Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Jim Thome Facts

You've guys been waiting, and here is a hot fresh batch of Jim Thome Facts for your consumption. I edited some Chuck Norris facts into Jim Thome facts. The other half are made by yours truly. Enjoy!


JIM THOME FACTS.

- Jim Thome doesn't do push up's. He pushes the world down.

- Jim Thome's first word was 'taters'

- Before Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks in his closet and under his bed for Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome's hotness is the cause of global warming.

- Al Gore hates Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome can play Wii bowling without moving. He just stares down the pins until they all fall down.

- When Jim Thome plays Oregon Trail his family doesn't die from dysentry, but rather 380 foot moon shots to the face.

- If Jim Thome was in the movie 300 they would of had to change the name to 1.

- Jim Thome is the square root of a negative number.

- The force is strong in Luke Skywalker. But Jim Thome is strong with the force.

- In the show 'LOST' Jim Thome IS the island.

- When quoting Jim Thome you must type in all caps.

- When Jim Thome walks in the woods, you'd think the wind is making the trees move. Nay, it is the trees trembling at the thought they could possibly be his next bat.

- Jim Thome ate Gilbert Grape

- Jim Thome's singing voice is a mixture between Fergie and Jesus.

- The only reason the devil went down to Georgia is because Jim Thome would never go to Georgia, so therefore it is the only safe zone for him to go.

- When Jim Thome is thirsty he quenches his thirst with a mixture of Ozzie Guillen's tears and pine tar.

- Jim Thome is the reason why the Dead Sea is dead.

- Jim Thome can solve a rubix cube just by staring at it.

- Jim Thome can touch MC Hammer

- Jim Thome never wet his bed. His bed wet itself in fear.

- There is no escape button on Jim Thome's keyboard because Jim Thome escapes from NOTHING.

- Pluto was dubbed not a planet after scientists realized it was only a baseball hit by Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome's home run balls are all collected in one place. The Kuiper belt.

- If you are wise, you would never attempt to 'poke' Jim Thome on facebook.

- Jim Thome is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right arms.

- Jim Thome knows where in the world Carmen Sandiego is.

- Some baseball players chew gum, Jim Thome chews tungsten carbide.

- Jim Thome knows what Willis is talking about.

- Jim Thome can slam a revolving door.

- Death once had a near Jim Thome Experience.

- Jim Thome is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

- Jim Thome doesn't have a Twitter because he's already following you.

- Jim Thome doesn't have a facebook because he doesn't have friends. He just knows people who are worthy enough to not have a line drive home run hit in their general direction.

- When Jim Thome takes a bath he doesn't get clean the water gets dirty.

- Jim Thome has the power to order a McRib at McDonalds anytime of the year and get one.

- Who needs Jimmy Johns? Jim Thome is freaky faster and freaky gooder.

- Jim Thome doesn't run the bases slowly, your brain just can't process how fast he's actually going.

- If Jim Thome points his bat at you, that is more than likely the last thing you'll see.

- Jim Thome doesn't eat. He just mashes taters until hes had his fill.

- In 'Enter The Dragon' it was actually Jim Thome who killed Chuck Norris.

- The last digit in pi is Jim Thome. He ends all things. With his bat.

- Champions are the breakfast of Jim Thome.

- The only reason Jim Thome wears batting gloves is so his hotness doesn't set the bat on fire.

- Brett Favre can throw a football over 60 yards. Jim Thome can throw Brett Favre even further.

- When Jim Thome falls into water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Jim Thome'd.

- Jim Thome cuts down trees with his bat.

- Jim Thome once played first base, then realized in real life and baseball, he goes all the way. This is how he turned into a DH.

- When Jim Thome played little league he bunted a 500 foot home run.

- Jim Thome went from crawling to mashing taters. Walking is overrated.

- There is one thing faster than the speed of light, Jim Thome's swing.

- Jim Thome has played up to level 81 in World of Warcraft.

- Toyata Priuses never had a gas pedal problem. They were just all trying to speed away from Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome doesn't compete. He wins.

4 comments:

NoDak Twins Fan said...

thats some good stuff. I like the Wii Bowling and the 300 movie the best. Keep up the good work. I wrote about Thome today too. Check it out:
http://nodaktwinsfan.blogspot.com

jsouthjustin said...

About the running the bases, anything looks slow after seeing how fast the ball looks when it is off thomes bat.

Anonymous said...

And I, gentlemen, have never heard of Jim Thome until today. But I'm an Austrlaian journalist and I'm researching him for a story on Aussie player Luke Hughes, who hit a home run at his first major league at bat back in April.

Anyway, love the jokes, especially the fact that he knjows what Willis was talking about! LOL. (Yes, we had diffrent strokes in oz)

Scott Jonesilicious said...

Good stuff. You deserve a bump in honor of his birthday and him heading back to the Indians.

I wrote a similar list on a website I run but am enough of a gentleman to not use your comments section to promote myself.

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