Cat Names

If you love the MN Twins and cats, this is the post for you.
I got bored. (insomnia= creativity time) so I thought of names for cats that sound like the players names.


Joe Meower.
Justin Meowneau.
Jason Mewbel.
Kevin Hissey (cause he is all the sassy)
J.J. Rawrdy.
Drew Mewtera.
Glen Prrrrrkins
Danny Meowlencia.
Jason Meowko.
Jeff Meowship.
Nick Mewto.
Ron Gardenmeower.
Cat Meowshek.
Taters. (Jim Thome)
Scratchy Baker. (mad cat)
Meowchael Cuddyer.
Ben Mreowvere.



.......okay I really need to go to bed.

Mister Incredible

Here is another one of my 2 minute craptastic paint creations.






After watching The Incredibles on DVD for the 4th time today (thanks to a 3 year old) I realized Jim Thome looks just like the dad. Or maybe I'm losing it? But either way, we all can agree on one thing. Jim Thome is Incredible.

Jim Thome Facts

You've guys been waiting, and here is a hot fresh batch of Jim Thome Facts for your consumption. I edited some Chuck Norris facts into Jim Thome facts. The other half are made by yours truly. Enjoy!


JIM THOME FACTS.

- Jim Thome doesn't do push up's. He pushes the world down.

- Jim Thome's first word was 'taters'

- Before Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks in his closet and under his bed for Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome's hotness is the cause of global warming.

- Al Gore hates Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome can play Wii bowling without moving. He just stares down the pins until they all fall down.

- When Jim Thome plays Oregon Trail his family doesn't die from dysentry, but rather 380 foot moon shots to the face.

- If Jim Thome was in the movie 300 they would of had to change the name to 1.

- Jim Thome is the square root of a negative number.

- The force is strong in Luke Skywalker. But Jim Thome is strong with the force.

- In the show 'LOST' Jim Thome IS the island.

- When quoting Jim Thome you must type in all caps.

- When Jim Thome walks in the woods, you'd think the wind is making the trees move. Nay, it is the trees trembling at the thought they could possibly be his next bat.

- Jim Thome ate Gilbert Grape

- Jim Thome's singing voice is a mixture between Fergie and Jesus.

- The only reason the devil went down to Georgia is because Jim Thome would never go to Georgia, so therefore it is the only safe zone for him to go.

- When Jim Thome is thirsty he quenches his thirst with a mixture of Ozzie Guillen's tears and pine tar.

- Jim Thome is the reason why the Dead Sea is dead.

- Jim Thome can solve a rubix cube just by staring at it.

- Jim Thome can touch MC Hammer

- Jim Thome never wet his bed. His bed wet itself in fear.

- There is no escape button on Jim Thome's keyboard because Jim Thome escapes from NOTHING.

- Pluto was dubbed not a planet after scientists realized it was only a baseball hit by Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome's home run balls are all collected in one place. The Kuiper belt.

- If you are wise, you would never attempt to 'poke' Jim Thome on facebook.

- Jim Thome is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right arms.

- Jim Thome knows where in the world Carmen Sandiego is.

- Some baseball players chew gum, Jim Thome chews tungsten carbide.

- Jim Thome knows what Willis is talking about.

- Jim Thome can slam a revolving door.

- Death once had a near Jim Thome Experience.

- Jim Thome is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

- Jim Thome doesn't have a Twitter because he's already following you.

- Jim Thome doesn't have a facebook because he doesn't have friends. He just knows people who are worthy enough to not have a line drive home run hit in their general direction.

- When Jim Thome takes a bath he doesn't get clean the water gets dirty.

- Jim Thome has the power to order a McRib at McDonalds anytime of the year and get one.

- Who needs Jimmy Johns? Jim Thome is freaky faster and freaky gooder.

- Jim Thome doesn't run the bases slowly, your brain just can't process how fast he's actually going.

- If Jim Thome points his bat at you, that is more than likely the last thing you'll see.

- Jim Thome doesn't eat. He just mashes taters until hes had his fill.

- In 'Enter The Dragon' it was actually Jim Thome who killed Chuck Norris.

- The last digit in pi is Jim Thome. He ends all things. With his bat.

- Champions are the breakfast of Jim Thome.

- The only reason Jim Thome wears batting gloves is so his hotness doesn't set the bat on fire.

- Brett Favre can throw a football over 60 yards. Jim Thome can throw Brett Favre even further.

- When Jim Thome falls into water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Jim Thome'd.

- Jim Thome cuts down trees with his bat.

- Jim Thome once played first base, then realized in real life and baseball, he goes all the way. This is how he turned into a DH.

- When Jim Thome played little league he bunted a 500 foot home run.

- Jim Thome went from crawling to mashing taters. Walking is overrated.

