Target Field is not picture perfect.

I recently went down to Target Field to take a looksie, I wanted to take in every single aspect of the park, even reading the funny signs on the "trash only" trash cans. On my adventure I found something pretty interesting.

The beautiful limestone, all the windows shiny clean. The plaza looks like a picture, no trash or cigarette butts anywhere. The pennants on the fence, and that massive bronze glove still shining in the spring sunshine. Everything is situated perfectly, just awaiting on thousands of fans to come and enjoy every minute of it.

I go towards the new Twins shop and venture inside checking it out then I walk out, then I see the Stadium rules posted.



uh oh.
Super bad typo. Unless there is a thing called "affectio" I think I'll call the stadium tomorrow and point that out. How embarrassing would that be? You're welcome, MN Twins for being an obsessive OCD type of person checking out EVERYTHING.

A weight has lifted off of me

FINALLY.


Joe Mauer has signed an 8 year 184 million dollar contract extension. I shall celebrate and eat cookies and milk, since that is more than likely the way he will be celebrating too. Then getting his hair cut by his dad. But I will totally not let my father go near my hair.


HUZZAH, MN TWINS FANS. WE GOT EM!

Baseball is this years "Boy Band"

Every so often people try to market things to see if people will get interested. Just tossing a line out there waiting for a bite.

This is what Victoria's Secret is doing. Starting today over 100 stores in the states in which the teams they picked (Angels, Cardinals, Cubs, Dodgers, Mets, Padres, Phillies, Red Sox, Twins, White Sox and Yankees.) will start selling their line of merchandise of shirts, pants, accessories and such to the masses. I see what they are doing here.

They are gearing it towards teenagers and young adults which is totally fine but to me they are selling out the whole aspect of baseball and what it actually means. Most men think women like baseball strictly for the baseball-ass and the cute players. That is truly just a plus but not near the main reasons we like baseball. We like baseball the same reason you males like baseball, and to tell you the truth I have won many baseball arguments, and it feels amazing showing a guy who's boss.

And to tell you the truth when it comes to making baseball merchandise for women the MLB marketing team has hit a brick wall. They don't know what to do, they tried the whole "lets make pink jerseys because ALL GIRLS like pink, right?" and well, a select few girls around the age of 15 bought those jerseys.

The idea is a good one, using a store where only women shop, with sayings on the shirts that say "love love love Twins" and "I only kiss Yankees fans" and may I point out that A: putting something like that on the shirt doesn't scream out "I'm a -insert team name here- fan" it screams out "I like heightening my chances of getting herpes or mono" and B: who'd kiss a Yankee fan? Am I being a little bit brash? Why yes I am but you come to this blog to see me lash out on innocent people. It's what I do.

Alyssa Milano is an example of something that was cute for a second but then came obnoxious. No I do not want Padre's jeans with their logo on my ass, thank you very much. I want a cute hoodie that isn't too bulky with a bit of a stretch to it to form to my womanly figure. I also like vintage looking shirts. They sure did a very good job making this one:


It's cute, nice colors, and has that vintage feel to it.

I am Karlee, I am a woman. I love baseball and I don't need to tell men I like kissing Twins fans, I think that is just a give in anyways. I don't need to parade around with a billboard on my body saying so. I'll be fine with my vintage t-shirts and my loud mouth, thank you very much.


/ Women's lib.

Nick Punto: It was an F-up.

I sit here listening to the twins game on the radio, Gordon and Dazzle blabbering about things only Dazzle and Gordon would talk about, sounding awkward reading out stats, half of the time Gordon failing at saying them correctly. And Dazzle trying to sound smart. All a sudden out of nowhere Nick Punto hits the ball, FAR and STOPS, I repeat, STOPS at third base to get a triple.


This is where I flat out and predict something super ballsy. Nick Punto will get 2 home runs this year. Yes, I know.... you are thinking "Karlee whoa whoa whoa, hold on wait a tick..." but hear me out. He didn't over run third base, this shows me that he has more patience. He hit it off of the wall which also shows me that he's been eating his Wheaties.
Whenever I looked at him last year I saw him as the little engine that could. Now I see him as Bill Pullman in Independence Day, constantly being super awesome and doing Herb Brooks** type speeches before blasting aliens (balls) into the orbit. And he look totally attractive doing it too. Just like Bill Pullman does, mmmm.

So my rant comes down to this, him running past third was truly a mistake, for a minute there I bet you all thought he was secretly out to sabotage the team and rip everybody's heart strings out and eat them like a plate a spaghetti with a nice wine glass full of your tears, followed by spongecake soaked in your sorrow.

So I say, Go Go Gadget Punto!


**: There is this cute thing on youtube of a mini Herb Brooks. I wanted to point out that it is physically impossible for there to be a mini Nick Punto. I'm serious. Don't even attempt to imagine it. Cannot happen.

That is it, I am putting out a missing persons ad.

CHARTREUSE ALERT(since amber is kind of a boring color):

I have come to believe that we have lost half of Delmon Young. I don't know where he went. And I don't know how to feel about this cyborg body he left behind, all I know is that it must be an impostor. Last time he was seen his booty was very ghetto in left field. Somebody find him, and tell him that dinner is ready, DELMON!

-insert witty photoshop picture of Delmon on a side of a milk carton-

Say it ain't so Joe!

As we all know Joe Nathan has suffered a torn ligament in his throwing arm. My first response wasn't "Oh we are screwed" I genuinely felt bad for the guy. He won't be able to play in the new stadium, he has been an amazing pitcher and this shows how precious an opportunity to play a sport is. It can last a matter of years and then abruptly just stop.

I have the bad feeling this might be a career ending injury. Most of the time when a pitcher tears a UCL there is a very small chance they will be back to how they used to preform. We could only hope he is as lucky as Liriano or Rivera.

Now on to the people that would possibly replace him.

We have Pat Neshek, we all know he is good but he himself is still getting back to 100%
I think our best bet is either Jon Rauch or yes, I am about to say this, Jesse Crain.


Now lets think about what their walk on songs would be.

Pat Neshek would more than likely have something like Chiodos, Old Avenged Sevenfold, All That Remains, In Flames, Lamb Of God, Norma Jean...I can go on. All I know is that it would be BAD-ASS.

Jon Rauch? I have a feeling it would be about the same, but possibly more scary and bad-ass.

Jesse Crain would probably play Nickelback. And that just straight up angers me. Do not want.

All I know is that I will still stand up and shout, and I shall miss your deep exhales and twitching. Let's hope the surgery does wonders.