I dove myself into the deep vast world of winter sports the past 9 days and I sat down and thought to myself "I wonder what sport Joe Mauer would do in the Winter Olympics" and then my brain decided I should write about my thoughts. We all know that is kinda frightening when things like that happen. But you have been warned.
We all know LNP, he loves to go fast and head first. His most natural choice for winter sport would be the skeleton. I wouldn't mind seeing him on his stomach in a skin tight uniform. Really, I wouldn't mind at all.
He's kind of a spazz, so I would go on and peg him as freestyle skiing aerials or ski jumping. I could see him flying in the air. Now shut your eyes and imagine it. See?
This one is way too easy, and frankly it pisses me off. Obviously he'd be a Hockey Player cause he's Canadian and he'd be awesome as usual blah blah blah. With his stoic like presence at the plate I'd pick him to be in male figure skating. So full of grace, you are my little syrup sucker.
I'm stumped. This is sad. Okay, here is this if Morneau didn't do figure skating or hockey him and said Joe Mauer would totally be two man louge. We all know why. Don't fight it, they sure as heck don't. Accept the man love and embrace it.
I think we would have to make up a new winter olympic sport for this man. I'd call it "icicle tossing" it's where he runs out into the wilderness only equipt with a bottle of blackberry brandy, and icicles the size of baseball bats and you just let him go wild, and for example he brings back a deer, more protein and Deer jerkey for team USA!
Kevin Slowey: He's adorable, likable and always seems he'd be up for a hug. So he's our Lindsey Vonn. Because on the outside he looks gentle and innocent and cute but on the inside, and on the mound he is a BEAST.
Michael Cuddyer: ...............Curling. Thats all I got. I'm sorry. He uses his boom stick, now he can use his sweepy stick.
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