- There is one thing faster than the speed of light, Jim Thome's swing.

- Jim Thome has played up to level 81 in World of Warcraft.

- Toyata Priuses never had a gas pedal problem. They were just all trying to speed away from Jim Thome.

- Jim Thome doesn't compete. He wins.

Previously On LOST

WARNING: If you do not watch LOST you won't find this remotely hilarious. Well, maybe.


As you all noticed we added new pitcher to our Team.
No. Not Duensing.
No. Not Capps.
No. Not Flores.
No. Not Burnett.
No. Not Delaney.
No, not even Fuentes.

I am speaking of the one and only, Matt Fox.
If you didn't know who I was talking about by the title of my blog post you;

A: Don't watch TV
B: You live under a rock
C: You hate amazing TV
D: All of the above

Quick run down.
Matthew Fox plays Jack Shephard on LOST. LOST is a TV show that has had its final season this year. It is amazing. The ending pissed me off. But that is a whole other blog post, this is about baseball (kind of) and thats it.

Matt Fox has the same name as Matthew Fox (I really didn't need to point that out.)

So it made me think, Matt Fox is obviously Jack Shephard on LOST if I had to pick who he'd be. But the million dollar question is, who would the rest be?


Joe Mauer: Vincent. Very approachable, friendly, hairy, loves his owner (his mother) and trustworthy.

Joe Nathan: Charlie, when he was weening himself off of Heroine. Twitchy McGee.

Kevin Slowey: For some reason, Ben Linus. Book smart, sarcastic, would do anything to help, even if its killing (striking out) people (players). Also, I bet he can rock those Harry Potter adult glasses like a BOSS.

Scott Baker: Sun. Kind of timid and quiet, also listens very well but if need be she will break out and do something that surprises you. Or he'd be the hot mess that was on Jack's face when he proclaimed "We need to go back!!!" because have you seen that kids facial hair? I think its brilliant but you guys sing a different song.

Delmon Young: Walt. Because lately I've been known to yell out his name. All those silly plays in the outfield. "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalt!/Delmooooooooooon!"

Trevor Plouffe: Boone. Super attractive but isn't around long. Highly unfortunate.

Nick Punto and Ron Gardenhire: Rose and Bernard. Do I even have to tell you why? Google it you non LOST watchers, then laugh in joyous rapture.

Scotty Ullger: John Locke. You feel bad for him, he is always failing, but always tries to do better and do the right thing.........but fails.

Francisco Liriano: Ana Lucia. Because he is a bad-ass. And she is quite the bad-ass herself.

Denard Span: Mr.Eko. I'm sorry but his time on the island was almost as productive as you this year. He just pressed a button, and got killed by the smoke monster. Kind of sad.

Brendan Harris: He is Male #2 in episode 13 in season 6. Ya know, the one who gets killed by the smoke monster? Moving on.

TC: I'd simply say he was one of the Polar Bears but they get killed off right away and that is unfortunate (I know, Polar Bears on the island? Watch the show). So I'd say Hurley because he is big, snuggly, hairy and naturally the cheerleader/mascot of the island.

Drew Butera: Daniel Faraday. He is adorable and smart. Did I mention adorable? Oh, and he was a huge help in the end. It just fits. But lets hope he doesn't get killed by his mother when he goes back in time. He is the new age Marty McFly.

Danny Valencia: Its a tie, he is either the foot statue. For the longest time you didn't know a thing about him/the foot. You didn't know its potential. And then you find out there is hidden powers that dwell inside said foot. Or he's Richard Alpert. One word: EYELASHES.

Jason Repko: Sawyer. He seems like he could wrestle a hog, yet in the same day open a door for a girl and treat her to a nice dinner. Then go get into a bar fight. Babe alert.

John Rauch; The Smoke Monster. He scares me. Tikka tikka tikka! Yes, Rauch is a huge billowing and rolling mass of black smoke who kill people.

Jesse Crain: Desmond Hume. Only because I think Desmond would also wear the same necklaces that Crain wears. Also, whenever I see Crain strike someone out I could hear him whisper "See you in another life, brotha"


Note: I am sorry for the other players I did not mention. I either forgot you or simply couldn't think of who you would be. YOU, my readers should add on to this, tell me who you really think Sawyer should be or just tell me how brilliant I am.

This Is How I See It

Remember this guy?


I sure don't. All I see now is pure awesome (even though my immature side thinks him beaming the umpire with a bat is ALL the funny and pure awesome, but I'm a bitch). Someone showed me this video again today and I actually forgot that he did that, now THAT is how good he has been lately.


