Friday, September 3, 2010

Previously On LOST

WARNING: If you do not watch LOST you won't find this remotely hilarious. Well, maybe.

As you all noticed we added new pitcher to our Team.
No. Not Duensing.
No. Not Capps.
No. Not Flores.
No. Not Burnett.
No. Not Delaney.
No, not even Fuentes.

I am speaking of the one and only, Matt Fox.
If you didn't know who I was talking about by the title of my blog post you;

A: Don't watch TV
B: You live under a rock
C: You hate amazing TV
D: All of the above

Quick run down.
Matthew Fox plays Jack Shephard on LOST. LOST is a TV show that has had its final season this year. It is amazing. The ending pissed me off. But that is a whole other blog post, this is about baseball (kind of) and thats it.

Matt Fox has the same name as Matthew Fox (I really didn't need to point that out.)

So it made me think, Matt Fox is obviously Jack Shephard on LOST if I had to pick who he'd be. But the million dollar question is, who would the rest be?

Joe Mauer: Vincent. Very approachable, friendly, hairy, loves his owner (his mother) and trustworthy.

Joe Nathan: Charlie, when he was weening himself off of Heroine. Twitchy McGee.

Kevin Slowey: For some reason, Ben Linus. Book smart, sarcastic, would do anything to help, even if its killing (striking out) people (players). Also, I bet he can rock those Harry Potter adult glasses like a BOSS.

Scott Baker: Sun. Kind of timid and quiet, also listens very well but if need be she will break out and do something that surprises you. Or he'd be the hot mess that was on Jack's face when he proclaimed "We need to go back!!!" because have you seen that kids facial hair? I think its brilliant but you guys sing a different song.

Delmon Young: Walt. Because lately I've been known to yell out his name. All those silly plays in the outfield. "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalt!/Delmooooooooooon!"

Trevor Plouffe: Boone. Super attractive but isn't around long. Highly unfortunate.

Nick Punto and Ron Gardenhire: Rose and Bernard. Do I even have to tell you why? Google it you non LOST watchers, then laugh in joyous rapture.

Scotty Ullger: John Locke. You feel bad for him, he is always failing, but always tries to do better and do the right thing.........but fails.

Francisco Liriano: Ana Lucia. Because he is a bad-ass. And she is quite the bad-ass herself.

Denard Span: Mr.Eko. I'm sorry but his time on the island was almost as productive as you this year. He just pressed a button, and got killed by the smoke monster. Kind of sad.

Brendan Harris: He is Male #2 in episode 13 in season 6. Ya know, the one who gets killed by the smoke monster? Moving on.

TC: I'd simply say he was one of the Polar Bears but they get killed off right away and that is unfortunate (I know, Polar Bears on the island? Watch the show). So I'd say Hurley because he is big, snuggly, hairy and naturally the cheerleader/mascot of the island.

Drew Butera: Daniel Faraday. He is adorable and smart. Did I mention adorable? Oh, and he was a huge help in the end. It just fits. But lets hope he doesn't get killed by his mother when he goes back in time. He is the new age Marty McFly.

Danny Valencia: Its a tie, he is either the foot statue. For the longest time you didn't know a thing about him/the foot. You didn't know its potential. And then you find out there is hidden powers that dwell inside said foot. Or he's Richard Alpert. One word: EYELASHES.

Jason Repko: Sawyer. He seems like he could wrestle a hog, yet in the same day open a door for a girl and treat her to a nice dinner. Then go get into a bar fight. Babe alert.

John Rauch; The Smoke Monster. He scares me. Tikka tikka tikka! Yes, Rauch is a huge billowing and rolling mass of black smoke who kill people.

Jesse Crain: Desmond Hume. Only because I think Desmond would also wear the same necklaces that Crain wears. Also, whenever I see Crain strike someone out I could hear him whisper "See you in another life, brotha"

Note: I am sorry for the other players I did not mention. I either forgot you or simply couldn't think of who you would be. YOU, my readers should add on to this, tell me who you really think Sawyer should be or just tell me how brilliant I am.


Anonymous said...

Whoa now, whoa! BRAVO! Loved it. Especially Plouffe n' Rauch. Spot. On.

Karlee said...

Haha thank you dear, I am glad you enjoyed it. I don't feel pleased though I couldn't think of anything for Cuddyer.


Anonymous said...

I would almost say Cuddy's more like Hurley, since he's the 'team captain' & gets along with everyone & brings them all together. However TC also BEARS (see what I did there?) those equalities's an epic toss up.

Anonymous said...

...ahem, qualities. Not equalities...

Karlee said...

Haha yeah that was the only person I thought about for Cuddyer.

He could be Hurleys love interest. But she was in the loony bin.


......Sayid? Doesn't fit.

You know who Cuddyer is?
Cuddyer is the island.


Anonymous said...


(aka: Mind. Blown.)

dm said...

Thome is Mr. Friendly. Originally part of the others (White Sox) but, well, you wanna like him.

Karlee said...

Jim Thome is totally a friendly, haha. Nice one.

But after seeing him hit that bomb last night, he seems so smoke monsterish.

Amber said...

This is so great, quite possibly the best Twins players analysis I have read in a long time! Nice job!

Karlee said...

haha thanks a bunch Amber!

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