Friday, May 2, 2008

Magglio Whoredoniez

Pre Game

-Welcome back Bert and RIP Gardy's brother, may you rest in peace <3.
-Joe Nathan takes golfing seriously, too seriously. I would assume his random twitches and jolts when he's pitching goes for the same when he's playing golf then randomly screaming "THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!".....ya creep.
-Hi Cuddyer, I'll be seeing you sunday. And I'll be asking for a card trick. If you don't bring cards I'm going to, no backing out buddy.

Tpp of the first

-Livan, you picked the sleeveless look tonight. How fancy of you, did I mention I love those? I do.
It's so red's kind of like they are wearing muscle shirts. With shirts underneath because you wanted to wear your muscle tee super bad, but it was too cold out.
-WOAH LIVAN YOUR GLOVE IS SO RED.AND SO AMAZING. I cannot handle how amazing your glove is.
-Polanco still looks like a chipmunk.

-If Livan has a shut out tonight, we are wearing our hick muscle jerseys every time he pitches.

Bottom of the first
-galaragawagamaga goo goo chicka boom boom?
-Who walks Carlos Gomez? Oh, people who throw balls. Duh.
-Good job harris if you weren't so impatient gomez would of stolen second.
-Double play Mauer is up. *waits* (Gomez stole second. Because Mauer isn't impatient) grounder to the right side? *GASPS* NO WAY!
-Gomez scored on a wild pitch. SUHWEET, Morneau looked waaaay too excited.
-Morneausy two out single, I'm liking this whole Morneau hitting thing. I enjoy it.
-Known fact: It's hilarious to hear a grown man say "come on Cuddy Bear!"
-"ever been to never never land?" never cease to amaze me.

Top of the second

-Magglio Whoredoniez tied the game. Your hair is disgusting, you and Nick Swisher should date.
-home run, double, and a single...three pitches. LIVAN NO.
-Bases loaded? Nobody out? Where am I?
-Ughhhh...Cuddyer I love your rocket launcher. Loves it.
-Jacque Joneeeeeesssss. SWEEET CHEEEEKS.
-AMAZING DOUBLE PLAY, hey Livan....hug your infield right now.

Bottom of the second

-ohhh, Kubeloution. Isn't this like your 5th strike out in a row? Yeah. No good.
-Lamb has thick full black hair. Bahhhh bahhh black sheep have you any wool?
-*ps* I miss you Marney.

Top o' duh third.
-Ooooh we're halfway there...OOOOH-oooh we're LIVAN on a praaayer.
-Gomez and your crazy over throws.
-Bert, say something funny. Whoredoniez is skurry.
-We got out of the inning safe again. Heart Palpitations=4

Bottom of the third
-They need to stop feeding Bert sweets. First it was his b-day cake. Then Mauers. Now he has cookies.
-Mr. I got a cortisone shot in both of my shoulders and I hit doubles wassap?
-First dumb Liger move: hitting Gomez.
-Second dumb Liger move:Not catching a ground ball to third. Bases loaded 0 ut.
-ahhhh...ball 4 bases loaded rbi. Thanks Mauer for not hitting cause ya know..double plays..ick. But Morneau took the double play for him.

Top of the third Minne-snow-ta Twins 3 Detroit Ligers 1
-Andy Van DYKE!
-Slow Lollipop curve? Really Dick? Stop free basing black tar heroine?

Bottom of the third

-OOOOOOH Kubeloution is back. With a triple too.
-Kubel tagged out at home. Good job. You aren't back.

Top of the fourth
-Bert cooked his head, I guess.
-61mph curve ball. Awesomeness, Livan has it.
-Hahaha, Bert so wants Dick to swear.

Bottom of the fourth
-Rain, Snow, Locusts?.....Dick you actually made a funny. *claps*
-Gomez getting on base 3rd time tonight. You are great.
-"A bert blyleven curve ball"- Bert your name dropping yourself? Who does that?
-Oh my gosh, Gomez is hurt :( Poor thing don't scare the shit out of me. Oh good he got up and now hes being driven off the field. Go Go Gomez be okay!
-Nicky is playing for him. *squeaks*
-"I just wanted to ask you a question with a mouth full of cookies"

Top of the fifth
-Nick Punto, center fielder. Let's see some magic.
-1-2-3 innings make karlee smile.

(bottom of the fifth was non existant so was top of the 6th)

Bottom of the sixth

-Bahh bahh black sheep got a single.
-"do you have a car? YOU have a car right?"- Bert Blyleven

Top of the seventh

Bottom of the seventh
-the cutest republican in the world got a home run.
-5th double of the year, good freaking job. And Mauer scores from first? WHAT? Yeah. Wow.
-Cuddyer with a double? Morneau scores? I'm liking this.
-5 straight hits= niceeeeeeeeee
-young gets an rbi single. cuddyer scores. 8-1.
-sweet baby jesus i love baseball.

Top of the eighth
-suckage. yay.

Bottom of the eighth
-We just kick ass, two more runs. The guys who are supposed to be hitting are hitting...finally.
-OH wait three. Good hustle Cuddyer.
-OMG, I can't handle all this awesomeness.

Top of the ninth
-"awwww did that hit anthony? I sure hope so"-bert blyleven speaking about a foul hitting towards La Panta. And his sudden hatred for him.
-Juan Rincon actually sits bitches down and wins the game

Post Game
-I'm swimming in a huge pool of happy soup. It's warm and it makes me feel happy. Roy Smalley looks like that one thing in lord of the rings..that says my precious. Sorry I don't know his name because I'm not a damn nerd like you!
-Mike Lamb, you are very adorable with clean waxed brows. I'm glad you took my advice.


haasertime said...

we are absolutly Livan On A Prayer. I feel that any second the Tigers could mash his face off.

Karleeee said...

They have been ALMOST mashing his face off the whole game.

becca said...

Nice to see the Twins win! I was worried when Go-Go left but they kicked some serious butt!

Karleeee said...

They kicked some well needed butt.
Detroit on their high horse beating the yankees thinking they are good. We let the beast out now we just cagged it. OWNED.

L said...


...but I could very well be wrong...

Karleeee said...

hahaha I was just bringing up a past experience when this grown man started clapping and jumping in his seat squealing out GO CUDDY BEAR.

Ahhhh, sports bringing out the kid in men. Adorable.

S.Rail said...

Ordoniez's hair looks like he greases it with car oil and then curls it with his fashion curler, then runs around the field with it flopping in the breeze while everybody passes out from discusting-ness

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