Everyone says his awesomeness stems from his new swing and batting stance, and how he opens up on the ball easier. It HAS to be something more epic than that. Every game I watch he is getting RBI's, hitting home runs, and kicking ass and taking names. Yes he sometimes doesn't time the ball right in left field but this isn't about his offence right now. This is totally about his D. (Defense, you pervs)


I would go and say since he added me on facebook he has been on fire. But surely it isn't because of me (it could possibly be) because I'm not a gypsy (but a few people have told me I am one)


I do like his "Don't bring up how amazing I am being, I don't want to think about it, let me play and kick ass" mantra. It is helping him quite nicely if I do say so myself.


All in all I would just like to say, let Delmon be Delmon. He is exactly what I thought Denard Span would be this year, but isn't. Let him be amazing, don't ask what he is doing right because I bet he doesn't even know.

Now watch this:



Imagine Chevy Chase dressed as...god know what is the MN Twins and the very attractive Joel McHale is the attractive Twins fans. And we all know who Delmon Young is in this video. Now, let that blanket of warmth and safety smother you into thinking we actually have a chance into winning the division this year.

Players vs Prospects

As we all know the Twins sure do like their farm system. Many good players have been brought up from that system, including Joe Mauer. And last time I checked he is kind of a big deal. That is Twins baseball. Wholesome primmed and picked players. They need to mix things up.

It might sound like I am complaining, but I thought the Twins were FINALLY stepping out of their 'comfort zone' and starting to try new things out, with the additions of Orlando Hudson, J.J Hardy and Jim Thome. But now they are in a situation where they truly need help, and no prospect from the farm system will be able to fill that void. Unless we trade some prospects for a player.

You wanna know who the MN Twins are? They are that greedy kid who played Pokemon and didn't want to trade any cards with you, even though you are giving them a real good deal. I mean who in their right mind wouldn't take the infamous banned "Birthday Pikachu" card? Cliff Lee is that Birthday Pikachu.

Rumors of trading Wilson Ramos and Aaron Hicks for Cliff Lee are running rampant. Most Twins fans are in cahoots since both are very good top tier prospects. Who in their right mind would trade a catcher who is technically not really going to be used that much (Joe Mauer Joe Mauer Joe Mauer OMG Baby Jesus, ugh) who has great potential and would be of use to some other team and a decent outfielder for a Cy Young winner? I mean that IS crazy talk right? (warning: SARCASM ALERT) Giving two talented kids so they can have a chance to play in the Major Leagues?

I think the Twins showed that they mean serious business getting Jim Thome. (he is player of the week with a .400 batting avg and 4 hrs) I always said we needed a dominating pitcher, something we don't really make in our farm system. Cliff Lee is our answer.

MN Twins, just don't trade one of our starting pitchers for a pitcher. I've been hearing rumors about that too and let me tell you, that would be no bueno.

Facts

Here are a couple things I have noticed/thought about over the past week of seeing the Twins play.

- Bad pitching is contagious, kind of like a sneeze.

- Good pitching is contagious, kind of like something less scary than a sneeze. Because really, they are pretty much mini panic attacks. Tiny jihadi attacks to your self being.

- There ain't no party like a Nick Punto party because a Nick Punto party don't stop. After seeing him at the Major's at Major's thing, he can not only pick up his team on the field but really get people hammered. And put WAY too much eye black under my eyes.

- That Delmon Young character is a good baseball player, don't chya know?

- I am one leg on the 'get Cliff Lee omg!!!!1!!one' bandwagon. Everyone brings up trading Slowey or Blackburn, I personally think we don't need to trade a healthy starter for a two month rental. Not worth it. Get a couple triple-a and a couple double-a and lets call it a deal, am I right?

-Also, we have been in a rut as of late pitching wise. It's not like they are going to stay like that for the rest of the year. Yes, we need one extra 'oomph' to be a contender if we make the play offs. But lets not dwell on that right now.

-Minnesota Twins fans need to start enjoying baseball, and not stressing out over it. It's a past-time. Relax, watch these guys do what they love doing and cheer for them. And drink a ton of beer, eat hot dogs, and laugh when a girl says "Why are they boo'ing Kubel?"

- I am louder than Orlando Hudson with one beer in me.

- I started muting the TV for every other game and putting it on closed captioning because I need a break from Dick and Bert's old man shenanigans, ya know stating the obvious, talking about how pitchers should go 9 innings and 'that's an out in Oakland'.

-I started playing The Weepies, The Blow, The Black Keys, and The National whilst watching baseball. I consider that a way-too-much-awesome-combination. But I can handle it. Add in some gummi bears and a huge bottle of smart water and I'm golden.
( side note: I like bands that start with "The" I guess)

- Carl Pavano's mustache haunts me. Remember the Mario Brothers movie with Dennis Hopper in it? My dream was just that, but Pavano was a Mario Bro. Yes, Dennis Hopper was in it still. Why would I replace his bad-ass-ness?

