Carlos Gomez. You do not deserve the #1 spot. Oh I'm going to keep on talking crap because when I do that you "bad" players end up being "good" but its 1-2 I'm sensing a awesome strike out. Oh, nubber to the pitcher. heh nubber is a great word.
-I love me the repub. The only one I do love, little brendan harris foo-foo walking through the forest scooping up curveballs and boppin them in the gaps!
-I just heard a girl yell out "JOE MAUER" yes he's going to turn around and start unbuttoning his shirt slowly, winking at you and yelling out "take me here, right on home plate infront of 20,000 people!" .....shut your trap.
-Oh hai Mauer, line drives straight to players are NOT cool, but look at it this way if I was out there I wouldn't be able to catch it because I would of been too short. I guess thats a positive.
-I get to eat pei wei tonight, jealous?
-Morneau can you always hit home runs? Please? Every day? I'm not asking much I'm not saying every at bat just every day. Or a walk.
-Cuddyer, can you always hit home runs? Please? Every day? Am I a broken record? I WANT POWER!
-fill the bases so kubeloution can spank one up on the second level.....or it's the end of the first.

Top of the second
-coomer is on his second hot dog. Such a fattie, he should eat a hot dog each inning. If Bert was smart he'd say "you have to eat a hot dog each inning until we score"
-Oh yeah and Boof is gaining his weight back sloooowly, thats what happens when you drink BEER BOOF, yeah I seen it. I have eyes. I know what beer does to you. He's moving around like "yeeeesh...weird, why does my uniform feel more snug, hmmmm."
-Guess boof wanted to get out of that inning so he can make coomers stomach explode of hot dogs and chips.

Bottom of the second
-LMFAO DICK MADE A FUNNY! There is a poll on who is the best young left handed hitter and he's like "I wonder why Jason Tyner isn't on there" and Bert did his "ooooh you silllly" giggle. Yeah. Dick I like you more and more each day and you haven't used your damn maps yet. You got the hint.
-Oh I'm excited for the Tigers to come so we can feel the tiny wrath of renyt, his evil twin.
-Young I want to see a home run....young got thrown out by young. I'm happy I'm not drinking.
-Nick Punto is having a slow recovery, and they might send him down to florida. Nick Punto's hamstring stop being stingy and mean and selfish. We need his spunk back! I mean look he was in the duggout playing catch with himself, thats just pathetic.

Top of the third
-Sorry inhaling my food, if anything awesome happens I'll type it.
-Kinsler isn't cute anymore either. You "cute" guys getting solo home runs. psh.

brokeback mountain2 Little Big Leauge0 (bottom of the third)

-"Bronco Dicky lets go"- Bert Blyleven
-When you try to lay down a bunt. You don't try to run out of the box whilst trying to hit the ball. Okay? ALEXI!
-she's my cherrrry pieeeee....sweeeet rebup pieeeee.
-Oh yes....Harris to third. Thanks one guy who got a home run, you messed up reeeeal good.
-Joe Mauer you're good. Do work son.
-random: I really want to see Cuddyer use his rocket launcher from center field to get a guy out at home, and get him out.
-Joe Mauer= did work
-Morneau remember when I told you that you should get home runs? I'm just sayin....
-Morneausy gets his second walk.
-ick Cuddyer.

Top of the fourth
-42 pitches in 4 innings. Wow Boof if you didn't give up two home runs I'd be praising you.
Not burying you. I'm not doing that either though. I'm content.
-..................whoa that was,EPIC

Bottom of the fourth
-Kubeloution is still rearin' to go. Nice single.
-I'm surprised I've never seen a hitter actually swing and hit the catcher. I got hit in the head when I used to be a catcher, but also the girl didn't know how to hit on men let alone balls.
-reason 45904508 why i dont like everett: His walk on song.
-saltalamacchiachiapet is really cute too. Oh, I like the twins I forgot sorry.
-I knew gomez and casilla would be bffs...they are like joe mauer and justin morneau but.....yeah you get the point.

Top of the fifth Cow Pokes 2 The Alexi Casilla show 4

-I still don't like Alexi Casilla. *pouts*
-I love the salty sweat line on your hat Morneau. Super attractive.
-I kind of like Kubel in right field. Just a tiny bit though.
-55 pitches thrown in 5. He can go the whole game if he keeps up being all super awesome and epic.

Bottom of the fifth

this inning disapeared

Top of the sixth

-Mike Lamb=Nick Punto=Mike Lamb=Nick Punto=Mike Lamb.
-1-2-3 sixth. mmmmmm.

Bottom of the sixth
-Mike Lamb is about to break a bat up in some bitches ass if he doesn't hit it seems.
-There, sac fly....relax Lambers.
-They haven't shown coom dog since the second hot dog. I think he's in a dome dog coma.
-Mike Lambs eyebrows are so....tiny now.

