Monday, April 7, 2008

Bitch Sox

Top of the first

-gomez is fast. very fast. he scores thanks to baby jesus.


Bottom of the first
-I HATE NICK SWISHER, ick you make me want to hit things. You are such a pompous ass, really.
-uh, Nick Blackburn. What the hell is this? Keep those balls down. DOWN. Runners at the corners nobody out, and thome is up now. Great. Grand. Awesome. Nice.
-base hit right field. Game tied. The bat flew in the audience and hit a old lady, hahahaha.
Oh wow Thome, good job. An old 70+ lady. BAM RIGHT IN THE KISSER. That so sounds like something Pierzynski would do.
-I'm calling that someone is going to get hit by a pitch, and AJ is going to punch someone. Senses, I has them.
-yeah, blackburn does what he should.

Top of the second
-Kubeloution single.
-Harris got that there Kubeloution to 2nd.
-Lamb rbi double? Yeah? Bahhhhhhh.


Bottom of the second
-What in the hell is on Swishers chin? No really. Someone please explain what that is. It's like...who bleaches their facial hair? Oh I forgot, douchebags do.


Top of the Third
-denards first major leauge hit, go boy go.
-Hey guys, its only 364 days until Berts birthday. Just to let you know.
-Either Joe Mauer side burns are getting smaller, or his head is getting bigger.
-The wind swirls in the stadium, so says Bert. Thats why Justins ball didn't go all the way.
-I hate it when Dick says anti twins statistics. yeah 12 ground ball double plays. Got it. Shut your trap.

Bottom of the Third
-Ozzie gets tossed out of the ball game? What? Well thats a shocker. Good idea Mauer, walk away. Mommy and Daddy are fighting.
-First piece of bazooka joe gum: "Joe where's my english paper I asked you to check" "relax I gave it to jake" "are you sure your dog is smart enough to check my paper?" and then the dog says.."the way you write, one of my fleas could do"
........wow, not funny.
-EW, PIERSUCKSKI. Go do something more your style like, Pretend you can wrestle.

Top of the fourth
- I miss Nick punto.
funny pictures
-Harris hit zee ball. Harris go to second.
-Mike Lamb looks cute from the side, and with a helmet on so you can't see his eyebrows of doom.
-Harris scores, Lamb has his second rbi double, aw snap.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
-neverhitt..i mean everett...struck out.

Bottom of the fourth
-Image and video hosting by TinyPic These are like crack. And so is Bazooka Joe gum. nom nom nom nom.
-Ew. bleach pube chin face douchebag got an rbi.
-I think Blackburn should hit Pierzkynski. Sorry, I was getting so used to watching hockey in the off season. And Blackburn has almost hit cabrera twice, and the fans are like AW SNAP OOOOH. I wonder what would happen if they hit nacho libre.
-Brian Bass= Sidney Ponson.
-Jim Thome hides underneath my bed at night.
-Nick Blackburn strikes out the boogeyman who dwells under my bed.

Top of the fifth
-Baltimore is 5-1? Wow, the beginning of the season makes horrible teams look good. Thats why in baseball, everyone wins.
-Why does Bert Blyleven know everything? He should go on Jeopardy.
-I'm still saying Morneau is going to get a home run, but I guess not right now.

Bottom of the fifth
-Bert is really starting to make those circles look so perfect and pretty. He's sober. Sad.
-If you were in a dark alley and Jermaine Dye walked up to you with a foot long 4.99 subway sandwich. What would you do?
-Pierzynski is up. And he's down. 1-2-3 inning.

Top of the sixth
-fly ball outs and strike outs piss me off, thats all I have.

Bottom of the sixth
-Matty G 1,2,3? Maybe?
-surprise! Strike out.
-OMG, I SPY PUNTO, aw.
-Oh my god, I really want to punch Swisher. He is so gross. I bet he's so gross he has mirrors on his ceiling, thats how gross he is.
-Bert and Dick are fighting again.
-Mike Lamb denies douchebag a run.

Top of the seventh
-BOONE LOGAN, your beard is scary. Okay, are the Bitch Sox attempting to see who can have the nastiest facial hair? Do they all envy Jesse Ventura?
-yeah, we need to start hitting.

Bottom of the seventh
-Bert doesn't want to get the flu. Bert hates the cold, and I think it's making him loopy.
-Matty G stop getting me all mad and such.
-Oh....lookie there lets put in Patty Neshekles Death Metal Vegan Wonder Boy Side Show Pat.
-I wish I had a herky jerky delivery.
-NESHEK, what? tie game now? Oh ouch, that hurt.
-*whispers* Neshek, hit Pierzynski....wait that would be a bad idea since its only one out and two people on base, jk.
-Striking him out is also a good thing.
-bases loaded, two out. Neshek why do you give me heart palpitations?
-BIG BALL OF HATE BIG BALL OF HATE. GRAND SLAM? NESHEK. NO.
i hate everything

Top of the eighth
-So, we scored a run. I'm kinda sad.

Bottom of the eighth
-that one guy I hate is up to bat, and that one pitcher I don't enjoy is pitching to him.
-Rincon strikes the douchebag out.


Top of the ninth
-white sox= horrid beard club.
-Matt Tolbert just broke the tv. Oh wait it's back.
-Go Go gadget Gomez.
-oh go go suck.

16 comments:

S.Rail said...

Nick Swisher looks drunk...thats not gatorade he's drinking in the duggout...it's some of Reyes's Buuud Lite.

Karleeee said...

No Nick Swisher isn't that fancy.
He drinks steel reserve, he stole it from a homeless guy outside of the stadium.
Because he's a jackass.

haasertime said...

steel. reserve.

last time we drank that before a twins game, my friend ended up becoming bff's with three 50 year old yankee fans.

Karleeee said...

See, steel reserve makes you do things you would NEVER do sober.

So Nick Swisher had 4-6 steel reserves up in him when he dyed his chin pubes.
Yuck.
Did he think it would be cool to have white, and black? Like his uniform?

UGH, he's so. Ew.

Kayla said...

LOL NICK SWISHER

sorry, i just arrived home from school to watch the game. so this was my first real look at nick swisher's facial hair.. it was riveting, no lie.

Karleeee said...

It makes your stomach turn doesn't it?
I just keep asking myself why?

It just. He looks even more awkward than he usually does.

See now if he still had that nasty long hair. He'd be %100 porn star.

Kayla said...

if he were a porn star, would he only wear a white sock to start all his movies?

dear god, i bet if he read this he would come and forcibly try to sex us up.. mmm.

Karleeee said...

He probably would because he's a huge creep.

S.Rail said...

Neshek: *SAH LAPPE*

Ugh...i thought we had a chance

Karleeee said...

SO Neshek pretty much broke my heart.
Yep.

Kayla said...

let's focus on the positives. does juan rincon look a lot hotter this season or am i going insane?

S.Rail said...

omgz, Rincon just Struck out Nick Swisher. RINCON. RIN-CONE. Yeah. Wow. I think Juan feels for you Karleee...

I agree, Rincon is alot hotter this year..

Karleeee said...

I give one cookie point to Rincon.
He still annoys me though.
And he does look less awkward this season, I think it's the facial hair.

Kayla said...

yeah. okay. at least i know now i'm not psychotic.. so far this season anyways.

L said...

I remember right before the season started, I'd some how missed that Nick Swisher was now on the White Sox...more reason to hate.

This game was awful. Let's not speak of it again.

Karleeee said...

what game?

...ahhhh see where im getting at.

About Me

My Photo
Macy's owns my soul. I sling lotions and makeup to make you feel pretty, and smell of gingery goodness. And no, I don't have any samples.