-I need to make business cards, because writing on the back of a UFC flyer is not classy. And I am a classy girl.

- Seriously, STOP proposing at games guys. I mean yes, it's cute but not when it happens every day. Get a bit more creative.

- Height wise, I come up to Rauch's part I shouldn't come up to. This makes for a very awkward picture taking experience.


-Oh look, I have a personal blog: Musings From An Amuser
I don't think I've spoken once about baseball in it, yet. YES, I do have other things to talk about, shocker. I will be talking about my transfer from the city to the country, college, music I'll be making, music I enjoy, and other randomness in my awkward life.

UGH.

Okay I've had it. I truly dislike our inept infield. J.J. Hardy and Orlando Hudson decided to go and ruin their wrists. I suggest they stop playing Wii right this instant. But I peg Hardy to be more of a Big Buck Hunter kind of guy. And Orlando Hudson? Don't even get me started, he is probably too busy watching Lifetime movies anyways.

We have the lowest average of Avg's in the infield in all of MLB (last time I checked, at least. Yes even lower than the Pirates. Win.) You know it's a problem when Nick Punto has the best AVG out of all of them. Oh, also? The Drew Butera experiment should be concluded very soon me thinks.


I have been trying my hardest to actually stay positive but it's starting to become hard, with all the injuries and bullpen rockiness. But I am in utter shock that we are in first place. I don't know how we do it. And the thought of Span finally coming around, and if Cuddyer learned how to hit the ball and get runs in with people on base, and if Mauer started hitting line drives not directly at someone, our team would be unstoppable.

Positives? Kubel is finally coming around. And Delmon Young decided to become a beastly clutch monster of epic proportions.

Okay, I guess I still have faith. Today is a much needed day off, not just for them but for us Twins fans. Usually we are amazing versus the National League. Let's keep that trend going.

Target Field Squirrel, Friend Or Foe?

I was at the opening game of the Twins VS Yankees series. And like the other people in the stadium I was in cahoots over that cute adorable little squirrel. You all have taken a liking to him, kind of like Kirby the Kestrel. If you haven't seen the video of him traipsing around, have a looksie:




Awwwww, isn't he cute? But I watched him slyly sneak against the outfield wall and then all a sudden he disappeared, I assumed he went into the bullpen when one of the Yankees pitchers opened the door.

Then.
GASP.
I'VE SEEN HIM BEFORE. That furry bastard!


It all makes sense now. They call him "Joe Dimaggio the squirrel" and they brought him to Target Field.

Visual Approximation. (I never understood Marilyn Monroe's taste)

They sent him out there for one reason, and one reason only. To take out our hot corner.


Thankfully Brendan decided to show his quick reaction speed and avoided getting rabies and dying. They also realized taking him out would actually be doing us a favor.

Next time, Joey D The Bushy Tailed Bronx Nommer.


side note: I am aware you are near tears at the beauty of my photoshop skills. So am I, I amaze myself. And I feel bad for ripping Joe Dimaggio's head and putting it on a squirrel. Just a tiny bit though.

OH HAI, I have internet again.

Wowwwwwwwwwwwww, not blogging for like, a month pretty much put a damper on my life. I missed aimlessly typing away complete BS for you guys to read, truly. Did you miss me? I surely hope you did. So here is a "The Season So Far ROUND UP"

- So, there is a falcon who sits on the right field foul pole. Everyone decided to name him Kirby. Come on people get creative, please. Before finding out it was an actual falcon I thought LaTroy HAWKins was pretty funny. Or Stephen HAWKing. But finding out that damn Kestrel was a freakin' hawk it crushed my witty bubble. I am going to be calling is Kessy the Kestrel. Or Karlee the Kestrel, I bet you money it's a girl. And Karlee is a wonderful, beautiful, elegant name.

- Nick Punto decided to pick up a bat and swing it, and hit baseballs. And no, not where you think he hit them. Not flying out to left or a ground ball to second base. Oh no, he hits them and gets on base. Gets runs. And Rbi's. His batting avg is currently .261 and hitting .333 / .783 at home. (avg and ops)

- Justin Morneau is a beast.

- We won a game at Yankee Stadium, that is a big deal. Massive. I really hope they means the 'curse' is over.

- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2rgCezfB-k watch that. It is all the hilarious.

- I still don't like Jose Mijares. And I would like to know why he got sent back up. Seriously, can someone tell me a valid reason why he is back up?

Okay kids, I will post more often. I missed you <3


ps: If you want to listen to some hot jamz, let me suggest you a song or six

I Feel Better by Hot Chip

Brothers by The Black Keys

Home by Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeroes

Bulletproof by La Roux

Horchata by Vampire Weekend

So Far Around the Bend by The National