Top of the seventh
-66 pitches into the seventh.
-now hes like 4560598459048 pitches. gahhhh.
-nice obnoxtious throw there boof..
-Boof you a need Bacardi and diet coke, 0 carbs 0 fat.
-Matty G, you going to be all super hero for us please?
-Matty G, you are my hero.

Bottom of the seventh
-every day eddddddie!

Top of the eighth
-6-5 rangers now. ICK.

Bottom of the eighth
-Justin Morneau, this is when you should get home runs and such. Such meaning rbis.
-saltys catching stance is kind of....preying mantis...and kind
-Dammit, Bahh bahhh

Top of the ninth
more cat pictures

Bottom of the ninth
-you know your team has no bench people when you let redmond hit for everett.
-this game is starting to make me nervous now. ughhhhh.
-lets go repub.
-OMG Mauer please don't hit into a double play, I might actually throw UP a unicorn.
-6-6.....this game all a sudden made me happy again.

Top of the tenth
-extra innings broseph.
-wham bam thank you mizzzzaam

Bottom of the tenth
-wham bam oh noez :(

post game:

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Dear Minnesota Twins,

Small ball is nice and all.
But you don't produce home runs, tonights game will happen.
Only way the bo sox are scoring?
Solo home runs.

Disgruntled Karlee

Red Sox silenced by the Lamb


Oh if I wasn't lazy I'd make a picture of lambs face with that silence of the lambs mask on.
With the bars.
And yeah.
Anthony Hopkins.
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Mike Lamb, we have this love hate relationship. I still don't know what I feel about you but last night, I wanted to marry you. That was pure magic. I missed the magic. <3

I missed being able to high-five and hug random people, and they feel the same exact way you do <3
Oh yeah and making kids who like the red sox cry is also a lovely past time of mine. I do my other past time during americas favorite past time.

Later on I will write a eulogy for pat nesheks ulnar collateral ligament.
You will be greatly missed, but you shouldn't of played so much wii and not eat meat mister!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Nick Punto, save us!

Like I've said before.
We need Nick to play.

Here's proof:

Twins record with Nick Punto starting: 14-6

Twins record with Nick Punto not starting: 3-10

Yeah, chew on that bitches.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


I like how you boys bounce back.

This is how serious tonights game was, I used my blogs title to use for the blog title. Did that make sense? Sure.

Punto got 5 rbi's

That looks better.
Here's my out-look on Nicolas Paul Punto:

He reminds me of the water boy.
Bobby Boucher.
He's a quiet, innocent nice little guy who is just all around a likable guy, but kind of a wuss.
But if you get him mad? He lets it out being amazing and doing good things sports-wise.

SO thank you nick for being a big suck not running on that bunt you thought that was foul, because then you spanked that ball to the left field then the right. Could Mike Lamb do that? DO NOT get me started on that.

Nicks new nick name= water boy

Carlos Gomez.
The #2 most awesomest person born on Dec 4th 1985.
You hit for the cycle, nobody has done that since Kirby.
I love your sassafrass. And how adorable you are. It's sickening.

Livan on a prayer.
You rock my world.

Karlee's feeling of the moment= Overwhelmed with awesomeness

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I like sweeps, ya'll.

So we shut down the ligers and bitch sox, I'm guessing you all saw that.
Good times, sorry I didn't update during that awesome-ness. Too busy soaking in the awesome.
We swept them SO hard we didn't think twice about using the regular sweep.

We brought out the big guns my friends.
We needed the street sweeper 8000 xtz 6.0 limited edition with now %50 more extra sweeping action.
It's sweet looking, I'd drive that around.

Went to twins unplugged, that was pretty fun.
Cuddyer thinks I'm a klepto, since I steal posters off of walls for them to sign.
And Crain told me..."pretty nice inkage you got there"
Yeah I'm kind of a big deal.
And Blackburn, I will say this again. YOU DO NOT LOOK LIKE JOE MAUER, you're actually attractive.
I'm glad you enjoyed my comment.
And ladies, Blackburn is engaged so put away your wedding dresses.

And for you Ozzie Guillen lovers, sorry....he's taken too.
Bitch Sox Loveeeeee

I have a feeling he'll be kicked out of the game tonight.
Anyone want to take bets?

Friday, May 2, 2008

Magglio Whoredoniez

Pre Game

-Welcome back Bert and RIP Gardy's brother, may you rest in peace <3.
-Joe Nathan takes golfing seriously, too seriously. I would assume his random twitches and jolts when he's pitching goes for the same when he's playing golf then randomly screaming "THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!".....ya creep.
-Hi Cuddyer, I'll be seeing you sunday. And I'll be asking for a card trick. If you don't bring cards I'm going to, no backing out buddy.

Tpp of the first

-Livan, you picked the sleeveless look tonight. How fancy of you, did I mention I love those? I do.
It's so red's kind of like they are wearing muscle shirts. With shirts underneath because you wanted to wear your muscle tee super bad, but it was too cold out.
-WOAH LIVAN YOUR GLOVE IS SO RED.AND SO AMAZING. I cannot handle how amazing your glove is.
-Polanco still looks like a chipmunk.

-If Livan has a shut out tonight, we are wearing our hick muscle jerseys every time he pitches.

Bottom of the first
-galaragawagamaga goo goo chicka boom boom?
-Who walks Carlos Gomez? Oh, people who throw balls. Duh.
-Good job harris if you weren't so impatient gomez would of stolen second.
-Double play Mauer is up. *waits* (Gomez stole second. Because Mauer isn't impatient) grounder to the right side? *GASPS* NO WAY!
-Gomez scored on a wild pitch. SUHWEET, Morneau looked waaaay too excited.
-Morneausy two out single, I'm liking this whole Morneau hitting thing. I enjoy it.
-Known fact: It's hilarious to hear a grown man say "come on Cuddy Bear!"
-"ever been to never never land?" never cease to amaze me.

Top of the second

-Magglio Whoredoniez tied the game. Your hair is disgusting, you and Nick Swisher should date.
-home run, double, and a single...three pitches. LIVAN NO.
-Bases loaded? Nobody out? Where am I?
-Ughhhh...Cuddyer I love your rocket launcher. Loves it.
-Jacque Joneeeeeesssss. SWEEET CHEEEEKS.
-AMAZING DOUBLE PLAY, hey Livan....hug your infield right now.

Bottom of the second

-ohhh, Kubeloution. Isn't this like your 5th strike out in a row? Yeah. No good.
-Lamb has thick full black hair. Bahhhh bahhh black sheep have you any wool?
-*ps* I miss you Marney.

Top o' duh third.
-Ooooh we're halfway there...OOOOH-oooh we're LIVAN on a praaayer.
-Gomez and your crazy over throws.
-Bert, say something funny. Whoredoniez is skurry.
-We got out of the inning safe again. Heart Palpitations=4

Bottom of the third
-They need to stop feeding Bert sweets. First it was his b-day cake. Then Mauers. Now he has cookies.
-Mr. I got a cortisone shot in both of my shoulders and I hit doubles wassap?
-First dumb Liger move: hitting Gomez.
-Second dumb Liger move:Not catching a ground ball to third. Bases loaded 0 ut.
-ahhhh...ball 4 bases loaded rbi. Thanks Mauer for not hitting cause ya know..double plays..ick. But Morneau took the double play for him.

Top of the third Minne-snow-ta Twins 3 Detroit Ligers 1
-Andy Van DYKE!
-Slow Lollipop curve? Really Dick? Stop free basing black tar heroine?

Bottom of the third

-OOOOOOH Kubeloution is back. With a triple too.
-Kubel tagged out at home. Good job. You aren't back.

Top of the fourth
-Bert cooked his head, I guess.
-61mph curve ball. Awesomeness, Livan has it.
-Hahaha, Bert so wants Dick to swear.

Bottom of the fourth
-Rain, Snow, Locusts?.....Dick you actually made a funny. *claps*
-Gomez getting on base 3rd time tonight. You are great.
-"A bert blyleven curve ball"- Bert your name dropping yourself? Who does that?
-Oh my gosh, Gomez is hurt :( Poor thing don't scare the shit out of me. Oh good he got up and now hes being driven off the field. Go Go Gomez be okay!
-Nicky is playing for him. *squeaks*
-"I just wanted to ask you a question with a mouth full of cookies"

Top of the fifth
-Nick Punto, center fielder. Let's see some magic.
-1-2-3 innings make karlee smile.

(bottom of the fifth was non existant so was top of the 6th)

Bottom of the sixth

-Bahh bahh black sheep got a single.
-"do you have a car? YOU have a car right?"- Bert Blyleven

Top of the seventh

Bottom of the seventh
-the cutest republican in the world got a home run.
-5th double of the year, good freaking job. And Mauer scores from first? WHAT? Yeah. Wow.
-Cuddyer with a double? Morneau scores? I'm liking this.
-5 straight hits= niceeeeeeeeee
-young gets an rbi single. cuddyer scores. 8-1.
-sweet baby jesus i love baseball.

Top of the eighth
-suckage. yay.

Bottom of the eighth
-We just kick ass, two more runs. The guys who are supposed to be hitting are hitting...finally.
-OH wait three. Good hustle Cuddyer.
-OMG, I can't handle all this awesomeness.

Top of the ninth
-"awwww did that hit anthony? I sure hope so"-bert blyleven speaking about a foul hitting towards La Panta. And his sudden hatred for him.
-Juan Rincon actually sits bitches down and wins the game

Post Game
-I'm swimming in a huge pool of happy soup. It's warm and it makes me feel happy. Roy Smalley looks like that one thing in lord of the rings..that says my precious. Sorry I don't know his name because I'm not a damn nerd like you!
-Mike Lamb, you are very adorable with clean waxed brows. I'm glad you took my advice.

About Me

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Macy's owns my soul. I sling lotions and makeup to make you feel pretty, and smell of gingery goodness. And no, I don't have any samples.